DH and SC collection.

[Arghfudgeit]

Will start this by saying I love SC dearly. There is no hate there (despite some frustrations from time to time like I have with my dd!)

We have an 18 month DD. Usually by the time SC are here it times out so I've had time to put DD down to bed and settle her. On the rare time it has been earlier, DD has been hellspawn for getting to bed. Understandably she is excited to see her brother and sister and just then gets over tired and cranky and refuses bed.

Yesterday DH collected them slightly earlier than usual. I had asked on the first call to PLEASE take them for a bite to eat first so it gave me a window to put DD done and settle her.

Next thing I know I get a phone call - with them in the car saying they will be home soon. So i then had to say yet again, DH I need to settle dd. It's too close to bedtime and will be a nightmare. I hated doing this as I don't want SC to feel like I'm putting them off coming round- but I'm 21 weeks pregnant, exhausted, and quite honestly wanted DD down without any fuss as I was exhausted.

After a bit of to and through (no anger or anything but convincing) he finally agreed to hold off twenty minutes. Which was still tight and I had to rush DD through bedtime. Which caused her upset.

Which then resulted in waking up in the night (always a theme if bedtime is rushed) and then early this morning. All that i had to deal with.

DH excuse? "I'd had a long day at work and just wanted to get home"

Now in my eyes, that is bloody selfish.

Add that he then, as always is the way on a friday. Sprawled on the sofa and barely engaged with anyone at all.

This caused some words to be said out of earshot of SC. One of which on my part was along the lines of "if you aren't even going to engage with your kids, rush me to the detriment of DD, all while using being tired after work as an excuse and then leaving everything to me. Why the hell even bother with a friday? Cos it doesn't benefit SC and doesn't benefit me or DD being rushed and stressed like that. Nor me in general when I am left to be a nanny after I have dd down cos heaven forbid you engage with SC or do anything." His response was "next time I won't bother bringing you back any take out and you can cook for yourself" I responded "that would be fine if you're not home before bloody 7! Or if you are, a LOT earlier (around 4) so dd has time to be excited and then wind down"

Today he is now slightly put out I a) still have a bit of a mood on with him and b) chose to go out as I was still doing it all anyway. An offer I did extend to SC btw as well.

None of this is an SC problem. It is a DH one. But now I'm wondering if I've been a bit of a hormonal cow.

One beer will do no harm!! Don't stress about that.

Really glad you are calling WA tomorrow. There are some very good threads on the Relationships Board as to how to get those ducks lined up. I suggest you have a browse.

Oh logically I know! Just that anxious state of mind. Tbh as much as I love ds to be already it is times like this I really wish I could drink more! Not drunk, but enough to actually relax.

I have been going through the relationshop/legal/divorce and lone parent boards the last couple days.

It's so heartbreaking to see that this sort of thing or worse isn't unusual. I appreciate we all only tend to post when things are bad, but it seems such a common theme. And DH certainly hit a lot of those marks. In retrospect I wonder how on earth I never saw the warning signs sooner.

But. Live and learn.

He video called me today to let me know he was going to go into the TA later to leave... something of which he knows I have always wanted. Purely as due to his work hours, the extra time from home really impacted us. I told him not to do it. Then he begged to talk to dd due to missing her. Funny how missing her never was an issue when he was off doing what suited him. Or if she woke in the night after he had not seen her for days due to his work!

He truly is on his best behaviour. But I know it is all bullshit. Within a few weeks, or a month if I was really lucky I would be right back here again.

He is panicking because he knows he is going to lose his very comfortable little life soon. If he hadn't been such a piece of shit, if he had of invested energy in being a decent husband and father to all his children, he never would have lost me. I love/still love I guess, him dearly.

I asked for very little. I wasn't always perfect, no one is. But I always, always put his and the childrens needs before my own. I may not have always gotten it right, or perfect. But i tried every single day.

And now I will get to enjoy the rewards of that. Hopefully sc and I can remain close, I KNOW I will have a bond like no other with my own DC.

Slowly he will lose all of that. I would pity him, if it wasnt for the fact his kids will be the one losing a father.

But for all my own faults, I am a good mum. SCs mum is a good mum too. They all have so much love around them, I hope as a team we can continue to make sure they know that.

Onwards and upwards

OP, I think you are inspirational to read. Really.
You were killing yourself trying to do it all, even when faced with a really lazy piece of shit.

I am so glad, a nice woman like you is not going to remain in this situation for ever.

WA will be full of great realistic advice.

You can be sure that waste of space is nervous.
Abusive men know when they have pushed things too far and need to back track to protect themselves.

Thank god you see it for the total bullshit it is.

I am so delighted you have your sister supporting you.

Your parents are stronger than you realise and no decent parent would want their child to remain in such an awful situation to protect them.

You are doing so well OP💐💐

What a stupid selfish idiot. Reap what you sew and all that....... he doesn't deserve your love.

I'm not quite sure what your last post means? TA? Territorial Army? Twats Annonymous? the latter he'd be welcome with open arms I'm sure.

Let him re write history, that's how he'll always live out his life. Don't be surprised if he finds a replacement cook n bottlewasher pretty quickly, men like that can't survive on their own.

I bet you and the ex wife will share some stories over the next few months.

On a separate note OP I was away with a lady from England last summer who had divorced her husband years ago but was telling us that she was going to her sd's hen night and wedding when she got home. The sd was even able to acknowledge that her dad was an arsehole and had treated this lady like shit.

They were still very close after many years of a crap divorce from the sd's dad. It was really heart warming to hear. Just a thought.

Morning, OP. I have been where you are, and believe me, when you finally kick him out and get to the other side, the feeling of relief, joy and freedom are utterly priceless.

Your life will be so much easier and happier without a big man child to drag you down, create more work, and cause you stress.

I hope you free yourself of him.
Shame he already has produced so many kids, any reason he hasn’t had a vasectomy since he can’t cope and keeps on impregnating women?

Just caught up, how are you doing op? X