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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/01/2020 22:25

Does your friend have kids? I'm assuming she's a poor relationship with them?

We took our daughter abroad at 20. She's now 22. I am taking her for a long girly spa weekend in March (UK's) just us two, and we will likely go abroad the three of us in the summer.

We still share a bedroom when we go away , either a family room, or a twin when it's just me and her, and a couple of months ago I went up to see her (she lives about three hours drive from me) and I booked a hotel, she stayed with me in the hotel as a treat, and when booking it I was looking for a twin room and she said " we can share a double".shrugging.

Oh and she's a trainee lawyer with a first class law degree, so not some clingy kid who isn't independent.

Something is wrong if your kid says no thanks to a free holiday just because they are 17 or an adult. If they can't make it fair enough, but if you've a good relationship I can't see why not.

MistyCloud · 16/01/2020 22:26

@chanellle Your 'friend' sounds like a jealous bitch, who is sore and bitter that you have a great relationship with your child(ren.)

Why the fuck would a 17 year old be going to bastard Magaluf anyway? I would NEVER have allowed my DC to go there at 17. They're still a child at that age FGS.

Ignore her. Your family sounds lovely by the way, and you AND your children are blessed. (Sorry to sound twee and cheesy, but it's true!) Smile

Aragog · 16/01/2020 22:29

Lots of teens still love holidays with the parents and that is fab! I love that 17y dd loves our family holidays. She's very fortunate as she has holidays annually - even with it not being a novelty as such she still adores coming away with us. She'll be 18 shortly but is still helping us to plan the summer holiday.

Maybe your friend has a dc who doesn't want to spend time with them and is jealous perhaps.

neverornow · 16/01/2020 22:30

She sounds a tad jealous. Make sure you send her a postcard

Hope you have a lovely holiday Smile

Pjsandbaileys · 16/01/2020 22:30

My eldest daughter is that age and is bursting with excitement about this years holiday! We are going along with her 15 &13 yr old siblings, my parents and SN sister. This holiday is a very nice one as there is a lot of big birthdays this year but she shows the same enthusiasm if it's an air b&b staycation. She values her time with her family and I'm a fairly relaxed parent so fun is allowed. She often jokes she'd be mad to turn down any "free" holiday (in the nicest possible way not spoiled brat) and probably will be going well into her twenties 😂😂

ThatWasThat · 16/01/2020 22:31

I'm guessing your friend was trying to make a joke and it fell flat.

I thought my son coming away with us when he was 16 was the last time (and I made a bit of an effort) but he's still dropping by to join us for a bit in his 30s (maybe I did something right). Forget her foot-in-mouth moment, just enjoy yourselves. I'm wishing you a really great holiday!

Aragog · 16/01/2020 22:31

Have a fantastic holiday with your dc. Enjoy it all and ignore the friends comments.

Wobbel · 16/01/2020 22:32

Ignore your friend and have a fantastic time. I bet your children are so excited!

And how lovely that your children are looking forward to it. Shame your friend doesn’t have the kind of relationship with her children where they would!

Oly4 · 16/01/2020 22:36

You’re overthinking it, she was just being stupid. Look forward to your wonderful holiday and tell your DD you can’t wait to spend this special time with her

Pjsandbaileys · 16/01/2020 22:37

Btw your holiday sounds fantastic and is what I'm thinking for 2021! I can almost guarantee my eldest will be there my parents won't be this is definitely a one off this year I'm happy to with basic good value accomodation baguettes and cheese on the beach, they most definitely are not 😂

kateandme · 16/01/2020 22:39

still love going away with family.all of us are over 30 and still do!they have and will always be some of the best,nicest times of my life.

Naijamama · 16/01/2020 22:44

Off for a weekend away with my Mum next week. I'm 34, she's one of my best friends. Your friend is a twat!

kateandme · 16/01/2020 22:44

and give me france over mag. at any age!no offense to those that love those holiday i cant think of anything worse.

kateandme · 16/01/2020 22:45

Naijamama me too

Notcontent · 16/01/2020 22:48

I know lots of families with older teens and older kids at uni who all go on family holidays.

