To think it’s normal for high earners to get home late/work long hours?

[NCDays]

SiL got a new job last year which was a significant step up from her previous role and she now earns enough to pay additional rate tax (so must be £150k +). The job is in London which is a 30-40 minute train journey away, plus a short tube journey to her office. Over the past year we’ve constantly been hearing about “poor SiL” / “life is unfair to SiL” from MiL and the rest of the family as SiL is not home most week days until 8pm and leaves for the day at 6am. It’s supposedly a 9-5 job, she’s only a year in to the role and is apparently already exhausted and drained from working longer than her contracted hours and struggling to cope with the constant train delays/cancellations on top of that, meaning she has no time for herself or her hobbies during the week. I should point out that SiL is 29 with no DC, so she’s certainly not coming towards the end of her career.

AIBU in thinking that this is all pretty standard stuff and par for the course for successful, high earning city worker?! The rest of the family seem to think I’m mad in thinking it’s to be expected.

Normal for both high and low earners in our current culture, I'd say!

You can't complain if it's a £150+k job!!

Yes it's normal, but of course it has an adverse impact on other family members too. Money isn't everything.

It's why a lot of people only do these roles for a short time and then move to other roles where they have more regular hours. It's usually a trade-off between money and time.

If she's paying 40% tax she might actually be earning 50k , with the long hours and commute it might not be that great a deal and that's why your MIL is concerned.

Normal to expect this, but also normal that she would be exhausted by it. All sounds pretty standard.

**if it is 150k then I think at that pay the company wants their pound of flesh

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor additional rate is different to higher rate.

A subset of MN posters are obsessed with tax bands, it always makes me want to post about the 60% tax I paid on the whole of December's salary despite being on a fairly average salary (not in the UK)...

I’m with you on this. If someone is willing to pay £150k+ to do a job, you’ve got to consider what they’ll expect for that, and it’s almost always long hours and hard work. To be honest, I think your SIL is being quite precious. Friends of mine, and my DH, all work in big city jobs and are out of the house from 6am through to... well, whenever the hell they get home. Could be 8pm (that would be quite reasonable/early), could be 11pm, could be 2am, and it pretty frequently is. All nighters are not uncommon. DH once went into work on a Monday and came home on a Friday. That was very unusual, but not unheard of. It’s exhausting, yes, but it pays well, and so ultimately it’s a lifestyle / personal choice and you have to consider it in the round and decide how you want to structure your life. If you don’t want to work those hours, don’t, but accept it’ll involve a job move and (probably) a pay cut. If you don’t want to compromise on pay, then stick out the job, but do so relatively uncomplainingly. I’m not saying it’s not ok to mention that you’ve been working hard and you’re tired, fair enough, but to constantly moan (as you imply your SIL is doing) about a lifestyle choice of your own making which you could extricate yourself from if you’re unhappy with it - and a privileged position no less - wouldn’t hold much truck with me.

I think it is normal, but tiring nevertheless. DH works about 65-70 hours per week, but has a driver so at least his commuting time is productive -he can made phone calls or have a snooze.

Normal - as well is her exhaustion. They don’t call it burn out for nothing (said by me a former corporate slave).

Very normal for that salary level. DH is 49 and still doing those hours. He finds it harder now than he did when he was younger. We accept as a family that we won't see him during the week but the financial upside is amazing.

Your SIL needs to remember though that many people on much lower incomes are doing similar hours. I worked for the same company my husband did before we had kids and my hours were the same and sometimes longer than his but I earned half what he did at the time!

Ha, 8pm would be considered early for most highly earning professionals in finance! She should think herself lucky!!

