What would life we like without children?

[SummerRay1994]

Interested to know whether anyone on here has chosen to not have children and whether they’ve regretted it or not?

For background I’m nowhere near ready to have children (I’m 25 and partner is 27), we both have very demanding - but well paid - jobs, both working 50+ hours a week at the moment but we recently bought a nice “family” sized home close to good schools/community and it has always been our plan to have children when I’m between 30-35. However, as we get older and life gets more complicated with work, a house, pets, bills etc etc I’ve started to wonder more and more how we would cope with children and whether I even want to have any? Am I being unreasonable? Selfish?

I'm laughing so hard at some of these views of us poor parents and how 'awful' it all is. 😂 If you don't want children that's fine. My view of my life is that it is the most wonderful thing in the world. I was very happy before I had children but now I have had them that old life seems empty. My children bring me joy on a level I have never experienced.
*
Twinkletoes* I could cry for you. What a sad way to look at life. I can assure you, love for your children is as real as it gets.

I am an introvert and live in my own head a lot, my inner life is so full and interesting already, and there are so many things for my mind to process and explore, I don't see how I could make the most of it if I also had the distraction of children to look after.

@SummerRay94 I had my first at 32. I'm 34 now and she's nearly 18 months. I love her more than I ever thought possible, but I'm glad I waited until my early 30s to have her. I worked full time for 9 years in my chosen career (teacher) so felt I'd had a good amount of time dedicating myself to my job. I was also in a better position financially in my early 30s than in my 20s. I didn't meet DH til I was 28 anyway, but I'm glad now I didn't have kids in my twenties. I always thought I'd want to be a SAHM too, but that would be the hardest job in the world, so I work part time now, and it's a great balance. I take my hat off to SAHMs - I'd find it way too hard! Work for me is a break! For me, I just 'knew' when the time was right to have kids, but now I'm a mum I completely understand why people choose not to have them! It's HARD work, and while it's definitely the right choice for DH and I, I can absolutely see why it isn't for everyone.

Being a parent is bloody tough. But it's also a love like you've never had before and can't imagine until you do it. I was never maternal and people always said to me "you'll see when you have your own kids". And its true.
But what you've never had you'll never miss! If I decided not to have kids I don't think I'd be too regretful about it.

@Getitwright it has affected us. I think you need to be strong beforehand.

It's like having this additional 24/7 job on top of whatever you already do, so there's bickering about who does what. Sex life likely to be impacted as you normally have a small person in your bed, or if not too knackered to think about sex anyway!

Mine are still little though and things improving already, and at least you always have a shared interest to chat about!

@TwinkleFoes
You don’t actually seem like a very nice person, quite odd in your input on this thread.
Why on earth you’re on here

Oh and @TwinkleFoes, you seem like one of these people who has a lot to say about things you actually don't know much about. Loving someone - child, parent, friend, partner, pet etc isnt just due to a hormonal change. And trust me nobody does ecstasy to have better sex! 😆

@TwinkleFoes I'll tell you what in my child free days one thing I wouldn't be doing is going on Mumsnet, telling people how stupid they all are for having kids!!

I'd probably be taking ecstasy, not comparing it to parenthood. Btw they are not similar.

@Twinklefoes

If this love is so genetic and ingrained in us, why do some parents simply not love their children or cause them harm?

It seems very odd to have such knowledge of how loving your own child feels when you have never experienced it

Well you've obviously evolved beyond evolution @TwinkleFoes. Congratulations!

@TwinkleFoes
You can absolutely have wonderfully satisfying loved filled relationships without children. I don’t disagree this at all.
But the love you have for your child is different; the love for my child means I would die to save them without a seconds thought, I don’t know friends I would do that for.
You can absolutely justify your reasons for not having kids, but pretending to know what the love for your child is like when you don’t have any is just bizarre

I dont think people have to have children to be happy or I dont think it makes them selfish
But not everyone finds it hard work having children. I have 4 two teens and two younger and much prefer my life with them . Sleepless nights only lasted a couple of years, I didn't lose myself and I enjoy their company. I find the teen years harder alright and was a sahm for years which left me broke. I wasnt maternal before having them but when I did I felt much more content . I loved being a sahm but am restarting ny career from scratch which is interesting.
I would say it's a very individual decision . But there seem to be a consensus now that it's really difficult having kids, for some people it's now

@MGC31 my child and hopefully soon to be children have enriched my life far more than anything else could. Travel is wonderful and I've done plenty. But ultimately I always chose to return 'home' so travel was short lived. Friends and work and money and travel are all still there AND I have a child that gives me love, joy, pride, purpose every single day. Life can be incredible without children and I fully respect and understand anyone who chooses that. But do you truly see that I can have everything you have AND a child so I can have all the things that enrich you and more?

Yes you can have good relationships/ love etc. Without kids. But seeing as pretty much every parent will tell you the same thing, there's something in it. If you want to call it a trick, or like taking drugs, whatever. At the end of the day, the bond and love between mum and kid is a pretty special thing to experience that isn't really comparable to anything else.

@TwinkleFoes I kind of understand what you're saying but the way you're saying it is coming across very cold.

Parental love isn't a "trick" love. It's just a different kind of love than one that isn't naturally engrained in us. But that doesn't mean it isn't a love worth having, or means any less than a love that grows over time. It's sad to break it down to such black and white points. Whilst there are genetics at work that mean we are built to like our kids, there's also a hell of a lot of work to be done to love them unconditionally - like parents of adopted children, egg donors, step parents etc will tell you. Genetics play a part yes, but the "non-trick" love is still there too, the same as for any other person you love.