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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
whateverhappenstheremore · 16/01/2020 21:30

Ha I actually said to DD1 who is fifteen - thank goodness in a couple of years you won't want to come on holiday and I will save a lot of money. She said no chance I'm still coming - kids will go away for as long as parents keep paying imho!

HollowTalk · 16/01/2020 21:31

You should have said, "Oh god, Friend, you shouldn't say things like that. It makes you sound a real twat."

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 16/01/2020 21:32

I didn't have a holiday abroad untill I was 18 and that was with my parents and we had a brilliant time. I'm mid 30s now with my own DD and my mum always comes away with me so no she's not too old.

MadeForThis · 16/01/2020 21:34

Says more about her relationship with her kids/parents than you.

Tinkly laugh time.

JumpingOnTheBed · 16/01/2020 21:43

In had the best driving holiday to France and Spain with my parents when I was teen! It will be amazing, don't let it get to you!

BrightYellowDaffodil · 16/01/2020 21:43

At that age I went abroad with my parents and had a great time. Yes, a few years later I was wanting to go places alone but I still had holidays as a family which I really appreciated.

Your friend is a twat.

tinkerbellla · 16/01/2020 21:44

I know lots of people in their 20's who still go away with parents every year and love it! Just ignore, she wouldn't have meant to offend you if she's your friend and is otherwise a good person. You'll have a brill time so just focus on that and forget her comment Smile.

katy1213 · 16/01/2020 21:47

It was thoughtless, not malicious. You'll have a great time and now they're old enough to appreciate it.

wishihadagoodone · 16/01/2020 21:51

Fuck her OP.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Best holiday I ever had with family was when I was 16, turning 17. I was allowed to do my own thing around the hotel with my sisters (within reason!) No more awkward kids clubs or forced "fun" activities.
My parents were relaxed because we weren't exactly "kiddies" anymore and they didn't have to keep an eye on us constantly in case we wandered off or fell into the pool. They even let me have a few beers in the evenings....
I had to put on an Oscar winning performance that it was my first time tasting alcohol though🤣

You and your family will have a brilliant time. Sicken the shit out of your "friend" with loads of photos of you all enjoying your holiday!!!

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 16/01/2020 21:51

France is beautiful. There’s cheese and wine and bread so what else do you need? Not every teenager wants to go to Magaluf.

Is your friend jealous of your family?

Marleyj8 · 16/01/2020 21:53

Very thoughtless of your friend. Just ignore. I don't think she meant to cause offence, just a throwaway remark with no tact. It sounds like a lovely holiday, have a great time

Rastamousehat · 16/01/2020 21:54

I can see why you feel upset by it but I think it's probably just an insensitive comment. For a lot of people maybe they have been on lots of holidays with their parents and start to want to do something different or be more independent at that age, maybe the friend is just being a bit thoughtless and not realising how nice it is for you to all finally have a proper holiday together.(There is no right or wrong way to do it)
I live in a naice town but our disposable income is very much lower than the norm here. Friends have made comments to me about holidays that are way beyond our budget being stressful with jet lag etc and sometimes I have to bite my tongue, but i really dont think they mean anything nasty by it.
A really good friend of mine was talking about new year. I said we had a quiet one and didnt do v much and she said oh the opposite to us, we had a party with other friends and were up til all hours. I felt it was a bit insensitive but she probably didnt mean anything by it.

Newmumatlast · 16/01/2020 21:57

I'm going away with my parents this year and I'm in my 30s. It depends on the relationship you have with your parents as to if you would want to go away with them. FWIW I also went away with them when I was 16, 17 and 18 when I lived with them

LellyMcKelly · 16/01/2020 21:58

Don’t let your friend take the shine off your holiday. Your kids are clearly excited and involved and looking forward to it. There’s no way I’d let a 17yo go to Magaluf with their mates. Your DD has plenty of time for that. This will be their first time abroad and they will treasure it. Your friend said a dumb thing. We don’t always say the right thing. If she’s otherwise ok I’d let it pass.

saraclara · 16/01/2020 22:01

she was trying to be cool and down with da kidz in front of your daughter

Yep.

whiteroseredrose · 16/01/2020 22:02

Feel sorry for her. Her DC don't want to go away with her. Yours do want to go away with you.

Our DC are coming with us again this Easter (20 and 16) and have both said that they will for the foreseeable future. We get on really well as a family and have a great time. DS had to miss last summer (placement) and was gutted.

Plus both of mine would much prefer France to Magaluf any day!

Yellowcakestand · 16/01/2020 22:02

I'm 37 and still go away with my parents once a year. Always have done and always will!

Ahhashaker · 16/01/2020 22:02

My mum took me to France when I was a similar age to your DD, we had never been away together and I loved every second. We didn’t have much growing up so at that age I could understand what it meant to her to be able to take us away for the first time.

I loved every minute, we held hands as the plane left and we held hands when it landed.

It is one of my most happiest moments with my mum, so pay no attention to your friend. You and your family will have an amazing holiday together.

PooWillyBumBum · 16/01/2020 22:04

I know not the point of the thread but I’m so excited on your behalf! It’s going to be bloody fabulous!

user1493494961 · 16/01/2020 22:09

I think your 'friend' is jealous. I hope you all have a wonderful time.

Whatsername177 · 16/01/2020 22:13

Your op just described my childhood. I never, ever felt like I'd missed out. My parents are amazing people who gave me everything I needed. I loved the family holidays in grimy caravan parks. I went on holiday with my parents (to uk caravan parks!) Until was 23 and moved out. In fact, I went away with them last year too, along with my brother, dds and dhs.

RippleEffects · 16/01/2020 22:15

Someone (tacktless Aunt) said similar to me at 17, Dsis was 19. I was really upset and asked my dad if I was immature to be happy going on family holiday.

Dsis and I are now 40's and we're yet to stop family holidays. Not always annual, but throughout our adulthood we've had family, then with spouses now three generational breaks. I love my family. Through wealthy and poor phases we've enjoyed time together.

incognitomum · 16/01/2020 22:17

I went to the isle of wight last year with ds2 and he was 18. He loved it. Got on great with all the older generation Smile

Maybe have a word with your friend and explain how it's made dd feel? She may not have realised and was joking albeit insensitively?

MargotB7 · 16/01/2020 22:21

I would have to tell my friend that it pissed me off. As a friend you should know enough about each others lives and know what is important to them.

BillHadersNewWife · 16/01/2020 22:24

I was still holidaying with my Mum and Dad at 23! They liked me going and I liked it too!