Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

Woh no Way You wouldn’t pay again.. I think it is miscommunication between mother and daughter and that is why op hasn’t had a response with The transfer details.. But the daughter could have just told mum that op had paid the money as seems to be clear drunk or not.. these days I still cannot remember sometimes even not under the influence of alcohol 😄😄

I charge £10/hour as a 33yr old for work colleagues but this includes twins and bath/bed time 🤷🏼‍♂️😂 £6/hr seems reasonable to me

I wonder if it is to do with you being drunk.
Perhaps the sitter want used to seeing an adult so drunk and it threw her - she took the money in a rush and shoved it somewhere and left the house as fast as possible. Perhaps she later told her Mum how drunk you'd been and had been upset by it. When she couldn't instantly put her hands on the cash, she or mum or both jumped to a conclusion that you hadn't paid because you were so drunk.

Of course.....its just one of several possibilities. Perhaps Mum was still a bit frosty because you'd been so drunk and she thought it inappropriate for babysitter to come back to. Depends in the girl and her life experience.

Re rates of pay, as a babysitter isn't an employee working for an employer, minimum wage etc doesn't apply, A babysitter is essentially casually self employed. If you use an agency you pay a premium for their checks and organisation and the fact they source DBS, often qualified staff. A teenage girl isn't the same and won't command the same rate of pay.

People have all kinds of arrangements with teenagers. Some do it for family friends as a favour, some for a small donation of perhaps £10 for an evening regardless of hours, some charge a small rate per hour of £3 and others up to £10. The key thing is the rate is agreed in advance and probably if the sitter is young or inexperienced, that the rate is also agreed with the parents. No-one has to agree to an arrangement/rate they aren't happy with.

As adults we might not work for £5-6 per hour. A teenager who has a chance to earn some money when they don't have a job and will spend the evening watching TV at home otherwise might be perfectly happy to earn £10 for an evening or £40 in this case. I don't think it is exploitative if everyone agrees. When you take a teenager on and pay teenage rates, you also have to accept you're not getting a professional and its someone with limited life experience. It's why people often only use them when they are pretty local and can get home quickly, or if they live very nearby and their parents are very much on call and are family friends.

£7+ just seems like a lot to me.

^For an unqualified teenager to babysit, I agree.

I'd say she's just mortified and her daughter is getting it in the ear now. Just don't mention it unless she brings it up.

Pay rates do reflect expectations. Teenagers won't usually be cooking a meal, doing bathtime and managing several children....although a few might. I think the usual cheap rate teenager is simply a responsible presence in the house - they are often only there after children have gone to bed.

However, it is a responsibility that has to be taken seriously and not just given to anyone. The fact they are watching the TV as they could do at home isn't really relevant...they bear a big responsibility. If a child wakes they will have to go to them and react appropriately. There is a chance of an emergency occurring and they would then have to react accordingly - it is unlikely but they need to be capable of making decisions in a crisis or minor incident. You are paying for that reposnsible presence not for them to watch TV - but that said, they are not qualified adult child carers and they pay reflects that.

Again, a teenager might really enjoy babysitting or be very happy to get a boost to their income which wouldn't impress us as adults. They don't need to be paid the same as qualified adults, but equally can't be expected to do the same tasks.

If I wanted a teenager to come over in the day and cook for my children and take them out and entertain them and put them to bed and generally behave like a childminder, then I might pay childminder rates......which incidentally might not be more than £6 in lots of areas. Part of their rate of pay is determined by the amount of hours they do - as childminders often have children all day they kften charge a slightly lower hourly rate as they are thinking about their overall earnings. And again minimum wage doesn't apply - they aren't employees and might have several children all at once. Actually because of this, if a teenager were caring exclusively for my children during the day, id ensure I paid at least £6 per hour, per child. Personally though, I wouldn't use a teenager for this work, just for a short evening stretch if I was local and could get home quickly and their own parents were nearby too.

Average here is £10ph for a qualified nanny

So £6 for a teenager is good

Good grief, Wombat, do you honestly believe that 16 year olds are so coddled these days that they have an attack of the vapours if they see a drunk woman? (Who was still perfectly capable of walking, talking, checking on her children, adding up, making sense of rounding up from 36 to 40, etc) That it would cause them to temporarily lose their senses to the extent of memory loss and become so upset that they run to their mother to share their grief and couldn't for the life of them remember where they had put the £40 they were given just moments earlier?
If this is really what you think is one of many possibilities then I'd say they are not really a suitable candidate for babysitting. Or indeed going outside ever again.

