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Original poster

What would life we like without children?

362 replies

SummerRay1994 · 17/01/2020 21:27

Interested to know whether anyone on here has chosen to not have children and whether they’ve regretted it or not?

For background I’m nowhere near ready to have children (I’m 25 and partner is 27), we both have very demanding - but well paid - jobs, both working 50+ hours a week at the moment but we recently bought a nice “family” sized home close to good schools/community and it has always been our plan to have children when I’m between 30-35. However, as we get older and life gets more complicated with work, a house, pets, bills etc etc I’ve started to wonder more and more how we would cope with children and whether I even want to have any? Am I being unreasonable? Selfish?

OP posts:
EmpressLesbianInChair · 18/01/2020 14:14

You've experienced the "no children yet" life. You haven't experienced the "not going to have children" life

Or the “don’t want children” life, even.

beautifulstranger101 · 18/01/2020 14:14

You've experienced the "no children yet" life. You haven't experienced the "not going to have children" life

No, at one point I thought I wouldnt have them so thats not really the case....

Forgivenandsetfree · 18/01/2020 14:15

I recently had my DD, aged 1 1/2 now, by choice with DP of 10 years.
Believe me, if you're not 100% sure you want a child, don't do it out of some sort of guilt trip towards yourself!
It's hard work and even though I thought I was totally ready, I wasn't!
She's lovely, funny and beautiful, intelligent and daft, love her to bits, but definitely miss my freedom x

BadLad · 18/01/2020 14:17

No, at one point I thought I wouldnt have them so thats not really the case....

But obviously you were young enough for that not to have been final.

Depechetoi · 18/01/2020 14:19

I've experienced the "don't want children life" and I have a DD. People can change their minds

ArialAnna · 18/01/2020 14:29

I rather disagree with those saying that having children is more selfish than not having children. Yes, having children is more damaging for the environment, but from a social perspective, all you childless people do need some other people to have children, so that there are young people around to look after you in your old age. When you are old and need doctors, nurses, carers, those people will be other people's children. The lawyers, bankers, teachers etc whose taxes will fund your pension payments, the NHS, etc - they will be other people's children. So while people do have children for selfish reasons, they are also benefiting childless people, so a bit of graciousness and understanding towards parents wouldn't go amiss!

wendywoopywoo222 · 18/01/2020 14:31

I can't speak for anyone else but my life's pretty damn good without kids. Never wanted any and at 54 have no regrets of not having any however I will admit I do sometimes have a little envy of my friends having grandchildren.

Getitwright · 18/01/2020 14:44

I don’t think having children is selfish, I don’t think not having children is selfish. What I do hope is that both choices are made for the right reasons, that total commitment and understanding underpin the choice.
The choice and it’s long term implications can work both ways. Yes, youth will be required to fulfill all the careers and jobs that go into looking after society as a whole. But likewise, those that have children without thinking through the implications, commitment, economic impact of raising, one, two, etc..... children, might require state help, and that is just as much take as is caring for the elderly. No one can predict everything that is going to happen during their lives, but an wanted, poorly cared for child has to be one of the saddest things on Earth.

Sn0tnose · 18/01/2020 14:56

Ive experienced life before kids AND after and for me, after is way better. Ive been able to compare both sides.
If you dont have kids you cannot do that- thats not a "bash" btw, but just saying its easier to compare the two if you have experienced both.

Well yes, obviously. Nobody is disputing that. But equally, nobody is asking for a comparison of whether it’s better to be a parent or remain child free.

Getitwright · 18/01/2020 15:13

It’s not totally impossible to compare with or without. I have siblings with children and I know a lot about their lifestyles, as do they about ours. So neither is a complete unknown for me, other than the deep love for someone you made, and love. Likewise, siblings can’t understand our low stress levels and almost total freedom to do as we like. Both have their merits.

SerenDippitty · 18/01/2020 15:19

*Ive experienced life before kids AND after and for me, after is way better.
Ive been able to compare both sides.

If you dont have kids you cannot do that- thats not a "bash" btw, but just saying its easier to compare the two if you have experienced both.*

Life before kids and life without kids are two different things. You only know what life before kids was like.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 18/01/2020 15:41

Ive experienced life before kids AND after and for me, after is way better.
Ive been able to compare both sides*

Yes, indeed. For you. That's great. However for someone who didn't want them life wouldn't be better (childfree people do tend to think more carefully about the decision than people who go on to have children in my experience).

