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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

967 replies

Fauxfurrealwhiskey · 18/01/2020 16:30

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

OP posts:
SophieSong · 18/01/2020 16:39

Uh, surely you would be sitting in the front on the way back once they were dropped off? So then you both get a turn in the front seat (literally can't believe I'm posting that!)

TacoLover · 18/01/2020 16:40

It would have been fair enough if she wasn't already in the car, but she was. It's ridiculous to expect her to get out of the car and switch places because of some outdated tradition.

Oysterbabe · 18/01/2020 16:40

I'm team rampant cow.

HeckyPeck · 18/01/2020 16:40

YANBU. Parents should be in the front. Excepting a good reason obviously.

Hell, I'm in my thirties and sit in the back when in my parents car!

Same here.

Andylion · 18/01/2020 16:40

His DD was there first,

I think the OPs DH should have told his DD to sit in the back when she got in, then there wouldn't have been an issue.

BruceAndNosh · 18/01/2020 16:41

My answer would have been the same if it was your own child being dropped back at her father's

Floralnomad · 18/01/2020 16:41

All you’ve done is made yourself look a bit ridiculous .

AllergicToAMop · 18/01/2020 16:41

Adults don't go sulk online about not being in a front seat afaik ...

BorneoBabe · 18/01/2020 16:41

YANBU. You are the adult. It's a sign of respect.

If he has form for this, I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

PityParty4one · 18/01/2020 16:42

She was already in the car and sat there so YABU.
As an adult I am past the age where sitting in the front seat was a prize and I was the winner.

You have come across as childish OP.

Fairylea · 18/01/2020 16:42

Wow I think you’ve been ridiculous and very passive aggressive.

His dd was in the seat first! I think you’ve made yourself look like a total arse. If my dh did that to me I would be furious!

Mummadeeze · 18/01/2020 16:43

Can’t you just be nice to his DD and let her have the treat of sitting up front with her Dad. Your response sounds sulky and passive aggressive. You would sit in the back of a taxi surely? There are times where adults sit in the back of a car.

my2bundles · 18/01/2020 16:43

Is an adult really posting this?

puds11 · 18/01/2020 16:43

I wouldn’t let a 9 yo sit in the front of the car!

NotStayingIn · 18/01/2020 16:43

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. There is no way I would sit in the back seat behind a child. No way. Step child or not.

MissBax · 18/01/2020 16:43

So you're asking him to put your preference ahead of his own child's?! You sound like a dick and he should LTB

sauvignonblancplz · 18/01/2020 16:43

Awk give the dad & dd a break. You’re being very petty.

Purpleartichoke · 18/01/2020 16:44

My dd only lives with me so we have plenty of time together. Most of our really good conversations happen in the car.

Tink2007 · 18/01/2020 16:44

Mmm...see my mum didn’t drive but my grandad did. When we went out my Nan always sat in the front passenger seat; it never ever crossed my mind to sit in that seat and if I had been out with my grandad, I would always get out and get in the back if we were picking my Nanna up.

Scarsthelot · 18/01/2020 16:45

Ita a sign or respect?

Hhahahhaha it's a seat in a car. The kids were getting out. How do people cope with all adults in the car? How do they decide who gets the more respectful seat.

SinkGirl · 18/01/2020 16:46

Was she in a car seat? Legally they should both be in car seats unless they’re extremely tall for their age (especially the 9 YO).

YABU if you expected him to move a car seat so you could sit in the front.

He is being unreasonable if he’s letting them travel without a car seat, especially in the front.

Either way you’re being unreasonable- you could have sat in the front on the way back

willothewispa · 18/01/2020 16:46

Children should be in the back and adults in the front but it's not a battle I'd have picked to have there and then.

BlouseAndSkirt · 18/01/2020 16:46

Are the passenger seats horribly squashed, or is it a roomy car?

I would not set yourself up in competition with your DSDs, but I do think it reasonable for adults to sit in the front.

Would your DP sit in the back when you drive your DCs in the car? Try it.... might be the better way to negotiate this.

Apolloanddaphne · 18/01/2020 16:46

I hate sitting in the back of cars so I probably would have done the same.

SevenStones · 18/01/2020 16:46

Over thirty years ago I had a fiance of two years. We went to pick up his mum from work one night. He drove and I was in the passenger seat. We picked her up, she sat in the back. Later, when I'd gone home she apparently gave him hell about me not getting out of the car and getting into the back so she could sit in the front!

I thought it ridiculous then, and I think it's ridiculous now. It's a car, people sit where there's a seat. Someone was in the front, so sit in the back. What on earth is the big deal?

I wonder what the other instances of her "getting away with stuff" are if this is one of them.