Can I babysit for you, OP? When I used to babysit (and not even that long ago really - 01 to I think about 06/07 - I used to get a fiver a night 6-10pm or a tenner for a day 9-5pm for (usually) 2 but sometimes up to 6 children depending on if her friend couldn't find childcare that day! (which started to happen more often when her friend realised it was 'free' childcare... )

Glad it has all been sorted :) If the girl was playing you she's daft - she's risked more nights for more cash for the sake of a potential £40!

I cant stop laughing at how people think she might have been so traumatised at seeing a woman drunk 😂😂 I'm sorry but I'm sure the teenager and her parents knew there was a slight chance they would be drinking. 😮 shock horror someones drunk SHAME OP SHAME 😂

£6ph seems reasonable to me! I used to get £4ph which I was happy with. Was a particularly beneficial night when the mother didn't come home until 10am! However, I look after my friends children for free now. May be worth seeing if you know anyone that would? I don't have children but will still look after them for my friends. I always say it's no skin off my nose to watch TV at theirs rather than mine.

Anyway, now you know she had the money all along, I would assume she was chancing it. Maybe she thought her mum would give her the money rather than messaging you.

What you paid is very fair OP. I didn't mean to sound like I thought you were underpaying!

I pay the teenager that babysits for me £10 an hour now, she's 17, but paid her £20 for less than 3 hours and £30 for over, when she started at 15. I would've given extra for after midnight as well.

I pay my cleaner/housekeeper/miracle worker less than £10 an hour as that's her set rate. Personally I think she's nuts... She's been housekeeping and nannying for years and years, will do school runs etc as well as babysitting, but she's not been available when we've needed her do far, so the teenager wins! lol

She's going to uni soon though... sigh

Of course you haven't done anything wrong. The message the Mum sent was by text. Test's can commonly seem 'short', as...er.... they are . There is no body language, no tone of voice and no facial expression to read.

Glad it was as so many of us predicted, and Mum had jumped in after the dd had (for whatever reason) told what she thought would be a little white lie, without thinking her Mum would intervene.
It's a learning curve for the babysitter (and maybe her Mum), but all is well.
£40 for an evening is more than generous OP.
My 18 yr old babysits (she has a dbs, and lots of experience and is a fully qualified first aider) and is more than happy with £25 for an evening - especially when she hasn't even had to do anything.
Daft to say not to use her - she was avoiding paying something to her Mum, and bent the truth, thinking it was between her and her Mum. No harm done and hopefully a lesson learned.

It sounds like she had it out with her daughter and the dd came clean that she had been paid or that the money "turned up" and once she realised this she was too embarrassed to let you know. No excuse for that though. She should have let you know as soon as she found out.

So, no apology?
Don't care how embarrassed she might have felt, she should have phoned/texted you herself to tell you the issue was resolved, and acknowledged the position she put you in by saying, "so sorry about that."
Find another babysitter in future.

I’m going to guess she lied to her mum and now her mum is cross with her- not you- and she’s embarrassed about it.

Don’t overthink it.

She sounds mental, she was probably hoping for the money herself!

And all this talk of price of babysitters is irrelevant to the post.

As we predicted early on, the daughter was being naughty, the mum has caught her out, everyone is a bit embarrassed. You did nothing wrong and should be breezy next time you see either of them! Time to find a different babysitter and don't recommend this one!

Silly girl - has lost herself a job and possible recommendations by being grabby

I think her DD either forgot you paid or was chancing it, thought she could double her money.

People are far too trusting of teenagers if they believe a 16 year old isn’t capable of such deceit. You should try teaching them for a while, some of them have no idea how to tell the truth.

The minimum wage for a 16 year old is £4.35 and for an 18 year old £6.15

Last year dd (17) was earning £6.50 per hour for teaching drama to a group of kids. She’d have jumped at the chance to earn that fir simply simply sitting in someone’s house whilst they slept.

Also most 16 year olds have been pissed themselves...

Round here, qualified childcare used for baby sitting via Sitters.co.uk get £8-£8.50/hour. £6/hour seems very decent for a 16 year old to me.

This is reminding me of an incident many years ago at a family wedding. All the kids (from two families/4 parents) were put to bed in a cottage next to the venue, with a babysitter. One of us would go back periodically to check all were settled as they did not know the sitter. In turn, each of us paid, so that it did not get forgotten later. The sitter said nothing and took home about £300 for an evening in front of the TV with sleeping toddlers upstairs!

This is reminding me of an incident many years ago at a family wedding. All the kids (from two families/4 parents) were put to bed in a cottage next to the venue, with a babysitter. One of us would go back periodically to check all were settled as they did not know the sitter. In turn, each of us paid, so that it did not get forgotten later. The sitter said nothing and took home about £300 for an evening in front of the TV with sleeping toddlers upstairs!

this is hilarious.....