to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

I'm with you OP. Children in the back, adults in the front. There is much less room in the back of most cars.

But then again I wouldn't have impinged on his time with them by going along for the ride.

Of course he should let her sit in the front! His priority should always be his children

Not to the point if letting them do as they bloody well please & have
No manners. Disney Dad.

Those saying she should be in a car seat. The legal size is 135cm to not need one.
Average height for a child on their 9th birthday is 133.5cm, so the chances are that she's tall enough.

What @EverdeRose said...

Depends on height. I was a very tall 9 year old who got car sick (well over 135cm)...so I was popped in the front.

I find the whole ‘respect’ argument strange. Respect can’t be forced, it comes from how you feel about the other person, surely? And is a two way street?

It’s manners - he should have asked his DD to move
DM always gets front seat as does DP
Youngest go in back even though they are adults

A child's opinion does not have the same weight as an adults.

Well it totally depends on the context doesn't it, but I raise my children to feel their opinions are just as valid as their parents. I find it odd that anyone wouldn't.

Perhaps this is why we have a culture of entitled children

There seem to be a good number of entitled adults on this thread 😂😂

Do your DSC get any time alone with thier father? By sitting in the front seat she may be subtly trying to say that she wants time alone to speak to her dad. Given your reaction to this situation she may not feel comfortable saying this outright to you in case she causes offence.

Why doesnt a childs opinion have equal weight to an adults?

Surely it depends on the situation.

I'm a stepmother and wouldnt expect my ss to get out of the front if he was already in the seat. I would just get in the back and switch when he got out.

I would sit in the front seat if we all started the journey together as it would just be natural as we got to the car I would go to the front.

As an adult is be embarrassed to get into a row over who sits in the front seat.

Honestly 🙄🙄🙄

It’s a personal choice which you are entitled too! We were always taught that adults sit in the front seats. If he really wanted you to tag a long he would have asked his kid to sit in the back she could have agreed or disagreed.. he imho should NOT have said you sit in the back.. I am all for kids have rights but also common decency ( do not bash me .. it’s just MY opinion not a law!)
Is there not a law where young kids have to be on booster seats in the back ( probably something like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ )

Wow just wow.

Your ridiculously petty

I agree with you OP. Just basic manners and respect, growing up my parents sat in the front, and me and sister sat in the back. Doesn't mean we weren't loved and valued, or listened to but our parents were the adults.

It's hardly unusual for a 9 year old to be over 135cm and out of a booster. The average height of a 9 year old is 133cm. DS moved to the front at 10 due to car sickness and I just put the seat as far back as it would go away from the airbag.

I'm with you op. Would have done the same too

I know adults who haven't sat in the front of the car for years because their children sit in the front.

We always sat up front with a parent in the back - partly travel sickness and partly so we wouldn't fight.

YANBU. If one of my dc are in the front they always get out and move to the back when I have to pick up an adult to continue a journey.

You sound like a bigger kid than his daughter.

I've always put my kids in the back because it's safer. They didn't sit in the front until well into their teens.

He sounds like a disney dad. And a drip.

I'd run as fast as my legs could carry me, tbh.

Not to the point if letting them do as they bloody well please & have no manners. Disney Dad.

Lol. It was a one off! The OP clearly states that the DD usually jumps in the back when asked.

No, adults always in the front unless good reasons otherwise. When his DD went for the front seat her father should have calmly but firmly directed her to the back as they were going to pick up OP. Saying that, I probably would still have gone though and raised it with him later.

135cm is not tall enough to be safe in the front if there's an airbag. She'd need to be 150cm which would be very tall for 9.

Why is it disrespectful to expect you to sit in the back but not to expect his DD to do the same? Do you think you're more important than her?