To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

[chanellle]

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

I’m sorry your friend said that. It reeks of jealousy to me :/

Your “friend” sounds jealous, you will all have a fabulous time.

YANBU what a horrible comment to make. Have a fabulous holiday, I’m sure you will. 😍

Disregard your friend nasty comment. We have just returned from our family holiday with my 18 year old son and my partner 19 and 18 son and daughter. We all had a fantastic time. Not every teenager want a boozy hoilday! Enjoy ur well deserved family holiday xx

I don't think that what your friend says is even true. Yes a lot of teens who have the luxury of holidays every year, or even twice a year, will say they find it boring and would rather stay at home to see their friends / sit on their play station. But in my experience the holidaying away with friends doesn't normally start until age 18 after A levels. They may go away with a friends family, or a UK festival but the Magaluf type holiday is normally 18 .

My DS is 18 and continues to come on holiday with us if we are going somewhere he wants to go - which translates as him coming for a week to Portugal but not a weekend in Wales!

I'm sure you will all have a lovely time.

Enjoy your holiday op! Bet she's green with envy your teens enjoy spending time with you x

Can I add that although DS and his friends are all quite sociable together and go to the pub, gigs, meals together, they are all quite family focused and all do things with their own families still.

What a bitch!
Does she have kids of her own? If so I believe that may have come from a jealous place because your kids aren’t spoilt brats and have respect and want to go away with there parents and are excited about it . Also your daughter is 17 so how on earth would she be going to Magaluf on holiday, 18 is the legal age and even then I’m sure most parents have reservations
What a stupid thing to say!

You shouldn’t feel shit about not ‘giving them’ when clearly you have given them everything they have needed a home, love and care.

I grew up being spoilt - did me no favours!!!!

I also hated the fact my friend Who didn’t have much ( materialistic) got time with her parents played board games, went for walks and was close to them.

I hope you have a fantastic holiday you clearly deserve it and if the relationship is worth saving tell your friend how you feel about what she said, if she values the friendship she will apologise to you xx

Sounds like you gave your children what you could growing up, so you have nothing to apologise for, or to feel ashamed about. As a child we tended to have weekends away because my parents had a run of bad luck after building their own home, the builder went bust and them everything went on legal fees to stop the council tearing the unfinished house down. We didn't resent them, we realise they were doing what they could for us, and still went on holiday at 17-18 with them, once things were better (it took that long to sort) and enjoyed it all the more as we got to enjoy bars and cafes, not just kids clubs. Your friend is a Muppet, as not all 17 year olds want to go to shag-aluf with their mates to drink to oblivion and catch STDs! Enjoy time with your daughter and the fact that she is probably a more rounded person for the struggles you had when she was younger, and marvel in the two young adults you have created. Not everyone is the same, and do what suits you, and your family, not hers. PS I still go on holiday with my parents at 42 and still enjoy it, and have done so as an adult before and after kids, it just depends what sort of relationship you have with your parents.

OP-Mine had caravan and camping holidays in the UK when they were growing up, as I was mainly a SAHP. When the youngest went to secondary I went F/T, which was roughly when DP's salary jumped up 10k (shame we didn't have that when they were little).

For the last 3 yrs we have done 2 wks abroad each year and they LOVE it. By the time we go away later this year they will be 15 and 20 and they can't wait. I also love going away with them now they are older as they want to do/see/visit the things we do.

Your friend sounds a little jealous. Oh, and tell your Dd she will have a fabulous time x

Ignore her, tell your daughter that if she wants to go away with her parents and sibling then go. Our daughter will be 16 this year and we are going away in this country with that includes my husband and 13 year old. We didn't go away last year and will go abroad next year, not sure if our then 17 year old will come. It would be nice for her but she may want to go away with friends but that's another discussion.

