Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

I suspect she is both furious with her DD and embarrassed for having accused you of not giving her the money. Hopefully things will be fine the next time you see her.

Just saw your last update. Perhaps she never had money from you, but your friend thought it was easier to put it to bed and just say that she did. Perhaps that’s why she was a bit frosty with you as she thinks you’ve conned her daughter.

@Honestyisalwaysthebestpolicy read the updates

I earned about that much babysitting, but think I'd have been laughed at trying to pay tax and NI on earning £40 every 6 or so weeks as PP suggested! Most babysitters charge a lot more nowadays, £8+ an hour for someone with a DBS check.

Sounds like she got the wrong end of the stick with DD and is embarrassed or just doesn't care abt the situation anymore. Alls well than ends well, her DD has the money and you can stop double guessing yourself. I wouldn't blame the babysitter though by not asking her to sit for you again

Weird.

If she had decided to let it go, maybe she gave DD the money So she would get paid for the night and therefore dd has it?

Or, dd confessed and her mum is annoyed, but in those circumstances would she not apologise?

If the daughter lied, she will give you a fuller explanation when she has calmed down. If she paid the £40 herself she might resent you for a while.

Either way it will hopefully blow over.

Cross posted @Honestyisalwaysthebestpolicy but you determined to,blame OP, even though the mother said she had the money.......

There's a "story" about her DD's conduct that she's not ready to tell you or doesn't want to tell you by text. I'd imagine it's been a stressful weekend in that house.

I’m getting this vibe too. I think it would be really odd not to text you as soon as the money was found if there wasn’t some sort of accompanying drama around it’s whereabouts.

Prepare yourself that you may never get to know what actually went on if your friend is embarrassed about what actually happened (her dd lying or spending it on something completely in appropriate).

I’m not sure if I’d use her again though.

I hope you feel relieved OP, such a potentially unpleasant situation & while your friend could have had the grace & sense to call you as soon as she knew her DD did in fact have the cash, at least all 3 of you now know where the money is.

Don't waste ANY time worrying about your friend's terse tone on the phone. She may be embarrassed, she may be busy, she may be furious about whatever caused the miscommunication between her & her DD ... just reset, & next time you see her be your usual self & don't mention it unless she does.

I used to babysit in a regular basis for a friend of my mums. I was 15. One time Zi took my friend Ali g with me and the next day the woman asked my mum if the friend could be trusted as she’d left £10 on the side and it was gone. My mother assured her that my friend was honest and said that she would trust her totally and that was that.
About 3 weeks later the mother found the £10 in her 5yr olds room, he had taken it and all that time she was sure that it was my friend.

Don't worry about spoiling the friendship. She is probably very embarrassed to have accused you of not paying her DD. I suspect she's also given DD hell.

Give it a little time and continue to be friendly. Just don't ever use her DD as a babysitter again!

Did I do something wrong? I knew I paid her and I was right? Confused. But friends DD 'found' her money. Unfortunately I'm worried this has ruined my friendship

Nah, her DD has messed her around by claiming she couldn't pay her Mum back for something as she didn't have the cash, or claiming she needed money for going out or something, or else the DD just mislaid it in a teen type way, in a pocket or whatever. Or she misunderstood something her DD said and interfered too soon.

Either way, friend is embarrassed, not mad at you.

Teach her to helicopter parent. If my 16 yo Dc had babysat and not been paid I would coach them in how to politely enquire about it themselves.

I think you should have more drunken nights out, OP

Toomuchtrouble4me
You took Ali G to a babysitting job?

Just say "Phew, glad she's found it. She did a lovely job babysitting the kids. See you soon." Job done.

The non response says it all babysitter trying it on and the mother too embarrassed to say oh yes you did pay her. Throw ur thoughts into the f*it bucket and move on.

Some people really appear to struggle with reading comprehension @Changeembrace.

Perhaps she never had money from you, but your friend thought it was easier to put it to bed and just say that she did. Perhaps that’s why she was a bit frosty with you as she thinks you’ve conned her daughter.

Or perhaps her DD had the money after all and she's embarrassed 🙄

I don´t think your friend is angry with you or even that she meant the message to be short. She was maybe just busy at the time she wrote it? I reckon you have been caught in a situation between mother and daughter here. I don´t think anyone is annoyed with you at all.

Was just considering the pricing debate.
16 year olds have a price monopoly going here. Upu wont get a single one to babysit for less than £8/hr. An adult will charge at least £11 if they arent from an agency. I dread to think how much they cost if an agency sends one. Obviously you pay for them to get home if they havent driven to you as well.
It makes going out a virtually impossible affair.

@GlamGiraffe where are you getting your figures from?

From London maybe?

@Toomuchtrouble4me round here (commuter village on edge of London) everyone pays £5-6 per hr to teenage babysitters.

I usually pay £8 but my babysitter is 19 and makes them dinner if she gets here early.

£7 for a 16 YO who isn't doing bedtime seems very fair.

I think your friend is embarrassed OP. And I'm sorry you've had a whole thread making out that you imagined an entire event because you'd had a few drinks. On MN no one should drink alcohol from a year before conception until the youngest is at university

@GiveHerHellFromUs
North central london. Everything seems to cost more here.

Exactly @JasperHale
a cleaner is between 11 and 15 per hour as comparison

Would just like to clear something up: SHE told ME that she usually gets between £5/6 an hour. As I said I haven't had yo use a babysitter before that wasn't family so I didn't know the going rate.

I do think that anything more than £7 an hour for a teenager to watch Netflix for an evening is too much though... Perhaps if she was cooking dinner for them and/or putting them to bed then I would agree for more but she had to do nothing except watch TV and check that older DS had put himself to bed.

£7+ just seems like a lot to me.