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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
Lou12124 · 17/01/2020 19:28

Family holidays are the best. We're 30 and go away with our mum and dad and take our kids...its making beautiful memories. The friend obviously has issues with her own family.

Cassns1 · 17/01/2020 19:33

Sounds like a great holiday and all involved in it. My friend had 2 teens, one DS just turned 17 last week and one DD, who will be 19 in August, and they go on a family holiday every year and look forward to it. Haven't got oodles of cash but they always have a fab time together. Don't worry what anyone else says or thinks. Just concentrate on having a fab time. You can let your pal know afterwards (or not), just how fab it was 👍

EugenesAxe · 17/01/2020 19:33

I don’t know what made her say it, but it’s rubbish. It depends entirely on the child and the relationship they have with their parents. I went - age about 26? - on hols with my parents and their friends, who also had girls in their 20s who came along, and we all had a brilliant time.

With no offence to your DD she should try to distance herself from ‘convention’, even though fitting in is what most teens are about. She’s happy and she shouldn’t be ashamed to show it; her self-confidence will hopefully parry any potential teasing about it.

Good on you and much respect!

Thinkingabout1t · 17/01/2020 19:34

Rayshine, I think you meant to start a new thread? I'm sure plenty of MNers have experience of this.

I have sometimes seen women breastfeeding in restaurants, and I always give them a big beaming smile (sorry if you were trying to be unnoticeable!). If you're driving there, maybe give a feed in the car just before you go in?

Tubs11 · 17/01/2020 19:36

Ignore her. I holidayed with my parents well into my thirties and treasure those memories and the laughs we had. If anything it's a reflection on her and her relationship with her own parents. Have a fabulous holiday with your family, there's nothing like it.

insanepizza · 17/01/2020 19:36

Your friend is a twat. I am now 42 and had lots when growing up but not holidays, my parents couldn't afford everything and holidays so we just didn't really.

The things improved and in my twenties I went on 6+ various holidays with them. I absolutely loved it and have great mementoes of doing so - DH even came on one once I'd met him. I'm so glad I did.

Now my 21 year old niece lives with us and she still holidays with us (and her cousins, my children, are much younger than her).

Please tell your DD not to worry!

PlumsGalore · 17/01/2020 19:41

Your friend is an arse. My DC still come away with us every summer and every winter skiing.

They are 25 and 22 and we have a lot of fun.

They also go away with mates during the year as do we.

Harls1969 · 17/01/2020 20:00

Your friend has foot in mouth syndrome! My DD is 22 and DS is 18 in a few weeks. They still enjoy family holidays - we're off to California in the summer. Both are working so they now contribute towards it and DD also has holidays with friends and boyfriend. You will have a great time, DD can go to Magaluf with her friends when she can afford it but family time is precious. Have a lovely holiday, don't let your so called friend put a damper on it

Toomuchtrouble4me · 17/01/2020 20:01

I don't agree that your friend meant any harm and I think that you are over-thinking it.

MrsMGE · 17/01/2020 20:03

It sounds like a generic throwaway comment to a teenager, nothing personal. She probably didn't think it through, whereas you're overthinking because this holiday is a big deal to you.

Don't waste more of your time and enjoy your holiday.

SouthernComforter · 17/01/2020 20:06

I went away with my parents at 18 - I'm going away with them this year at 40! (Coastal Irish road trip around where my husband is from). It's lovely that your family enjoy spending time together, regardless of age. France is the most beautiful, varied country in the world - hope you all have a wonderful time!

Carriecakes80 · 17/01/2020 20:08

My eldest is still only 21, but he absolutely loves coming away with us, and when we suggested he stay at home or have his own holiday, he was horrified!

I would have loved to have more family holidays, but in the same boat for many years, no real holidays, instead we would camp in our tny garden and play board games, didn't help that we live in an affluent area where their friends would have a few amazing holidays every year, while we couldn't afford even a weekend in Great Yarmouth!

Your friend was a twat, ignore, family holidays can be amazing, again like you, its only been in recent years we have been able to do proper little holidays, and even though the kids are older its been amazing. x

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 17/01/2020 20:10

My ds is 17. Last summer he had a great holiday with me and ds2, plus a week somewhere clubby with friends. It doesn’t have to be either or! Your friend’s comment was catty and unnecessary.

Kizzyma · 17/01/2020 20:15

I envy that your daughter at 17 wants to
go away with you . My son never wanted to - but because he was so popular and had friends to go away with - but because he was irritated by me and his dad ! You are obviously so close which is lovely . If your daughter is in doubt, show her this post with all the people that loved going away with their parents at her age and beyond and really enjoy the planning xx

pointythings · 17/01/2020 20:17

Your 'friend' is an idiot and an unpleasant person. My DDs are almost 17 and 19 and still love going on holiday with me. We have made our plans for 2020 and are starting on 2021.

Talktome101 · 17/01/2020 20:20

I think you are overthinking it. Lots of teenagers want to have a holiday with friends. I certainly did (and then started going away with my parents again a year or two later and have done many times since). I can’t see that it would have been through jealousy or spite - it sounds like a throwaway jokey comment that she has made without realising how big a deal this holiday is to you. She would probably be mortified if she knew that it had caused you to be feeling like this.

kateandme · 17/01/2020 20:22

not all teens want to go and get pissed and shag on beaches in the 'youth' holiday spots.
my sister never wanted to go to those places.neither did i.she came on every holiday every year,but also later went out on her own with her mates.she has now been all over and never once to 'one of those' holidays.japan,morocco,china,norway,india,africa. they went to holiday in cottages with log burners on the cornish coast.their idea of a night out was in the hot tub in the garden.not all people are the same.
your daughter can go out on one o them holiday with her mates,but why does this mean she cant enjoy a family holiday with you guys,especially in you situation when it means so much.
my cousins too like coming on family holidays.we went camping,skiing to a challet in wales on the beach.

Madcats · 17/01/2020 20:26

The HUGE difference is that your children have been heavily involved in planning this holiday.... I really hope you have a great time. Airbnb's can be fab.

Magaluf would be DD's idea of hell (TBF she is a bit younger, but `I can't see her views of what makes a good holiday changing significantly).

billy1966 · 17/01/2020 20:29

Oh, I have just realised she referenced notorious "shaggaluff"..... really.....

Mrsmummy90 · 17/01/2020 20:46

I'm sorry that she's put a damper on your much needed holiday!
It sounds like it was just a thoughtless (and badly timed) comment without any malice meant.
Just brush it off and carry on. I hope you all have a fab time xx

Kizzyma · 17/01/2020 20:54

Oooh did a typo! Meant to say not because my child was so popular . Not that he was !

Bugbabe1970 · 17/01/2020 20:57

I think you are reading too much into it because you feel guilty that you couldn’t afford holidays for your kids
Just get over it she didn’t mean anything by it

TatianaLarina · 17/01/2020 21:02

There’s no way on earth I’d have gone away with my parents when I was 17, so I can see her point. But I doubt she meant it as harshly as you took it.

DC3dilemma · 17/01/2020 21:04

Friends aren’t perfect and say stupid things sometimes. Let it go, woman!

browneyes77 · 17/01/2020 21:07

Blimey. I’m in my 40’s and have still had breaks with my mom who is 75!

Your friend sound like a bit of an insensitive twat.

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