smoking

[Hopex3]

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

There is a difference between parents who smoke and can afford it without an adverse impact on the family's finances, and a parent who smokes at the expense of family essentials. Change smoking for something else, eg buying takeaway coffee daily, or going to the gym and the situation is the same. It's not smoking per se that's the issue but rather a parent treating themselves at the expense of their children.

The other logic is that smoking is a selfish action because of health risks but the same could be said of eating cream cakes daily or doing a risky hobby. We can't all turn into Gwyneth Paltrow the minute we give birth and life would be very dull if we all did.

@Hopex3 your selfish, your partners selfish, your friends selfish.....

He'd be out the door again? Sounds like your DD is being brought up in an unsettled and volatile atmosphere and that's also selfish!

Do you give your OH grief for smoking? Have you tried to help him stop?

Soen - loads of people have been commenting on here, I'm responding to them, why dont you suggest they give it a rest too or even better if its bothering you that much, ta ra. again I wasnt arguing smoking in general, I flipped it and asked people to tell me why it wasnt a selfish habit and I got the same responses (people can do what they want, compared it to other behaviours) so it's just me is it. think you're right though in terms of this thread seems to be going round in circles. what's the point of any threads on AIBU? it's to see the others opinions and before you say well you obviously weren't going to change your mind, no I havent about the smoking but I have taken onboard that I might approach my friend next time she brings it up in a different way by either saying nothing or if she keeps going and inviting me to comment just stick to you know my views on this

@Hopex3, in your update you say your oh agrees smoking is selfish. What happens when he agrees? What do you say to him?

spongejack reread what I said, there was full stop between door and again. again was the start of the next sentence

Most of the royals smoke I don't think it's impacting any treats that their children may get.

Soen I ask him why he doesnt do something about it, I beg him too often and as I've said before it is a massive issue between us. If he put his cigs before children or started ranting at me how it wasnt selfish he would get the same response from me as my friend. it doesnt matter if its him or my friend putting the kids after smoking - its selfish all round which is the point I've been exhausting this whole thread. I dont condone my partner doing it at all, not sure why this isnt being understood

but I have taken onboard that I might approach my friend next time she brings it up in a different way by either saying nothing or if she keeps going and inviting me to comment just stick to you know my views on this

This is exactly what you should do. No preaching, no bullying, no forcing your opinion. You posted on AIBU, but you just want everyone to agree with you. I'm sure most people are intelligent to work out that vices generally are selfish, but you fail to accept the human condition and that we can all be guilty of doing stuff we know we shouldn't. I have friends who take drugs recreationally and whilst I dont do it, I would never tell them how to live their lives unless they were impacting others. It really isnt my place to say. If I felt really really strongly about it, I suppose I couldn't be friends with them. But i do realise life isnt so black and white, so I dont judge.

Wishforsnow not sure your point there - doesn't mean it isnt still a selfish choice just cos your rich. the only thing that eases up is the financial side. the health issue part is still there

I ask him why he doesnt do something about it, I beg him too often and as I've said before it is a massive issue between us.

Sounds like it already IS a massive issue. People only change for one of 2 reasons imo.

Soen I got into it with my friend because she went off on one and started ranting about this topic and wouldn't stop, fully trying to invite my opinion knowing full well how I feel about it so again I wouldn't say that is bullying, would you?

If anyone was to rant about smoking, I'd be willing to wager who it would be

I would say she wanted to have the discussion to hear my response about it so she could rant some more which is actually how the conversation went. I wont show her this thread as I'm sure itll be 'I told you so' its laughable you think I bully her

Its laughable you think she puts fags before his kid

oh I don't need to rant to her about it, she already knows my views lol

Her*

sorry I didnt realise you knew her too

what a weird thing to say, are you trying to continue an argument? I actually tried to explain to you and even accepted that I could maybe approach in a different way but you're still pushing your bullying point? odd

That's just it, I dont know her. None of us do. But this thread is pathetic. Think you need some sauce for that chip on your shoulder.

I see that now @Hopex3 but full stops are normally followed by a capital letter.

So to be clear it's OK for your DP to smoke because he can afford it? The health aspect, the fact it could've contributed to the lack of fertility, the second hand smoke benign a danger, the shortened life are irrelevant, it's all about affording shoes..... WOW!

*being not benign!

Hopex3 I'm surprised you have any friends left if you go around judging them all on their actions as you have this friend. As long as your friend's children are fed, dressed, cared for & educated it really isn't any of your business what she does.

my friend debated this just as much as I did, she doesnt think its selfish, i do.

@Hopex3 the least of your worries is delaying your children shoes for a few weeks, you're allowing and have allowed your child's health to be affected.