Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

I think she's embarrassed about having asked for it. I would just let it all go now.

It sounds like her DD lied to her and your friend is really embarrassed that she accused you of not paying

I’d put money on it that the babysitter wasn’t paid

You were off your face so quite honestly - your perspective on the night means squat all.

And your DH... probably also very pissed, just less pissed than you

But the dh wasn’t drinking?

There's a "story" about her DD's conduct that she's not ready to tell you or doesn't want to tell you by text. I'd imagine it's been a stressful weekend in that house.

You've not done anything wrong. I wouldn't use her for babysitting again. Maybe your friend will enlighten you one day, but I suspect her DD lied about you not paying.

And I also like to have a drink when I visit friends. No judgement here.

I’d put money on it that the babysitter wasn’t paid

I'd put money on it that you've not read the whole thread including the OP's recent update.

"Her reply was very short,
"DD has it. "

Yeah. Short :ie embarrassed. She hadn't text to tell you it'd been found. Did she?

Yes of course she found it! I expect the mother is embarrassed about asking you for more money and hopefully not any reason to ruin a friendship, just don't mention it again.
Thanks for the update!

She's embarrassed, but that doesn't excuse her behaviour, she should have texted you and said it was a misunderstanding.

Clearly there has been some form of argument over the money at home. I'm assuming the mother wanted it for some reason so the daughter lied.

Could it be that the mum thinks £40 for 6 hours is pretty crap and was letting you know that you took advantage and underpaid her daughter. My DD was 16 three years ago and at that time she was earning £10 per hour babysitting for 2 neighbours in our street. We do live in North London and generally life is quite pricy here but an underpayment situation would explain the attitude of the mother.

@Changeembrace are you currently off your face pissed? You don't seem able to read a thread!

OP you got caught in a mother/daughter battle, glad it's sorted!

"Her reply was very short,
"DD has it. "

Yeah. Short :ie embarrassed.

Or she's decided not to argue over it because she has no proof and knows you won't back down.

Or she is annoyed with her DD who made her look a bit silly and was texting while still annoyed. It'll blow over!

Impossible to say without knowing what her texts are normally like but it's had to imagine a situation where the girl told the mum she had it and the mum then decided to try and con you into paying twice.

Most likely she's now embarrassed that the girl has put her in a difficult situation.

@Changeembrace

Hope you don't bet for a living.

Maybe she was brief on the phone because she was in the middle of something? She probably just assumed you'd pay by bank transfer as 'everyone does these days' and when she asked her DD discovered you paid by cash.

Yep, she is mortified, an apology would have been nice, YOU have nothing to reproach yourself for.

@Toomuchtrouble4me That's too bad. Her daughter shouldn't have taken the job if she didn't like the going rate. Plus approx £6+ an hour for a 16 year old leisurely looking after kids, having access to food/house facilities etc, with no childcare qualifications isn't a bad gig especially if it isn't London.

I doubt your theory is true, but even if it was, then the mother's text in no way addresses anything to do with underpayment and would be a wild skirting of the issue.

Biugger me £6p/hr for a school girl to babysit is tight?!

£10 an hour for a 16 year old for babysitting?!

Seriously?!

It sounds to me like she is chancing her luck, but as you admitted yourself that you were drunk you cannot be sure.

I would just accept that you have to pay her again and put it down to experience that in future you always pay her the next day by bank transfer when you are sober.

@Changeembrace - cringe.
It's a big fall from such a high horse.

OP I'm glad you have got to the bottom of it but I find your friend's interactions with you odd. The very least she could do is let you know her daughter had the money. Being embarrassed is no excuse to be so rude to you! I think maybe don't have her babysit again. At least you know you didn't imagine it all!

This happened to me when I was about 17. Parents came in plastered, held their taxi for me (them paying for a taxi home was part of the deal if after midnight.) She gave the driver money but didn’t give me any. I was too timid to say anything, just politely declined to work for them again. I suppose it’s possible she accidentally gave the driver all the money...

Phew! Everybody agrees babysitter got paid.
The last time I baby sat, I got £6, a can of Coke, a bag of crisps and when channel 4 went off I sat reading the only book in the room called 'Odd girl in', very erotic for it's time.