What would life we like without children?

[SummerRay1994]

Interested to know whether anyone on here has chosen to not have children and whether they’ve regretted it or not?

For background I’m nowhere near ready to have children (I’m 25 and partner is 27), we both have very demanding - but well paid - jobs, both working 50+ hours a week at the moment but we recently bought a nice “family” sized home close to good schools/community and it has always been our plan to have children when I’m between 30-35. However, as we get older and life gets more complicated with work, a house, pets, bills etc etc I’ve started to wonder more and more how we would cope with children and whether I even want to have any? Am I being unreasonable? Selfish?

And remember it might not be a 16/18/20 year ordeal if you don’t enjoy it. I know plenty 25-35 year olds still living off the bank of mum and dad and calling mummy daily to solve all their problems (including while they have children of their own). If you’re not 100% sure, don’t.

Married (since about the last ice age) 3 DCs who are now going their own way in life. No regrets. They have brought us joy, sorrow, laughter, tears. More than anything, so much laughter.

I feel for people who’ve had children and regret it, I have two little ones and although it’s a hard slog lost days, they have made our lives better. I’ve realised money isn’t everything (which was what I thought pre kids) and the simple things in life are definitely for me, walks, park trips etc. Not fancy holidays and flashy cars

For me, the urge to have children was completely overwhelming. From a rational perspective, it is a completely stupid thing to do. I imagine that for most people, like me, the urge to procreate is so incredibly strong that it overrides all rational consideration. From an evolutionary perspective this makes sense, as the human race would have died out a long time ago if everyone thought about procreating rationally - having a baby would not be the rational option!

All that said, I love DS more than words can express. I love being with him and really enjoy his company, even though he is only 16 months. He has brought immeasurable joy to our lives and I can't remember what life was like before he was here. Yes, it was bloody hard at the start (I hated it, and I was certainly not lovestruck from the start) and it is completely different to what I had imagined, but I love having a kid and watching him develop. It feels like a true privilege and I would do anything for him.

If you do not have the urge I'm referring to then don't feel like you ought to have kids. Like I said, it makes no sense rationally, the only reason to do it is because you want to. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to. Enjoy your life and lifestyle!

Just waiting for a parent to pop up to tell us that we childfree don’t know what love is, are unfulfilled, have a meaningless life blah blah. It won’t be long trust me. 😄

Definitely not selfish. We made an intelligent, well thought out shared decision not to have them. Consequently, we have had a very happy partnership, never been desperately short of cash, never had to dilute the love and attention we give each other, both achieved what we wanted within our careers. It was just not for us. It’s not a lack of caring, but I much prefer a dog/s to children. Unconditional love, a lot easier to train.

@Beansprout30
I, being childfree, also know that money isn’t everything. I am perfectly able to enjoy the simple things in life.......maybe even more so than having a child tagging along all the time. 🙄

I’d be interested to know...those who have children and are voicing their opinions about children making their lives better etc......if you REALLY thought about it could you not have enriched your lives without them?

Sorry that sent too soon!
I love hearing about happy child free people, it proves there's a choice and not something inflicted by circumstances or nature.
I love my children dearly but been a parent is taking a step into the unknown and while it's been rewarding for me I'll always always worry about my children, if they're all not happy and contented I will not be either.
I've been lucky, we've not faced any illness or additional needs, myself and dh are still together and in general life is good.
But for many people that's not the case and I sometimes look at their circumstances and think I wouldn't be able.

@ MGC31 I wasn’t saying that people without children think money is everything and don’t know how to enjoy the simpler things, if you read my post, I said this was me before kids, im not speaking for everyone else

Yes. I never wanted any children. I'm 52 now and it's absolutely one of my finer decisions. No regrets whatsoever.

@MGC31 I'm sure I could have enriched my life in other ways without having a child. It's a bit of a moot point though, as I very simply wanted children. It's a blessing that he has enriched my life the way he has, but that was not why I had him. And, having had him, I find it hard to imagine something or someone else that would have enriched my life in the same way. I am speaking for myself only. Other people feel differently of course, but I have never felt love like it. I think if you have a desire to have children, it is difficult to let go of that and still be completely happy and enriched. If you don't have that desire, then children aren't "necessary" to feel fulfilled I imagine. Disclaimer: this is just my thinking on the matter, it may or may not be influenced by the quantities of prosecco I've consumed 🙄

@Beansprout30
I did read your post. Whether you meant it or not, it came across like my post suggested.

@ MGC31 why would you feel like that if it clearly wasn’t said like that?

I agree with @fouroutoffour it was a overwhelming need to have children that I have not regretted one bit. It's been hard, but so much fun. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I also read your original post in that tone, beansprout. Thank you for your clarification.

Thank you everyone for your posts!! It’s really refreshing to hear from so many happy, childless couples :-) luckily decision time is still a long while away!

I loved my life pre children and I love my life post children. The two are very different though with positives and drawbacks to both!

Life was devoid of any real.meaning for me. Work and holidays and restaurants etc on my personally for me so far, but it was just such a shallow life just living for myself.

I was like this. Then I got a dog. Now I'm ridiculously happy and considering a second pup.

@Fouroutoffour
Thank-you for replying. This might be a weird question, and feel free not to answer it, but why did you want children?

Adding to that (again, feel free not to answer - am just genuinely curious), how did your child enrich your life in a way that anything else could not?

@MGC31

My life is more enriched since having DS. Revisiting places and seeing him enjoy them is wonderful.
Parenting is tough at times, but I don’t think it’s a ‘bad’ as some people make it out to be.
I think when you have a child you make either decision A or decision B
A) my life will now revolve around my child and I will fit my life around them
B) my child fits into my life and my routine

I took decision B. And it’s wonderful. My child has quite simple slotted into my life.

We’ve not missed a holiday. A date night. Dinner. Very very few things would have been different without kids

@squirrelblanket , there was no tone, as I explained, before I had children, all I wanted to do was earn £££ and buy nice things and for me personally, now I’ve had children I realise that those things weren’t actually making me happy

I'm in my mid sixties. I never wanted children, they just didn't figure in my life plan at all. I have never been attracted to babies, especially as my mother produced two more siblings when I was a teenager - that was enough to put me off for life. I worked for years and am happily retired and living with my h.
Friends my age with adult children and grandchildren seem to have a lot less free time and money for themselves, and for some, their large families cause as much anguish as they do pleasure. Having children is also no guarantee your old age will not be lonely either! Just because you are 'blood' doesn't mean you will automatically get on.
I also think this is no world to bring a child into at the moment, but that's a whole other discussion.

@Beansprout30
It wasn’t clear. That’s the point.

I'm a mum of 3 boys age 7, 5 and 1. I'm so happy with them. Yes it is hard at times but it's so rewarding too and it makes me feel complete. I think I'd feel empty without children.

I would go insane being a SAHM. It’s very clearly mind numbingly boring

It is. Really, it is. I know why men push childcare on to women. Because they know they lose a lot by being the primary care giver.