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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 16/01/2020 20:16

Don’t give it too much head space. Enjoy your well-earned holiday. Don’t forget that road tolls are extortionate in France - price then up ahead of time or plan toll-free routes.

Chocolateandamaretto · 16/01/2020 20:17

I’m 30 and I went on holiday with my parents last summer! Your friend is a dick, and I’d say as much to dd!

thehorseandhisboy · 16/01/2020 20:18

Does your 'friend' have children who either don't want to go on holiday with her by any chance?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/01/2020 20:20

Well I feel sorry for her that her kids don't want to be around her!

I adored my family holidays, went with my parents til I was 24 and my df died, then with my mum for the next five years til she remarried! I've been away with the girls etc too but family holidays are just fabulous.

CambsAlways · 16/01/2020 20:20

You enjoy your holiday hope you have a great time, your friend is an idiot

palomapear · 16/01/2020 20:21

My teenagers, one who will be 20 soon, come away with us. They'd love your holiday too.

I hope you have the most amazing time!

managedmis · 16/01/2020 20:21

Sounds like she was trying to connect with your DD? But it was a kind of foot in mouth comment?

Babymamaroon · 16/01/2020 20:21

I always went on holiday with my parents and loved it! Still do.

I think your friend either didn't think or may be a bit jealous.

I think it's just wonderful that you have planned this trip. Your children are clearly loved and you mustn't beat yourself up about the past.

Furrydogmum · 16/01/2020 20:22

Your friend was really tactless if not mean! My two will be 18 and 22 this summer when we go away as a family and the older ones girlfriend is coming too - all really looking forward to it! I cherish these times as they are both very independent and enjoy a varied social life - they may go away with their friends at some point too this year but the family holiday is something they still want to do.
Try not to dwell on what your friend said and be glad your kids like you enough to go away with you 😁

Jayaywhynot · 16/01/2020 20:23

My DD is 31 and we have been on several holidays, we are going away this year too, me, oh, dd and her oh. Well have a blast, never too old Smile

midnightmisssuki · 16/01/2020 20:25

Maybe your friends children wont go away with them as they are horrible people so she striving to make you feel bad too. Horrible woman!

Gammeldragz · 16/01/2020 20:26

YANBU. My parents didn't take me on either family holiday with my younger siblings at around that age as they assumed I wouldn't want to go (I'd moved out, to be fair) and I'm still sore about it 17 years later! We'd never had holidays when I was younger and I was really upset that I missed out!

Cam77 · 16/01/2020 20:26

Your holiday sounds great. Hopefully you will all stay close as a family as your kids get older. Perhaps your friend wasn't close to her parents in her teens (or even now?). Its a pretty tactless comment however you look at it though. I guess if it was just a one off and she's usually sound I'd just let it go though.

Itsmybirthday19 · 16/01/2020 20:26

In fairness, she wasn't being snide about the holiday.

I think this was a very clumsy attempt to 'relate' to your 17yo. Plenty of kids that age wouldn't be mad on the idea of a week away with their parents. Luckily, yours is, so as a PP said, you're doing something very right!

Don't give it a second thought and get back to planning that holiday 😊

Whynosnowyet · 16/01/2020 20:27

My dd is 30 and still comes with us once a year camping!! Your friend is envious op.

EustaciaPieface · 16/01/2020 20:27

Sounds like she was trying to be ‘cool’ in front of your daughter. Your holiday sounds amazing, just ignore her.

BonnesVacances · 16/01/2020 20:27

Tbh that says more about her relationship with her DC than anything. She's probably jealous.

HolaVida · 16/01/2020 20:28

I’m so chuffed for you that you’re able to go away. You sound like a lovely mum.
Friend might’ve just casually been being a twat, not realising what a big deal it was.

By the way, I think a fair amount of the joy of holidays is in the anticipation - it’s so special to have something to look forward to together (we’ve only been abroad once)

thesunhasgothishatontoday · 16/01/2020 20:29

Your "friend" is not your friend! She's a twat too!
We did family holiday to Florida year before last with 2 18 year olds and Tenerife last year with 2 19 year olds. They have already said they want to come to Goa with us this summer. That's with younger siblings in tow too

FlamingoQueen · 16/01/2020 20:29

I would feel sorry for your friend’s dc with a Mum like that! I think it’s lovely that you are all going away and hope you have a fabulous time.

JKScot4 · 16/01/2020 20:31

Your so called friend probably thought she was being funny, just forget it. You’ll love France, we’re off to Provence in July. I often go on holiday with my DDs 14,21 no DP, DD21 asks to come, especially now she’s away at uni, we love our time together.
Maybe her DC find her boring 😉

Xyzzzzz · 16/01/2020 20:32

Honestly, it sounds like it was a throwaway comment, I don’t there was any malice intended.

Sparklybanana · 16/01/2020 20:32

You are being over sensitive. I’d probably think/say the same as your friend as I grew up going on holidays with my parents and I remember my dB desperate not to go away with them as a 17 year old so he could go to Ibiza with his mates (empathy with the teen?). I would be mortified if I’d said that and made you feel like that though as from MY perspective I enjoyed going on holidays with my parents for much longer and it’s still something I do now as a 40 yr old! It’s a lovely thing to plan a holiday together even if you do it every year but extra special given your lack of previous holidays. Put the comment to one side - she’s unknowingly viewing from the wrong perspective and enjoy your holiday. Your dd shouldn’t feel like she’s too old but instead feel happy that she’s got such a great relationship with you. May this be the first of many.

Yarboosucks · 16/01/2020 20:33

I think your friend made what she thought was going to be a humorous comment and that you and your DD are reading WAY too much into it.

I am sure that you will have a lovely holiday, but please do not build it up too much. Yes it is exciting, yes it is a landmark, but please keep some perspective so that you avoid any disappointments.

fedup21 · 16/01/2020 20:33

Your friend is being a bitch! My teens come on holiday with us.