To think it’s normal for high earners to get home late/work long hours?

[NCDays]

SiL got a new job last year which was a significant step up from her previous role and she now earns enough to pay additional rate tax (so must be £150k +). The job is in London which is a 30-40 minute train journey away, plus a short tube journey to her office. Over the past year we’ve constantly been hearing about “poor SiL” / “life is unfair to SiL” from MiL and the rest of the family as SiL is not home most week days until 8pm and leaves for the day at 6am. It’s supposedly a 9-5 job, she’s only a year in to the role and is apparently already exhausted and drained from working longer than her contracted hours and struggling to cope with the constant train delays/cancellations on top of that, meaning she has no time for herself or her hobbies during the week. I should point out that SiL is 29 with no DC, so she’s certainly not coming towards the end of her career.

AIBU in thinking that this is all pretty standard stuff and par for the course for successful, high earning city worker?! The rest of the family seem to think I’m mad in thinking it’s to be expected.

Lots of people work similar hours and earn a lot less for the privilege

I know people who don't even earn a quarter of that and work even longer hours that you are suggesting...

I'm sorry but I don't think I've ever come across a 'high earner' doing 9-5... you earn more you work harder/have a more demanding job I'm sorry! That's what they are paying you for

If someone is willing to pay £150k+ to do a job, you’ve got to consider what they’ll expect for that, and it’s almost always long hours and hard work.

This.

If your SIl is clever, she will be saving as much as possible and able to take a step back into a less pressured job in a few years.

But is SIL complaining about her hours, or just her family?

I'm an additional rate tax payer contracted to work 9.00 to 5.00. In reality I probably average 60 hours a week with 70/80 hours not being unusual. Exceptionally I've done up to 100 hours a week.
It is tough, but the way to cope is to use your money to make your life easier. Live closer to work, have a cleaner, outsource every possible job at home, generally throw money at problems.
My mantra is that I have plenty of money but not enough time so wherever I can buy myseld free time I do. As a result I don't think my life is actually any harder than someone working 9 to 5 that has to do all their own household management and has a longer commute.

The rest of the family seem to think I’m mad in thinking it’s to be expected

It’s definitely to be expected, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. She’s allowed to be tired.

@AlwaysCheddar I’m referring to additional rate tax, not higher. Additional rate kicks in at £150k plus.

I work in a hospital and most of the high earners have no clinical responsibility (or underlings to delegate down to) and leave on time or work from home. The middle grade staff on the other hand work their arses off.

this is all pretty standard stuff and par for the course for successful, high earning city worker

YANBU. Dh leaves at 7 in the morning for a 1.5 hr commute and will rarely return home much before 8pm and sometimes much later. Yesterday due to loads of meetings, he didn’t arrive back at his desk til gone 5pm so started his ton of work then, arriving home after 11.30pm!

Live closer to work, have a cleaner, outsource every possible job at home, generally throw money at problems

Yes, definitely-if you are remunerated appropriately. The people that end up working 60 hour plus weeks who don’t get paid enough to outsource jobs and throw money at problems are less fortunate.

The OP’s SIL does seem to earn a good wage, which will make the work more palatable.

My dm's similar. My siblings have jobs that are "higher rated" than me and she'll tell me how terribly hard they work and how they're so exhausted.
I do agree that their job should be more stressful than mine, and has more impact on people-but I'm actually working more hours (and I'm only part time) than they are for about 1/6 the pay. My choice totally, I agree, and I wouldn't want their job. But I do find it irritating to be told that dm has to go over and do everything for them on holiday because they need the break-especially when they have a SAHP at home and children at secondary...

Sadly it's expected which is why I've never had any ambitions to move up. Personally I'd rather earn less and have a short commute and regular hours.

It’s still crap though.

You’re a long time dead!

You're both right and wrong. It's not unusual in a well paid job, especially when building up a career in your twenties. But it is's very gruelling too so I'd still be sympathetic.

Fairly normal. Most people I know that earn that much work 6-10pm. Not great for a romantic life, not a family life but great for their bank account.

There’s a reason people are paid, what they’re paid.

The salary is a red herring here, people are allowed to whinge. If you don’t like, mute her

Sound normal.
Doesn't mean it's right though.
I don't know why they don't just hire more people.

Expected doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel sympathetic. Working long hours is tough regardless of your earnings.

Recognising that doesn’t negate the fact that some people are under paid significantly.

If we all had a bit of sympathy for each other then the world would be a better place.

Actually I disagree. Its normal because we make it so.

Dsis, director in bank. Works her hours. Her view is if you cant do that then the job is unrealistic and needs to be reviewed or you are inefficient. Dh pretty much has the same view.
I run my own company and work the hours that I want.
Countries with higher productivity than the UK tend to have the same mindset.

6am-8pm? Yikes. Sounds like great money but a pretty bad work life balance. How much that matters depends on how much she enjoys her job, I suppose. Personally, especially if talking long term, I’d rather do a standard 9-5 with minimal journey time for half the money.

8 til 6 for £150k is amazing. Many people work additional hours for nowhere near as much money!

The commute is irrelevant as you aren’t paid for that. Plenty of London workers commute from Brighton, Winchester...

It’s clearly very normal. However, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t totally shit, draining and depressing. I always think when governments try to increase tax on these “fortunate and rich” people, that actually, many of them would just quit in conjunction with a major lifestyle change/relocation. The money and status are the only rewards and those things alone absolutely cannot make a person happy and fulfilled. She is missing out on free time, hobbies and leisure and personal relationships. I wouldn’t want to do it. Your MIL probably sees this and I am not surprised she feels sorry for her. Just because people are high earners doesn’t mean they don’t face struggles and misery. It’s just a different type of struggle and one that can bring poor mental and physical health with it.

Her commute is less than an hour it seems, that’s fair. Her salary obviously puts her in the 5% of high earners, so yes this is par for the course fortunately... nothing unfortunate with earnings like hers.

The rest of the family seem to think I’m mad in thinking it’s to be expected.

They are in the wrong. If you are a high earner in Finance it is expected that you work long hours. Your SIL needs to get into a good weekday routine and keep up a good level of fitness and eat well.

I worked very similar hours with a 3.5 hour round trip commute for £30k in my mid twenties. It was fucking horrible, not least because most people in the office were on £70k up to £300k+. I was always exhausted and I left as soon as I found something closer to home. Will never work in London or in finance again.

I understand the tiredness, commuting is horrible and finance can be a very toxic culture ime, but £150k would have made it easier to tolerate for a while!