Husband holding hands with male friend.

[User3679963]

I would like a little perspective please.

My husband told me that a male friend (who he rarely sees) holds his hand when they meet up. I think this is odd, I cant imagine walking through town to see my husband holding hands with his friend. But my husband genuinely sees nothing wrong with it. When I said I thought it was odd, he stared at me blankly and just said 'Sorry I dont see what's wrong with it.' His friend is straight, as is my husband (although during his teens he apparently used to hold hands with another male friend, who he thought he had feelings for but in the end they were just very good friends. They both had hard upbringings and were like brothers).
I asked him if he thought it appropriate to hold a female friends hand, and he said if she was to reach for his hand he wouldn't have an issue with it. We are all British, so it's not a cultural thing. (I know in some cultures it's the norm for male friends to hold hands)
So as not to drop feed, my husband isn't the most affectionate person. We're intimate on average once every 4 months, sometimes 6, and he sees this as normal and has no worries about it. We rarely kiss other than a peck when one of us is going out, and hes not the type to cuddle up on the sofa in the evenings (it wasn't like this before we got married) So I can't tell if he is either genuinely detached emotionally, so something like hand holding isn't an intimate action to him, or whether there is more to this.

I'm sorry if this seems like a ridiculous thing to ask.

Bingo .

I'm male and heterosexual.

The only people's s hands I would hold would be someone I was in a relationship with or a child's.

The last time I held a male friend's hand was back in primary school and I was about 10 and it was only because the teacher had told us to while we walked in the street whilst on a trip. I remember we were both embarrassed by it and that it was more finger holding than actual hand holding.

Definitely homosexual. He should be honest to himself and you.

He's gay. End of.

Gotta love MN

I have to say I'm surprised that the answers are so black and white pointing out that be would definitely be gay. I genuinely thought that there would be more opinions of 'that's weird' or just not right...

I'm surprised too OP. Posters seem SO sure.

although during his teens he apparently used to hold hands with another male friend, who he thought he had feelings for but in the end they were just very good friends.

He's gay or bi.

And in denial, or dishonest.

Hetero guys generally do not "think they have feelings for other males", it wouldn't even enter their heads.

Have you got to catch him with a penis in his mouth before you think his gay?

I haven't rtft to see if you mention kids anywhere but please don't have kids with him if you don't already.

He's either gonna cheat behind your back (emotionally at the very least) the while marriage, or come out and leave you sooner or later.

Though the denial sounds so strong with him, maybe he'd never come out.

Btw he may never ever, ever admit being bi or gay ... So don't base your decisions on what he says.

There was a poster on here who's DH had been caught being in gay chat lines - which he'd convinced her were really just chat/conversation lines about questioning your sexuality (and he's didn't hundreds of hours discussing questioning his sexuality) ... And on top of that she'd overhead him hooking up in the car with another man (or at least heard the conversation part of it) when he accidentally answered his phone to her without realising - which prompted her thread. He was then convincing her that it was a neutral conversation about an accident in the car park and she was totally mistaken in what she heard. He told her that sexuality was fluid and he had in the past not been 100% hetero, but now was and had no feelings toward other men at all.
By the end of the thread it was clear she was staying with him. These guys gaslight to phenomenal levels.

He's super gay

I worked in the dating industry for many years. All the evidence points to your dh being gay. Of course there is a chance he's not yet admitted this to himself.

“These guys” What exactly do you mean by that.

And sorry the comment about “these guys” gaslighting to pronominal levels. Gay men aren’t a different species and you aren’t an expert. You’ve read two threads.

There is a whiff of homophobia about this thread. Who knew being gay meant you absolutely hold hands with other men.

It does seem odd, op. I haven't read the entire thread but will try to. How long have you been together and do you have children?

I suggest you ask your husband, kindly and gently one evening when you're sitting together, if he is gay. Speak with no judgement and look him in the eyes. You have a right to know and you'll observe his facial expression and body language when you ask. For all you know it may be a relief to him to have it out in the open with you - if he is gay of course.

Good luck.

Sorry op, I'm reading back now and see that you do have a child.

“These guys”hmm What exactly do you mean by that.

Men who are gay or bi and who use their wives (entirely intentionally or not) as beards.

And that's not based on two threads.

And as for homophobic, ridiculous. I have numerous gay male friends - none of whom are married to women, cause they're honest with themselves and other people.

Yeah holding hands with other men and saying you also did if with a teenage make friend you thought you had "feelings" for us totally average behaviour for hetero males in our society 😆.

I’ve never really thought twice about seeing two men holding hands and have witnessed it a few times in big cities. My automatic assumption is that they are a couple though because I can’t see why adult friends would ever hold hands, ok so maybe when drunk or to console one another if something bad has happened but that’s it. I don’t think it’s a ‘normal’ thing for friends to casually do, not in the UK.

Given the lack of sex and intimacy between you, homosexuality is a strong possibility. You’d be surprised how many closeted gays still exist, even in 2020 Britain. You need to ask him really and see how he reacts, you’ll probably know if he’s lying.

If he's not gay I'll eat my hat.

Wow I’m amazed you know so many using their wives as beards. What are the chsnces?It’s so common.

And your word average hit the nail on the head. Average meaning not every single one.

Urkiddin where are your stats for that big statement?

My husbands mates might hold hands as a piss take on a night out briefly or jokingly reach for each others hand but to soberly walk the street holding hands is...odd.
If you wouldn't stand for it with a woman then theres no reason to stand for it with a man!

Who knew being gay meant you absolutely hold hands with other men.hmm

The yanbu is sitting at 91% for this thread, and the vast vast majority of posters think ops dh is gay or bi. You're an outlier, you gave to ask yourself why.

@BeetrootChi11i

You're really getting very excited, angry and fighty about this ... What on earth is going on with you or are you just the poster in this thread who's spoiling for a fight with anyone.

Your determination to defend/promote the view that some hetero men hold hands with their male friends (having said they did similar and had feelings for a teenage male friend) is bizarre.

Maybe your DH and his friend are BFFs....like these two below.

It's actually common in the middle East (and India I think) for men to hold hands as a sign of friendship.

The ops dh isn't middle eastern though, and I'm guessing the other man using either.