Durgasarrow · 16/01/2020 22:52

It will be amazing, and it sounds as if you and your daughter have a loving relationship.

Mlou32 · 16/01/2020 22:53

I know loads of teenagers and people in their 20s that still go on holidays with parents. I'm in my 30s and still do!

Your friend just sounds a bit of a twat tbh.

You've sound like you've done a great job bringing up the kids and they sound like they are really excited to be going on holiday with you and spending time as a family. Ignore your rude insensitive friend. It maybe says more about her relationship with her kids than anything else.

SmallChickBilly · 16/01/2020 22:54

I agree with PPs that your friend was probably trying to sound 'cool' and it missed the mark. If she's not normally a massive bellend, I'd assume that she misjudged how her remark would land and would probably be horrified to know that either you or your daughter were stewing over it. (I know this because I have a tendency towards putting my foot in it completely inadvertently and then wanting the ground to swallow me up when I realise what I've implied!).

Unless she's ever given you cause to believe she really is mean-spirited, I would give her the benefit of the doubt this once.

m0therofdragons · 16/01/2020 22:55

I'd think it sad that "friend" doesn't have the relationship you have with your 17yo. You have a great holiday! Next door from me just returned from holiday with their 17 and 22 year olds. Sounds like they had a great time.

zeddybrek · 16/01/2020 22:58

Your friend is a twat.

If she was a good friend she would know how much this means to you. I am almost 40 and regularly go on holiday with my mum.

You should be proud you have a close family who are looking forward to spending quality time together. Enjoy this very special holiday. And ignore your idiot friend.

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 16/01/2020 22:59

Our adult children love to come on holiday with us. Last year we treated them to 2 weeks in Cyprus, both late 20s /early 30s. They pay high rental and other housing costs so realistically can not afford holidays abroad.

We all had a great time. The kids met other young people in the hotel and did their own thing when they wanted to in the evenings. Sometimes we all played card games and scrabble as we did many years ago. We all went to the beach during the day, played ball games in the water, it was great.

They keep hinting at another holiday this year, including partners. We would but not sure if we can really afford to make this an annual tradition. If we won the lottery it definitely would be.

blubelle7 · 16/01/2020 23:05

I'm 30, my siblings are 22 and 34 and we love our family holidays and being away with our parents. Look forward to them all year round

BettyAll1 · 16/01/2020 23:06

It sounds like she’s accidentally said something insensitive (in an attempt to relate to your teenager). We all say insensitive things sometimes, don’t loose a friendship over it. If she wanted to be snide she would have said something to you directly. Enjoy your holiday, my parents only started going abroad when I went to uni and I joined in then and loved it. AND the caravan and hostel holidays we went on when I was a child I absolutely loved!!

WarrenNicole · 16/01/2020 23:09

Jesus Christ.

I don’t think your friend is jealous, nasty, has a bad relationship with her own children or is anything else that she has been called on this thread. She was obviously only trying to relate to your daughter by making a joke. It is such a common comment to make to teenagers. This thread is one big massive overreaction!

Whilst it has been said repeatedly that 17 year olds do enjoy holidaying with their parents, others do not wish to. And that doesn’t make them wrong or indicate that they have a bad relationship with their parents! Everyone is different!

“I am X years old and I still holiday with my parents!” doesn’t make it the norm! Many people do not holiday with their parents as adults! And that is okay too.

Seems like it’s not just the OP who is a tad over-sensitive.

Creepster · 16/01/2020 23:14

People think their own dysfunctions are the norm when they say things like that.
People who like one another enjoy going places together.
It is unfortunate that your friend didn't like her parents or that her children don't care to do things with her, whichever the case may be.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
In similar circumstances to you I took my 84 year old mother, as well as 17 and 8 year old grandchildren to Hawaii. It was splendid in every way.