You also can't compare life without children in your 20's and early 30's with
Iife without children in your 40's and 50's. At nearly 50 I sure as hell am not out partying all night.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 18/01/2020 15:44

And sorry, but no I'm not going to prostrate myself in gratitude to parents for reproducing. Fucks sake.
Tell you what, shall I just stop paying tax into the system for schools, your maternity care, your children's healthcare etc etc etc.

MargotB7 · 18/01/2020 16:08

I cannot think of a single reason why having children is a good thing.

If anyone feels like this then obviously they have made the right decision not to have them. I have lots of friends who don't have them.

However, having a child was one of the best things in my life. They are very funny, loving and I also have step children who bring a lot into mine anf Husbands life. I have never regretted having a child and I haven't found it that hard.

I didn't have them young though so had plenty of time to decide.

MarshaBradyo · 18/01/2020 16:11

Everyone’s different but it’s better not to denigrate either having dc or not.

Luckystar777 · 18/01/2020 16:21

I'm 36. I have no siblings and growing up was incredibly lonely and sad. However, I always thought I never wanted children but I recently changed my mind. There is an empty feeling.. I don't know exactly how to describe it. Unfortunately I am struggling to find someone to have children with :(

I don't see how people can think that holidays, expensive cars, meals out etc somehow make up for having no kids. Material things have never ever given me happiness. I'd take happiness over money any day.

I know kids don't instantly make people happy but I find I really hate my life without them.

If you think you might feel the same, then don't leave it too late.

AlpacaGoodnight · 18/01/2020 16:28

I would find life very depressing without children but I have always wanted them for as long as I can remember

WobblyAllOver · 18/01/2020 16:30

I don't see how people can think that holidays, expensive cars, meals out etc somehow make up for having no kids. Material things have never ever given me happiness. I'd take happiness over money any day.

I think you are mistaken on the financial front. Not having children means I have more money to spend on the things that bring me emotional joy. If I had children my income would be compromised to provide for their emotional joy. It isn't about comparing a new car versus a child, it's about having the financial freedom to spend my disposable money on me and my DH.

Ultimately having a child would be awful for ME. So much that any accident would result in an abortion because it doesn't even come down to making the best of a bad situation for me as I know having a child is not something that could ever bring me joy.

williams345 · 18/01/2020 16:30

I can't be the only one who is bored senseless without my kids, I honestly wouldn't see the point to life if I didn't have kids x

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 18/01/2020 16:33

Why is there such animosity generated by this question. I don't understand (naively if you like) why people are genuinely unable to accept that we all have different points of view.

I am a mum and it's all I ever wanted to do. I love my DC and would protect them with my life without any thought. They have hugely enriched my life and my world simply gets more and more interesting/exciting/challenging (choose your word) as they grow. Equally I have a friend who never, ever wanted children and is happily pursuing a myriad of opportunities that, at the moment, are out of my reach because of DC. Do we argue about it? No, of course not. I never thought of myself as selfish that I wanted children; nor is she selfish that she concentrates on herself and doesn't have children.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 18/01/2020 16:33

I can't be the only one who is bored senseless without my kids, I honestly wouldn't see the point to life if I didn't have kids x

That must be really depressing for you though. Even when they’re at nursery / school? I can’t actually remember the last time I was bored senseless. There’s too much interesting stuff to be getting on with. Where do you think you’ll see the point to life when your ‘kids x’ grow up?

HavelockVetinari · 18/01/2020 16:40

Life is much better with DC for me, but I know it isn't for everyone.

However, I do know quite a few people who changed their mind about having kids in their late 30s and then found that it was too late Sad Obviously don't have them if you don't want them, but be aware that it's not a given that you'll be able to change your mind.

Costacoffeeplease · 18/01/2020 16:41

How can you be bored senseless without kids? Confused I don’t have enough time in the day to do what I want to do, and I’m retired so no kids, no work but lots of hobbies and interests

leftovercoffeecake · 18/01/2020 16:43

My biggest factor for being childfree is that I simply don't want children. This is something I have always known, just like how some people say they have always known they want children.

I have no maternal urge, never have. I don't get 'broody'. I don't want to go through pregnancy. I'm not interested in looking after a baby. Being a parent is just not appealing to me and to be honest, I think I would be a terrible one.

I'm not childfree because I would rather have more holidays and a nicer car etc, that's just a bonus.

Sn0tnose · 18/01/2020 16:48

I don't see how people can think that holidays, expensive cars, meals out etc somehow make up for having no kids. Material things have never ever given me happiness. I'd take happiness over money any day.

I’m really sorry that you’re missing having children and I hope it does happen for you, but are you fucking serious?