Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband holding hands with male friend.

484 replies

User3679963 · 18/01/2020 10:00

I would like a little perspective please.

My husband told me that a male friend (who he rarely sees) holds his hand when they meet up. I think this is odd, I cant imagine walking through town to see my husband holding hands with his friend. But my husband genuinely sees nothing wrong with it. When I said I thought it was odd, he stared at me blankly and just said 'Sorry I dont see what's wrong with it.' His friend is straight, as is my husband (although during his teens he apparently used to hold hands with another male friend, who he thought he had feelings for but in the end they were just very good friends. They both had hard upbringings and were like brothers).
I asked him if he thought it appropriate to hold a female friends hand, and he said if she was to reach for his hand he wouldn't have an issue with it. We are all British, so it's not a cultural thing. (I know in some cultures it's the norm for male friends to hold hands)
So as not to drop feed, my husband isn't the most affectionate person. We're intimate on average once every 4 months, sometimes 6, and he sees this as normal and has no worries about it. We rarely kiss other than a peck when one of us is going out, and hes not the type to cuddle up on the sofa in the evenings (it wasn't like this before we got married) So I can't tell if he is either genuinely detached emotionally, so something like hand holding isn't an intimate action to him, or whether there is more to this.

I'm sorry if this seems like a ridiculous thing to ask.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 18/01/2020 10:19

No sorry not the norm i sometimes link arms with my female friends but thats about it-never seen or heard of straight men holding hands

Aridane · 18/01/2020 10:19

I doubt you would think anything of it if it was two female friends holding hands.

I would

CelebrityDave · 18/01/2020 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LEELULUMPKIN · 18/01/2020 10:20

Another one here who thinks like the majority. Gay or bi. Sorry OP.

Ohtherewearethen · 18/01/2020 10:21

In my circle of friends it's not common to hold hands with eachother and I don't think it's that common outside of my group of friends either, just going by what I observe when out and about. For one thing it's not actually a very comfortable way to walk!
Combining all the things you have told us about your husband I would probably come to the conclusion that he was homosexual but not openly so. Maybe he hasn't come to terms with it all yet and the magnitude of his realising he might be gay and what that means for you and him.

NewloveCG · 18/01/2020 10:21

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Yes, it’s probably because we all went to secondary school together, we all show affection to each other by holding hands, hugging etc. I don’t understand why it’s seen as a bad thing, surely men showing emotion and being affectionate is a good thing. If women can do it why can’t men

Lockheart · 18/01/2020 10:22

Is he British? It's normal in some cultures but generally not Britain.

zoobincan · 18/01/2020 10:22

He has been caught out and is offering you his cover story before you hear it from someone else.

If he was walking down the street holding hands with a woman would you believe that were innocent?

I'm sorry OP but he is having an affair.

CelebrityDave · 18/01/2020 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 18/01/2020 10:23

Straight folk do NOT hold hands in public.

Hmm
CelebrityDave · 18/01/2020 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zoobincan · 18/01/2020 10:23

That picture literally means nothing. It's 2 men holding hands 🤷🏻‍♀️

SquareAsABlock · 18/01/2020 10:23

Sorry, not sure what needs explaining to you here? Your husband - who isn't physical with you and has admitted to having feelings for a man in the past - is now publicly holding hands with another guy when they're out and about. What else does he need to do to get the penny to drop?

It's bizarre how many of these threads get started on AIBU.

zoobincan · 18/01/2020 10:24

Oh sorry just seen you have said they are straight. Didn't know this when I posted.

GoodnightJude1 · 18/01/2020 10:24

I think he’s covering his back because someone you know has seen him.
I couldn’t image my OH holding hands with one of his mates. He’ll give them a ‘man hug’ when he first sees them with that very forceful pat on the back that they do...but not hold hands.

LoonyLunaLoo · 18/01/2020 10:24

I’ve never, ever seen 2 platonic male friends holding hands!

Didiusfalco · 18/01/2020 10:25

Bluntness has it spot on in the second post. I’m so sorry - this must be a shock. What are you going to do?

user1471449295 · 18/01/2020 10:25

He’s been seen in pubic holding hands with OM and wanted to get in there first before you are told.
He’s most likely having an affair with this ‘friend’

CelebrityDave · 18/01/2020 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xiaoxiong · 18/01/2020 10:26

His cultural background is relevant - I have seen this in India, Dubai, and China (more the older generation). Never in this country.

Billben · 18/01/2020 10:27

Yes they can and do see above post

They are celebrities who very often play for the cameras 😀 More exposure, more money I guess.

aroundtheworldyet · 18/01/2020 10:27

Celebrities who are young and hip and have large egos and think they’re cool as fuck hold hands.
Dave 54, who’s 5ft 9 3/4 works as a chartered surveyor in Milton Keynes. lost his hair at 24, likes painting model planes. Does not hold hands with men. Unless he’s a gay/bi man.

User3679963 · 18/01/2020 10:27

Thank you for your replies. He is British, as is his friend. His friend lives in another country now so they see one another maybe once a year. It only came up because we were watching a program and he pointed out that I had spoiled it a little by saying that two particular characters would become a couple. I pointed out that from the start they were affectionate and holding hands and this is when he said that that isn't an indication that they're a couple. So it's not like he was trying to subtly test the waters or break it to me.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 18/01/2020 10:27

He may not be 100% gay, but I'd say he's not 100% straight either...

HuggedTrees · 18/01/2020 10:27

Sorry, bluntness has it right I think.