Op do not under rate the holidays your dc have had so far.
We have only camped with my youngest dc. First trip with new dh he chose the site.
Wettest part of Scotland and the site was a filed and a shed converted into a shower block.
Me trying to shower 3 x dc while on my period on a quarter of a shed....
Every morning the tent had been flooded. We had to drive 45 mins to a lighthouse for a cuppa to defrost. While having the heaters on full to dry sleeping bags for the same again that night....
The dc proclaim it's their favourite holiday!!

It was a throwaway comment but also thoughtless and not helpful. Just tell your daughter that it is going to be great, everyone is different and not to worry, And have a lovely time!

You could also have a quiet word with your friend about the impact it had on your daughter and even if she was joking, could she avoid that sort of comment in future.

You and your family sound great, as does your holiday.
The 'friend' was an idiot. I know some teens wouldn't want to go away with their parents, but yours do. It's that simple.
Have a wonderful time in France!

Ignore her.

We were broke for a very long time, we only went where we could afford to go, like you over the years our fortunes have improved.

I saw the crash coming in 2007, finally hit in 2008, we had stopped all credit cards and operated on debit cards only.

My Dsis invited us on a holiday with them, BF and neighbours DH said in all the time we have known you, I don't think you have ever had a decent holiday.

I replied we don't spend what we don't have, anyway we had a great holiday.

In early 2009 it transpired that all their decent holidays and the very latest of everything had been done on credit to the tune of £60,000.

We are original mortgage free ,small one for kitchen and bathroom once the big one had been paid off. Have never been overdrawn again since 2007.

The point of that being that there is a huge dose of green eyed monster somewhere in the middle of her comment.

I think if anyone tried to make a negative out of something you really see as positive, then I'd want that kind of toxicity out of my life. I'd definitely want to tackle her about her thinking behind the comment. We have a check before we make a comment in our house (obviously it doesn't always work, and it's borrowed, not original!) 'Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary.' We advise if not, then it doesn't need to spill out of your head through your mouth. If your 'friend' couldn't think of anything better to say, then she should have kept her gob shut.

Good grief my dd came on holiday with me, she's 22 and her old mate joined us. I'm late 50's and we had a fab time. Plenty of chilled time, some late nights drinking, eating and laughing. We all had a fab time no pressure, no keeping up with peer group just great fun. Don't feel bad for not having a lot as your children were growing up, they will appreciate things like this holiday more than those that have everything. My family were not well off but I remember some of the special times we had as kids. My stbxh was from well off family and can't remember anything special and everything is based on money and how much he has, difficult keeping our kids grounded. Enjoy your holiday, ignore stupid

She's nasty she jealous. I couldn't be friends with someone like that. Your poor dd too, making her feel childish for looking forward to her holiday.
Have an amazing time.

Mine are 31 (plus fiancée), 28 and 20. They will still come away with us if we're offering (and they have enough holiday time left). Just ignore horrible friend and I hope you have a wonderful time.

I'm 38 and still like going away with my parents!!!! Lol

You shouldn't give a flying fuck about your friends opinion. Go on holiday and have a fab time. Never live your life through other people's advice!

That is so mean spirited. Your holiday sounds great. You sound like a lovely mum.

It was nasty, gratuitously nasty. Not true either - I can't think of anything dd would have hated more at that age (at any age) than a week in Magaluff with a load of pissed up teens, friends or not.

Just don't bother with the old bag any more. You don't have to.

Reassure your dd. Of course she''s not too old. 17 year olds can only afford to go away by themselves if they have parents wealthy enough (and lax enough) to pay for them, unless they can save up with their Saturday jobs.

I happily went on hol with my parents every year until I was 19, (brother2 21 and 17) and occasionally went with them well into my 20s if they were going somewhere interesting or a place I couldn't afford on my own (guilt, still getting dosh out of my parents at 25!).

Think what she said she was probably well intentioned and jokey (teenagers do hate their parents at 17ish ...normally.......) if a bit thoughtless given your money situation (presuming she knows about it...) let it go over your head...it wasn't probably meant to be thought about this much and was probably a throwaway comment of a thoughtless one...

Sometimes it takes a snide comment for you to revalue your friendship. It sounds either like a touch of the green eyed monster or a tactless remark.