Not always par for the course and it's more draining than you think. I have a job in the City where I work 10-14 days every single day. It's miserable. You have no downtime. None. You work, you eat at your desk, you get on the train and go to sleep. Any socializing can only happen on saturday night so you lose friends over time. Your health goes down the toilet. My colleague's dad had a heart attack and our boss was very unhappy about him going to visit him in the hospital. The lack of humanity is appalling. Everyone is either 25-35 or over 50. And almost entirely men. Women get fired when they get pregnant. It's awful and I'm getting out and actively searching for a job. But I had no idea how hard it would be before I started. I thought like you. It's easy to say suck it up from the outside. Oh and some of our junior staff is working these hours making 50k/year. Not exactly big money given the commitment and the extensive investment in education they had to make to get here

You can't complain if it's a £150+k job!!

Why not? It is this culture of presenteeism and long hours in the office that leads to facilitated males being the high earners.

Tbh it's absolutely ridiculous, we are all more efficient at our jobs when we are well rested and fresh. If I'd been in the office from 7 I'm pretty much useless from 4pm onwards but they keep cracking on anyway.

This attitude of above a certain pay bracket people should be robots with no lives is .

I think yabu op, SIL may well be seriously struggling and MIL is quite possibly worried about her health. One of my uni friends had a serious mental health breakdown working in a city law firm, no amount of money is worth that.

Yes - part of the course. I am one of those people and sometimes I work at the weekend and late evenings/early mornings.

Comes with the territory.

She has two choices - put the hours in now and reap the financial rewards, or find another job.

Either way life is not being "unfair" to her because she has freedom of choice. The downside to a good salary tends to be longer hours and more accountability.

I should say though that I do try to manage it by working from home 1-2 days a week and prioritising

I worked similar hours and commute in my twenties for a fraction of that money (under £30k, public sector) and couldn’t maintain it. Was unwell physically and mentally. Reduced my hours and have almost always had OK work / life balance since.

DH did the same hours but could handle it well.

The women I know doing similar all had to stop work or get much lower paid jobs after DC: these sectors don’t retain mothers.

If she’s on £150K have limited sympathy though, she has choices. As did I!

The men almost always prioritise work.

I'd say it's normal trying to get up to a job on £150k but once you're there then you should be able to take a step back because you should be managing a team by then and if you're good at that you shouldn't need to be on top of them every hour of the day.

8pm would be considered early for most highly earning professionals in finance! She should think herself lucky!!

This is crap

Of course it’s perfectly normal and people have choices. On the whole, if you want lots of money you earn it in some way. Obviously, a few are set up through inheritance or lucky breaks into exceedingly lucrative roles but usually it’s earned from a young age and continuing hard work until you reach a certain point where you are paid to take responsibility or make decisions rather than to put in the hours.
Plenty of people on lower salaries put in long hours to reach the higher paid posts.
If you don’t like it, leaving is always an option.

Those working hours are certainly par for the course I would agree. However just because it’s expected in that role doesn’t mean it’s not exhausting and draining.

but to constantly moan (as you imply your SIL is doing) about a lifestyle choice of your own making which you could extricate yourself from if you’re unhappy with it

Would you also say that to nurses and teachers who complain plenty but knew full well the job requirements and hours before they started? The number of teachers who complain about their working hours outside their contracted hours is staggering. But you could also say that it is common practice for the job role. Are they allowed to complain though because they don’t pay higher tax rates in most cases?

It's a choice, isn't it? My DH has a senior IT role at a London university. He earns probably about half what he could in the City but he leaves the house at 8am and is home by 6.15pm every day because we made a choice based upon the fact we'd prefer extra time together than extra money.

I'm not a high earner. £30-35k - but those hours sound normal even for my level of wage. Anyone I know on a close wage will also work similar hours. Im also exhausted but I dont complain to my family about it as im sure we're all pretty much in the same boat. Life

She may be suffering from SAD too (seasonal affective disorder). I worked those hours and got particularly run down in winter because it was dark when I left home, dark when I returned and worked in an office with no windows. Lunch was a quick sandwich at my desk or I went to the gym in the basement. It's really important to get outside for a walk at lunchtime. I realised that too late.