Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

967 replies

Fauxfurrealwhiskey · 18/01/2020 16:30

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

OP posts:
ChipsyChopsy · 18/01/2020 16:54

YANBU. I wouldn't stand for that either. I'm nearly 40 and still wouldn't dream of sitting in the front seat if I'm going anywhere with my parents. She should have budged. And if not, her dad should have told her to.

Scarsthelot · 18/01/2020 16:54

Perhaps this is why we have a culture of entitled children

Yes, all it takes to make a child entitled is to let them sit on ybe magical front seat ...once

squirrelspatchcock · 18/01/2020 16:55

I am really surprised at the outcome of this vote. I think YANBU. I hate sitting in the back and I generally expect the kids to sit there (unless they were car sick). I would sit in the back on short journeys, but I definitely would not do an unnecessary hour long journey sat in the back.

strawberry2017 · 18/01/2020 16:55

When I was a child I only got to sit in the front when it wasn't needed for an adult. I would have been expected at this point to move to the back so you could sit there and I would have only moved in to the front when the adult left. I never thought myself above an adult in this manner
I think it's pretty rude and it's a respect thing.
I don't think you are unreasonable.

EverdeRose · 18/01/2020 16:55

I don't think it's going to work out if you treat his daughters as competition.

Armadilloboss · 18/01/2020 16:55

Seriously? @BorneoBabe you would reconsider the relationship over this? His DD wanted to sit in the front. He was about to take her to her mothers and see her again next weekend presumably! Of course he should let her sit in the front! His priority should always be his children. Saying you won’t go because she is in the front and not you is ridiculous, and tbh if I were him, I would be reconsidering the relationship myself! You’ve just put a bad vibe on their last hour together. Over a seat!

Somemore · 18/01/2020 16:55

I vote YANBU although I'd have probably gone along with it and then discussed it on the way back.

myidentitymycrisis · 18/01/2020 16:55

I don't think you are unreasonable. Perhaps in the way you dealt with it, but in principle, no.

travellover · 18/01/2020 16:56

She was already in the car and you expect her to move in the back Confused no I don't think adults get to sit in the front over children - especially since the kids were getting dropped back and you could sit in the front on the way home anyway

MissBax · 18/01/2020 16:56

Everyone saying they'd move for their parents - she isn't the girls mum though, she isn't even living with her dad!

Tartyflette · 18/01/2020 16:56

I too thought 9 was too young to sit in the front Passenger seat of the car, I seem to recall my DS was in a booster seat till he was around that age, and he was not at all a small kid.
(He still sits in the back now as a 20-something person. )
I would give up the front seat for an elderly person or someone with mobility issues, otherwise I sit in the front passenger seat if I'm not driving.

AmelieTaylor · 18/01/2020 16:57

Yes, it’s about manners & respect

As you can see from many of the posts, it’s pretty obvious why kids have no respect for adults these days!

Even as someone approaching 50, I wouldn’t expect an older (than me) person or the driver’s partner, to sit in the back while I sat in the front.

It’s manners!

flouncyfanny · 18/01/2020 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slipperywhensparticus · 18/01/2020 16:57

My son does tend to sit in the front seat but he does get travel sick in the back so it's his priority seat but he does defer to his big sister when she is home unless it's long distance

SoupDragon · 18/01/2020 16:57

I'm an adult and not a child

Um... and yet you refused to go when you didn't get your own way... 🤔

BorneoBabe · 18/01/2020 16:57

Christ alive, I'm glad I was raised in a family where children and parents were family equals.

Christ alive, I'm glad I WASN'T.

Parents and children are not equals. A child's opinion does not have the same weight as an adults.

Battytwatty · 18/01/2020 16:57

Scarsthelot Don’t be a dick! It’s obvious what I meant. Adults take priory. And as I also said, it’s basic manners and respect

thistimelastweek · 18/01/2020 16:58

I am with the OP on this.
Whether it's in the car or in the home, children defer to adults on the seating arrangements.
However, I don't know if I would have made my stand in front of the child.

FriedasCarLoad · 18/01/2020 16:58

Can't believe the criticism you're getting, OP!

Adults get priority over the front seat. It's disappointing to read how many spoilt kids there are who are allowed to call shotgun over an adult. Terrible manners.

Do they get to demand equal authority over the master bedroom, the joint account and the choices of holidays, too? Confused

JKScot4 · 18/01/2020 16:58

Hope she’s tall enough to be sitting in the front.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/01/2020 16:58

@myidentitymycrisis I think that's the issue though. I think if they were all getting in the car at the same time it'd be assumed OP was getting in the front, and the child would be in the back.

Whereas OP was getting collected and the others were already in the car so she had a strop, in close range of the children, and decided not to go with them. So now they'll think they've upset her, or think "what a silly cow" or (hopefully not) their dad will be grumpy for their journey home.

She could've got in the back and spoke to DH about it on the way back, but instead she caused drama unnecessarily.

Nesquickly · 18/01/2020 16:58

YANBU
As others have said, seniority rules. I am 45 and sit in the back if anyone older than I am wants the front seat. I sometimes offer it to my adult child but only if I'm feeling generous.

Scarsthelot · 18/01/2020 16:58

The front seat is a seat in a car not throne or anything else.

It's no more special than any other seat. People are simply adding their own value to a seat.

cavabiensepasser · 18/01/2020 16:58

You are an adult, she is a child. A hierarchy of sorts should apply. Yes, you should have sat in front.

BorneoBabe · 18/01/2020 16:58

As you can see from many of the posts, it’s pretty obvious why kids have no respect for adults these days!

Nailed it right here.