To think it’s normal for high earners to get home late/work long hours?

[NCDays]

SiL got a new job last year which was a significant step up from her previous role and she now earns enough to pay additional rate tax (so must be £150k +). The job is in London which is a 30-40 minute train journey away, plus a short tube journey to her office. Over the past year we’ve constantly been hearing about “poor SiL” / “life is unfair to SiL” from MiL and the rest of the family as SiL is not home most week days until 8pm and leaves for the day at 6am. It’s supposedly a 9-5 job, she’s only a year in to the role and is apparently already exhausted and drained from working longer than her contracted hours and struggling to cope with the constant train delays/cancellations on top of that, meaning she has no time for herself or her hobbies during the week. I should point out that SiL is 29 with no DC, so she’s certainly not coming towards the end of her career.

AIBU in thinking that this is all pretty standard stuff and par for the course for successful, high earning city worker?! The rest of the family seem to think I’m mad in thinking it’s to be expected.

Sounds normal to me

Yup par for the course I would say

It’s standard but still difficult And draining. There’s a reason lots of people pack those sorts of jobs in.

Definitely par for the course. High earner means longer hours, and an expectation that you're available outside office hours. What industry is she in, finance, a lawyer?

Sounds normal (if very very difficult to sustain) to me. Is SIL surprised by her hours?

Most job adverts make it clear when they aren't 9-5.

It is to be expected but you don’t become superhuman just because you earn a lot and 6am to 8pm out of the house is exhausting. I’m a nurse which is hugely stressful but I still feel sorry for my corporate lawyer brother who is worked to the bone!

@FirmlyRooted yes she works for a large financial firm

Dammit hit the wrong button! You are absolutely right - but at least it’s the rest of the family and not her who is complaining. The commute doesn’t sound too bad either - people living in London do worse

Dh got home at 10.15 last night, this isn't unusual so I'd say yes it's par for the course unfortunately.

I agree it’s to be expected but would still have sympathy for her. It’s like saying to a nurse, ‘well you knew it would be long hours and crap pay’.
She is allowed to feel exhausted.

Sounds normal to me. She can always ease back or amend her role if she has dc.

Yep, my brother has had a highly paid, demanding City job for most of his career and they definitely expect their pound of flesh. It’s tough but part of me thinks that is the choice you make - and he certainly wouldn’t complain.

It’s pretty normal for a lot of young professionals climbing the career ladder, not just the big earners.

My DH is a high earner working in finance. He leave for work around 6am and gets home at 7pm at the earliest. He is often away on biusiness too and he needs to be available to respond to incidents when not in work. It just how it is and he accepts it is the price he he pays earning a good salary. He is also exhausted during the week and can only go to the gym etc at the weekend.

Yes that sounds paar for the course in a lot of very highly paid jobs.

If she is unhappy what's to stop her looking for a 9-5 role on less money? She's stuck this out a year so it won't doom her career if she leaves.

As you're hearing this from a third party I'd take it with a massive pinch of salt though.

SIL might be absolutely thriving but not have the time for her mother that she used to. This may be no problem for SIL but a problem for her mother! SIL is probably quite happy but telling her mum she wishes she had more time to pop 'round but "damn shame, I'm worked to the bone, I just can't see you as much, no of course I'm not going swimming/ to the pub with Sarah/ to spin classes or book group or whatever in the week (because I know you'd see that as me choosing hobbies over seeing you)..."

I know my mother tells people absolute nonsense about what I think/ feel about things, because she hasn't asked me and genuinely believed that I must think/ feel whatever she wants me to think/ feel about a situation she knows only some factual information about.

They pay you that amount of money then they often feel like they own you, just the way it is. As her experience grows and she increases her skills she’ll have more bargaining power.
My DW earns that but has negotiated later starts and gets home 8ish on those days and WFH 2 days a week. She does often have work to do in the evenings too but at least gets to see kids in the morning on office days and gets home to see them before bed.
But I think you can have sympathy for someone anyway, if she’s knackered she’s knackered. It’s either worth the money, career boost or not and she’ll make changes.

It is to be expected and normal. That does not make it any less draining or tiring. She probably says this and MiL is probably concerned about her health. My DD works similar hours. I don’t say poor Bubbles DD to anyone but I do keep an eye on her because she works bloody hard. She travels around too and does lots of evening work to prep for the next day. She has to. I would always say how hard she works if asked but as a mum I do look out for her. As I do for other DD who does a different job!

Money doesn’t mean you are not exhausted and usually it means long hours. She’s obviously great at her job! She’s doing well.

I earn over 100k and only ever do my contracted hours. I also very rarely do anything work related in the evening eg check emails. One of the benefits of being a freelance contractor!

I used to do a 3-4 hour commute a day when ds was at his old school - so I was taking him there then going to work.

When I worked in the City I had a fairly senior job, good salary, benefits... but didn’t work crazy hours because the culture wasn’t quite the same back then. However, I still know people in similar companies and long hours seems to be more normal. Even in my current low level and low paid job long hours are ‘expected’.

Put it this way - if she doesn't want the job, there'll be 50 people that do want it.

Higher tax rate is incurred at just £50k - 40%. The next jump to 46% is £150k. I think.

But if you are earning £150k the long hours will come with the job.

Another who thinks - yes, this is normal for finance. But 14 hour days are exhausting.

Maybe she needs to make a move into London to cut down on her commute? Would improve her quality of life. Commuting that long is awful and draining, no matter what your working hours are.

you don't say if SiL is complaining? she has no DC so this is the time for her to put in the hours and the work and get into a good position so that if/when she does have DC she will have more flexibility if she wants it when she goes back.

It's perfectly normal (men do it too).

Of course if SiL is complaining - then she knows what to do...

All the money in the world doesn’t buy happiness. My ex is a high flying City worker. He ended up having a stress leave when he started at a new bank, went back to his old bank. As far as I know, he now works from home once a week and is generally in the office 8-5pm.

My DH is military on 60k. He does normal hours 8-4 ish and leaves at midday on Friday. But there have been times where he’s done 60 hour weeks if he’s been duty officer. And there’s always the chance he’ll be deployed!