Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

Surely your husband was aware if you had paid?
If he went to the loo, when he came back in presumably he would have said something like ‘right, have we paid? Let’s get your an ordered/let’s get you a lift home’ etc.
Or even just directly asked you.

He wouldn’t just assume you had paid her and not mention it would he?

Give your friend a ring.
Say you are "just calling to check if dd found the money - it would be such a shame if she lost it on the way home - I didn't see he put it in a purse or in her pocket, she had it in her hand. ^We were stood in the living room. DH and I walked through the door, said hi to her, I went upstairs to check on boys, came back down, DH went to toilet, I came back into living room, gave her two £20 notes and said "I don't have change for £36 but you can just keep it" she smiled and said thank you."
Let your friend know you have sympathy.

All those of us with teens can see the dd having said to her Mum "I'm broke" when being asked to pay for something, and Mum possibly jumping to conclusions - the dd not thinking for a minute her Mum would have texted you.
Be proactive in clearing it up - you'll feel awful if the Mum continues to think you didn't pay.

You wouldn’t seriously give her that whole spiel, BackForGood?! It actually sounds like a lie, to be perfectly honest . Far too much unnecessary detail, as if op is primarily trying to convince herself.

If the babysitter confirms she wasn’t pid I’d be more prone to believe her than someone who was very drunk.

Do you want to keep the friendship and use the services of the babysitter again OP?
If so I'd cough up.

If she didn’t pay I doubt her friend would just not reply. They would have been back on message like “DD says you were a little drunk and she left without getting anything for the evening”

I’m highly doubting her friend left it alone without any payment made for her daughters services.

No text back?

@HugoSpritz £40 is a lot to a kid who was babysitting for a favour and didn't actually know how much she'd be paid

Have I missed how the babysitter got home? Dropped money in car or taxi is a possible answer.

@HugoSpritz I didn't misunderstand your post. What you're saying now is completely separate to the post I responded to previously.
The girl has £40 + avoiding an argument with her DM.

That's plenty of reason to lie.

Have you heard anything back from your friend, the babysitter's mum @richele4 ?

The babysitter has no reason to lie. If you were happy enough to leave your children to be looked after by her I think you should trust her enough to take her word on this considering you were very drunk.

Placemarking for update or deletion message or OP ghosting the thread!

She doesn’t have to return, it could be all sorted.

I'm appalled at the judging about the OP being drunk. It's very uncomfortable reading when you think about how women in rape cases are judged for drinking.

But anyway: YANBU and she's trying it on. You didn't just hand over the money; you remember the details of not having the right amount and the conversation about her taking the extra, which sounds like your recall was intact.

Don’t people normally pay babysitters before they leave for a night out? I was always paid before.

It’s more likely you was drunk and didint pay her, than her lying about it

I wouldn't be paying her again. Friend or no friend!

It is probably a misunderstanding between mother and daughter. I would give it no more thought until you hear back from the mother.

The arrangement is with the sitter. Call her and say your mum said I have not paid you but I thought I had. She may fess up and confirm the payment. Failing that, apologise and do a bank transfer. Paper trails in these matters are like insurance. Nothing beats peace of mind.

Final update:

I called past friends house, nobody in so I rang her.
"Just checking how everyone is and making sure your DD managed to find her money? I would hate for her to miss out on hard worked cash etc"
Her reply was very short,
"DD has it. Thanks for checking. See you on school run at some point."
Did I do something wrong? I knew I paid her and I was right? Confused. But friends DD 'found' her money. Unfortunately I'm worried this has ruined my friendship?
Thanks everyone for your advice!

Going to be honest;you said you gave her £40 as you had no change.Thats very specific.Im going to hazard a guess and say she was supposed to hand her babysitting money to mum for something and doesn't want too or has already spent it.She's pulling a fast one and trying to take advantage of your drunken state and the fact DH wasn't there in the room.Id question if I'd want someone who's that dishonest to be my sitting my kids.Time to find a new sitter and next time pay when you're both present if you've had a a lot of alcohol

It's hard to gauge tone by messages. She may not have meant to be as short as you find it. See how she is on the school run. But anyway, obviously you did nothing wrong, so there you go.

Maybe she saw this thread.