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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
angeltop · 18/01/2020 23:44

Both my children are grown up with grown up children of their own. Slightest whiff of ‘free holiday’ with mum/dad, nana/ grandad and they are there.

ferntwist · 18/01/2020 23:59

My siblings and I had great holidays with DM until we were in our 30s. Wonderful memories.

sunnybean60 · 19/01/2020 07:43

I agree with you. The remarks did not come from a nice place. I think this friend is jealous, now that your financial circumstances are improving and you clearly have grounded teenage children who will really appreciate their first holiday abroad as a family. Your teens have many years in the future to have holidays with friends. My kids are in their 30's and in their late teens and early 20's they did have separate but as they got older they have all enjoyed returning to family holidays with us once again (later with their families in tow). It would be lovely in the future if you can still manage little mini trips with your kids even when they are grown up, trips away help bond family ties. This is going to be an exciting adventure for you all, enjoy!

Juliette20 · 19/01/2020 07:54

I remember being puzzled as to why teenagers didn't want to go on holidays with parents when it was suggested to me at 17/18 that I might not want to go away with DPs. But it's a holiday? Why would I want to miss out on a holiday being paid for by someone else? I started to go away with friends separately but also go away with parents. I'm 44 now and this year am going away with my mum, also with DH and DCs, and also with friends.

sunnybean60 · 19/01/2020 07:56

p.s. I would expect snide remarks on return from hols, so revalue this friendship and the time you want to invest in it. Friends should be pleased for you when things are good in your life and make you feel happy not vexed. Maybe as other's said it was an off the cuff remark and thoughtless as worst. Personally I think she envious. My kids went on holidays with friends when they over 18 but at 17 I would of said no you can wait another year (and probably did).

Highonpotandused · 19/01/2020 08:12

Did OP return?

anxyinmypantsy · 19/01/2020 14:54

I am 26 years old and I absolutely love going on holiday with my parents!
So nice to spend time with your family

MuseumOfYou · 19/01/2020 15:27

I really think when people make those sort of uncalled for an unkind comments, they are projecting in some way. It really isn't about you - it's about some issue or unhappiness within themselves. A happy person doesn't feel the need to make spiteful comments to bring other people down.

Enjoy your lovely holiday and feel sorry for her.

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