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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 16/01/2020 20:34

What a twat!

iolaus · 16/01/2020 20:35

My 19 year old asked if we were going anywhere (and clearly expected to be involved if we do) this year

The older teens (17 and above) do seem to flip flop over what they want to do re family holidays - same one who said she'd come this year our last break she decided she didn't want to come, the other one despite the previous holiday saying that would be the last one (with a provisio that if we went to Disney she was still coming with us even if she's 40) not only came on that break but brought her boyfriend (however I do think had I not extended the offer to the boyfriend she probably would have stayed home)

MeanMrMustardSeed · 16/01/2020 20:37

You’re friend is a twat. I go away with my parents every year. When I was 18 I went away with them and had a fabulous holiday which I’ll always remember.

Sounds like your friend preferred it when you couldn’t afford to do nice things.

alifelived · 16/01/2020 20:37

I went to France aged 16 and 17 with my friend’s parents.

I loved it

StoneColdSaidSo · 16/01/2020 20:38

Your friends a twat. Ignore her.

My all time favourite holiday so far was the one my parents took me and my siblings on in 1999. I was 19 and already at university, dsis was 17, dbro was 12. He took us on a tour of Asia and we all had so much fun. I just recently went on holiday with my parents with my dc. Family holidays are awesome

saraclara · 16/01/2020 20:38

My kids have never stopped having family holidays with me (and in the past with my late DH) and they're 32 and 31! Okay, for the last few years we've just taken mini breaks and long weekends, and they have their own holidays too (as do I), but up to about five or six years ago we were still travelling to a campsite in France together every summer!

I hope you and your DD can both forget what the friend said, and feel sorry for her instead, that she doesn't have the same relationship as you do!

Babyg1995 · 16/01/2020 20:38

It's a throw away comment don't let it bother you enjoy your holiday 😍

ChicCroissant · 16/01/2020 20:39

I think because you (all) feel it is a really big deal you have over-reacted a little when someone hasn't been enthusiastic about you all going away together, and if you are all looking forward to the holiday (which she didn't say anything bad about) then I don't see why you would cut contact with a friend over it. Why does her opinion matter to you so much?

Have a lovely holiday! It sounds great.

Clymene · 16/01/2020 20:39

Your friend is not a friend.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 16/01/2020 20:40

I think your friend was trying to make your DD think she's 'cool'. A lot of 17 year olds don't want to go on holiday with their parents. A lot do. I really don't think she was having a dig at your circumstances

Hollywhiskey · 16/01/2020 20:43

I'm 34 and very much looking forward to going on holiday with my husband, kids and parents in a few weeks. We went away with them in the summer, my sister and brother in law came too and it was great. We used to bring my grandparents on holiday when we were kids.
I've never been to Magaluf or on that type of holiday, never wanted to. It's not for everyone.

Apileofballyhoo · 16/01/2020 20:45

OP you sound like a lovely person with lovely children. The very best holiday I ever had was with my DM, just the two of us and I was in my 20s.

Pinkypie86 · 16/01/2020 20:46

My DD 17 (she will be 2 months off 18 when we go in June) is coming away with just me and DP ( her SD )

We are off to Milan for 6 days, sightseeing, shopping, eating and a Foo Fighters gig thrown in!! I'm so excited Grin

She isn't embarrassed travelling with us. She is like our best friend.

Have fun with your DCs!! I think it says far more about us as parents if our DCs still enjoying spending time with us.
France is amazing, btw.

Bakedbrie · 16/01/2020 20:46

Such BS from your friend....loads of kids in late teens / Uni love a holiday with the olds!!!!

letmebefrank · 16/01/2020 20:47

My DH and I are well over 40 with children ... we still spend some overseas holidays with his family. kids love it!

Chocrock · 16/01/2020 20:48

All the 17 year olds I know go away with their parents and enjoy it.
Your friend must have known how much the holiday means to your family, seems like she was deliberately stirring up trouble.

MaybeDoctor · 16/01/2020 20:48

Try not to let it upset you or throw you off-balance.

Remember: other people pay far less attention to us than we think they do. They also tend to expect us to fit into their own preconceived ideas. She has probably forgotten that you weren't able to afford holidays when your children were younger, or just formed an idea in her mind that you liked holidaying in the UK. She clearly doesn't 'get' what this holiday means to you or she wouldn't have said it.

I also notice that some people adopt this slightly negative tone about everything and try to pass it off as 'banter'.

Either call her on it or put it out of your mind.

But enjoy your holiday!

XingMing · 16/01/2020 20:49

Probably a throwaway remark. She may not even have thought about you not having family holidays before now. You will all have a great time. Enjoy yourselves.

Glitteryone · 16/01/2020 20:50

Your friend is a dick!

I hope you and your family have the best time! It sounds like you really deserve it. And I think it sounds like a lovely holiday.

ddl1 · 16/01/2020 20:51

Your friend seems to suffer from serious footinmouth disease. I'm sure your dd will have a great time!

Timeandtune · 16/01/2020 20:51

My DS1 is 27 and he ( and his GF) come on holiday with us. They also go as a couple and with friends. Have a lovely time OP.

MargotB7 · 16/01/2020 20:55

What a stupid thing to say to your DD. I don't understand why people are so insensitive. I honestly think she is not very bright or just being a bitch. I hope you all have a much deserved family holiday.

Scatterlit · 16/01/2020 20:56

I agree with a previous poster that she was trying to be cool and down with da kidz in front of your daughter — unless there’s considerable backstory you’ve not mentioned, I don’t see any signs of a dig at your holiday or attempts to spoil your kids’ excitement.

Have a brilliant time. I had precisely one holiday consisting of a week in a grim caravan in a permanent rainstorm throughout my childhood, and I would have been dying with excitement in your teenagers’ shoes.

(Agree about tolls, and make sure you have decent insurance cover — we shredded a tyre on an autoroute on an August Saturday a couple of years back, a couple of hundred miles from our destination, and the whole things ended up being an epic...)

MargotB7 · 16/01/2020 20:56

A Lovely holiday, I meant.

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/01/2020 20:57

My DD is 33 and loves coming on holiday with DH and me ( possibly because I pay!) your friend is a thoughtless idiot .