smoking

[Hopex3]

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

@Hopex3 your last post makes no sense?

SquareAsABlock I'm not on social media

No I agree. My other half does it and I have absolutely begged him to give up since the day I found out I was pregnant. He has point blank refused as his father also has done throughout the years. It terrifies me that that my DC will inevitable copy the habit

OP you are right. Smoking is selfish. It's baaad,very very bad. There.

Now what?

collywobblescar I feel like I'm going crazy here, I'm glad someone agrees. my original point was because my friend went on a rant and said it wasnt selfish. my partner does and so did I, which I admitted further up the post. I quit and wouldn't start again now. I hate the fact my partner does too, it really upsets me. however the reason this post wasnt about him was because he wasnt the one who went on a rant of how it wasnt selfish, my friend did. now that's being used against me, even though I don't see how it changes the point at all - smoking is a selfish habit if it comes above your kids

Yes OP, smoking is selfish. I cant get past you being more concerned for your friends dc than your own dc living with a smoker. Your dp is spending money that your dc could benefit from on smoking. Your dp is running the risk of contracting various nasty health problems which your DC will be witnessing in all their glory and your DC will probably lose a much loved member of their family early to a nasty illness due to your dps smoking. Your dc are inhaling your dp's 2nd hand smoke every day and having to live with the stink from his smoking every single day, even if he only smokes outside, it will be in his hair, his skin and clothes and you are more concerned about your friends DC???
Perhaps when your DC are not being subjected to the issues concerning smoking in their own home and family, then maybe you can criticize your friends 🤔

I still can't work out what your post is for. You think you're right so why do you need validation?

smoking is a selfish habit if it comes above your kids

But you tried to conceive whilst smoking, how can you say that! It was only when you could t conceive you stopped. You were putting it about your child... why?

I doubt your friend is putting her smoking habit above her children. And if we all went by your logic we wouldn't be allowed a drink or a slice of cake, for neither are good for you and both cost money which could be spent on our children.

@Hopex3, mm but do use 'I'm just being honest' a bit too often, right?

I don't think there's much point in posters trying to explain anything to you here. You're the type of person who once they make up their mind, cannot be swayed. Educated/intelligent people can disagree with an issue, but still consider all angles and understand that it's not a black and white subject. However, carry on with your foot stomping, however it makes you look op.

It seems you are fine with him smoking as long as he validates your opinion by saying it’s selfish. So he is allowed to be selfish because at least he admits it? Wtf? Sort your relationship and your poor kids going without before judging others.

what a shame

What?

2019canFoff, don't explain yourself. You smoke outside away from your son and take measures to ensure third hand smoke isn't exposed to him. You are a light smoker and harming no one. You can afford it. Your son is well looked after and gets everything he needs. Don't explain yourself to someone that doesn't understand spending £30 a week or so on yourself to smoke, out in the open air and harming no one just because they think it's totally selfish.

Unless they never spend anything on themselves, they can shut up.

If people smoke in their homes and cars with their children there, that is selfish. If they use their last £10 for a packet of cigarettes and don't buy their child clothes or food with it instead, that is selfish. The majority of smokers with children are not doing this. This post is essentially telling people how to spend their money because let's face it, if you smoke outside, wash your hands, put a mint in your mouth and take off your smokey jacket, you aren't risking your childs health whatsoever and they likely don't even know you are doing it! I smoke socially, when I'm at work, when my son is away at nursery and when he is in his bed. He doesn't know I smoke, nor does he smell it or ever inhale it. I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant and until he was 9 months old. Now I smoke about 6-7 a day. So shoot me, I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. I'm not tanking a bottle of wine a night like a lot of people are or out sniffing coke or eating myself into oblivion. I have one vice, a vice that harms no one but myself so suck it up OP. Typical ex smoker attitude you have. Hooray for you that you quit for good!

Some people spend more than what I spend on cigarettes a week on hobbies, fuel to drive their cars all over the place polluting the air and take aways. You're assuming all smokers smoke 20 a day when they don't. Most people with young children don't have the time to smoke 20 a day and also have jobs where you can't light up every half an hour either!

It's not your opinion it's how you put it across, if you mean health side then yes obviously its selfish. If you mean financially, treats yabu. Just because you have kids does not mean you have to live on beans and rice. Kids NEEDS then yes I think most people will agree with you but you have flipped flopped a bit with it all.

