To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

[chanellle]

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

My younger sister and I both went on holiday with our parents until out mid twenties as well as having our own holidays. My youngest sister still goes with them with her husband and children and is almost 40.
Different people have completely different family relationships. Some people are happy spending time together. That your friend isnt happy to spend time with her family is a sad reflection on her life. Remember you are lucky and she is the miserable one. She probably cant for one moment imagine what your relationship is like and is also suffering from sour grapes over it.
I'd just reduce my contact a bit with her so she notices and if she ask why, tell her she was upsetting and inconsiderate.

Your 'friend' needs to understand that not everyone wants to drink until they puke and shag around for a week and call it a holiday.

Your friend sadly popped your bubble with her thoughtless throw away comment...
Shake off her comment and enjoy planning the holiday making memories with your family...

I doubt it was malicious, she was likely trying to be cool to your DD or has met older teens who would rather be anywhere than on holiday with their parents. Many want to do their own thing once close to adulthood.

The comment wouldn’t have even registered with me as one to be upset over so maybe you are placing too much emphasis on this holiday. It’s not going to change the previous years.

I'm 38 and I still holiday with my parents. You're doing something very right if your kids stilll want to be with you. Treasure this holiday and ignore the comments.

However as an aside, I really do not understand friendships when you don't call people out on stuff like this. A simple "hey friend, not gonna lie, your comment really hit a nerve with me. You know how long we have wanted to do something like this and your comment was insensitive". Friend should reply "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend, you know how I put my foot in my mouth sometimes" then you both move on.

FWIW I was going to say I was going away with friends from 16 on the piss but I also went away with my parents until I finished Uni! I was gutted when they said ‘this is the last one !’ When I was 21! They had enough haha.

Ignore friend, have an amazing holiday and soak up every moment.

That wasn't very nice of your friend. We couldn't afford many holidays when our kids were very young either and like yourself we were able to have one when they were 16, 15, 13 and 11. We all had a great time and we were able to have a couple more holidays over the next few years and the older ones still came on a couple of them too even though they were at college/uni.

She likely enjoys you being her POOR friend.. now you're able to go on a wonderful holiday her nose is out of joint.. and she wants to piss all over it given any opportunity... I've met these types before.. love when people are 'down' .. it makes them feel superior... they're not they're just nasty

I'm 32 and I still go on holiday with my mum and dad and I love it even if they don't pay for me anymore

Wow what a bitchy comment. My DSs both came on holiday with us all the way through Uni from choice - although we paid! Now 26 and 23 and if DH and I mention we are thinking of booking a cruise, they are both keen to know what we are looking at, and to see if they can get the leave- even though they now pay for themselves.

I still go away with my family at age 32. We also go with my DH family as well. 20 odd of us including cousins, aunts and uncles in Tenerife last year as well as the great gran in the mobility scooter. I think you’re never too old to enjoy a family holiday. Just ignore it. It’s perfectly healthy to enjoy spending time with your family

Your friend is a dick.

Your holiday sounds so lovely and it shows how close you are to your children. We took our teen on his first foreign holiday when he was 13 and I'd have been very upset if someone has joked about the holiday we had planned.

By the way, our daughter came away for most of the holiday and part of the last UK holiday we did, she's in her 20's and loves coming away still.

I've learnt a few things walking along this path towards old ladyhood........ One of them being that 99.99999999% of nasty comments and behaviour have a huge bucket of jealousy attached.

You have kids that enjoy your company and want to spend time with you and she's jealous as hell.

Enjoy your holiday. And don't give this sour, bitter woman anymore headspace.

As Creek says, maybe there’s a reason that woman’s kids don’t want to go on holiday with her! Have a great time, you and your DC.

I mean, it's an insensitive comment given your circumstances, but it's not a big deal and shouldn't be given any more head space. It's just thoughtless - lots of teenagers by that age are bored of family holidays and want to go off with friends (though at 17 I would not let them).

This. It was a dumb comment but thats all it was- a stupid comment. Its also not completely off the mark- I started going away with my mates at age 17. I think your reaction is a little OTT, your friend made a joke about teenagers not wanting to holiday with their parents- she didnt slap you in the face with a kipper, you know?

Aaaaw Bless . This so called friend sounds jealous and nasty that you despite earlier difficulties are managing to go on this lovely adventure together . Perhaps she feels happier to see other people struggling and not doing well . Your family sound lovely . I think your instincts about her are right . All that matters is your family and the closeness you certainly seem to have xxxx

Yes, she is nasty and yes, you need to question your friendship with her. How about you focus on some activities you might do during your holiday, do some planning, check local attractions and involve your daughter in the process? That would distract both of you from the inconsiderate comment that has ruined your mood.

Tell your dd that friend is jealous that she wishes she had such a good relationship with her dd that she'd want to holiday with her.

I don't think your friend was being deliberately mean. It was probably a careless throwaway comment, but I don't think she would've been thinking of your family's previous holidays (most people don't keep a record of where their friends go or don't go on holiday) I think more likely, your friend's children don't want to go away with her and she assumes that all teens don't want to go away with their parents.

It's not unreasonable of your friend to think that some teens won't want to go away with their parents, but as pp have said, the fact that your teens are looking forward to a holiday with you shows you've nothing to be "guilty" for in relation to past holiday experiences.

FWIW, I'm nearly 40 and am looking forward to a week away with my parents (& other family) later this year in a UK caravan park. It's not where you go, it's who you're with that matters.

Hope you have a lovely time.

Last winter, our 32 and 19 yr olds came skiing with us.

In the summer, our 20 and 19 year olds came caravanning in France with us.

I have friends who said they wish their older children would still holiday with them.

Your friend is either envious of your lovely family, or a bit stupid.

Another one saying there's nothing wrong with enjoying being together as a family.
My family did a week away in the UK every year - Mum, Dad, my sister, me and my mum's parents. I loved these weeks so much that the first one I missed was when I was 22 and working and couldn't get the week off. I hated missing them, and whenever possible took time off to go along. When both my sister and I became serious about the guys we were with, they came too. Now, my parents, my family and my sister's family do the same week away all together. Love it and always have.
It's the time you have to reconnect with your family. To almost have the best of both worlds - to be able to be a bit of a child with someone looking after you but also be an adult in helping to make decisions about where to go, where to eat etc. Family holidays can really cement a friendship, compared to normal life where friends are more all-consuming and there is so much else going on.

It sounds like your friend liked you when you were poorer and your options were limited. It is probably jealousy. The too old to go away with parents comment is patent nonsense, just something stupid to get a barb in. Perhaps try saying something else, something new you've bought or an experience you are going to have. Not in a boastful way, in a matter of fact way, and see her reaction. True friend would be interested/pleased that life is on the up for you, not raining on your parade.

You enjoy your hard won holiday. You and the kids are going to have an amazing time.

🏖🍦☀️

Does your "friend" have teenagers? If so, I bet you anything she's jealous of the fabulous relationship you have with your own teens. Ignore her and have an amazing time, and feel proud of how you've brought up your kids.

We had a family holiday in France this year. My dc were 19 and 17. We had a great time.

Maybe it was a throwaway comment. Don’t overthink it.