Retroflex While smoking has a direct impact on the NHS, it can also be said to have an indirect impact on society more widely (for instance, fire services need to be called out to incidents caused by smoking and ill health can result in lost productivity at work). The think tank Policy Exchange made an attempt in 2010 at quantifying the wider costs, coming up with a £14 billion total (including the £2.7 billion estimate of NHS costs).
Smoking costs far, far more than lung cancer treatment. Many die at a younger age but many don’t. Those that don’t tend to have very high care costs from a younger than average age.
Apart from the financial cost, there is the cost to families and loved ones in emotional terms. A child having to watch a parent die from lung cancer isn’t nice and has consequences. That might be financial for counselling or other support or might be seen as an impact on their education and later earnings.
I stand by my view that smoking is nothing but harmful and costly and should be banned as the impact on others far outweighs any personal advantages for the smokers. Not that I think smelling revolting, premature ageing, bad breath, burning money or being a social pariah are advantageous.

OP , I’m sorry that you feel vilified but you really have set yourself up for criticism, particularly as your partner smokes and you smoked until you discovered you were pregnant.

Smoking is vile and I speak as someone who has often tried to give up but often failed.

Trouble is, you could replace ‘smoking’ with any number of other things , in your post. For example drinking, gambling, bingo, tanning, mountain climbing without safety ropes, white water rafting, eating only beige food, inducing vomiting after eating, Crystal meth.

You targeted smoking as being selfish. We understand. Do you not do something selfish that could be better spent on your children? Maybe stop buying paperbacks, avocados, manicures, hair-dos, a frivolous pair of shoes to match a particular frock, a streaming service, dental implants.

You sound very bitter, smug and slightly hypocritical.

if anything the fact I used to smoke and then quit probably gives me more reason to say I think its selfish. no, i was struggling to conceive and quit not just before I found out I was pregnant - it was 10 months down the line I conceived and miscarried, then another 4/5 months after to conceive my daughter. I'm not arguing my partners habit is just as selfish. my question was is smoking a selfish habit. apparently according to the large majority on here, it isnt. that's fine.

I've been attacked for my attitude on here, when people have been just as if not more so, harsh to me. if you want to smoke go ahead - I'm not telling anyone what to do. I stand by I think its selfish

my partner smoking was not the question, this got started because my friend said it wasnt selfish and I said it was. I thought it would be interesting to see what others thought. the overwhelming majority think it isnt, I'm a bit surprised but I accept it

You were selfish to even consider trying to conceive when smoking, you're a selfish parent to put your unborn child at risk, your partner is selfish to put his child at risk, you enable him, you've no right to judge others.

Everything is selfish.

There. Thread concluded🎉

You haven’t addressed the fact your kids are losing out because your partner smokes. Why are you still with such a selfish person?

My brother died last year of smoking-related lung cancer. One minute he was fine, 12 weeks later he was dead. He left three teenage boys without a father. His last words to me were I wish I'd never smoked. If you think smoking harms just yourself, you're wrong. Smoking can and does leave kids without the thing they need most in the world - a parent. But then so can loads of other things we all choose to do willingly. You can only really make your own decision about what you do. You just need to be willing to accept the consequences.

Hope - what was the point of this thread? Even when people have agreed with you that it is selfish (I was one of them) you still harp on. You just keep coming back with the same rebuttables like a broken record. Most people would agree smoking is bad for your health.

Do you secretly want all the smokers on here to hang their heads in shame and give up pronto cos you say its selfish? Honestly cannot see the point in your thread. If anyone looks like a troll, I'll give you a hint. It's not the people responding.

spongejack - oh it absolutely was selfish of me, I completely agree which is the whole point of my thread, I think when children are born its incredibly selfish.

cheesespreading - they definitely are not because I dont smoke and they have everything because of me. I have begged my partner to quit and told him how much it upsets me, he knows exactly how I feel and agrees its selfish. he hasnt debated that and it has been a massive issue between us and the second my children couldnt have shoes or he brought a packet of fags over our children having anything and I mean anything (wants or needs) there would be no question of myself being out the door. again, my question was is smoking a selfish habit that's it. I have already said I think it is and so does he.

missl1 - I think this is very well put, sorry to hear about your brother