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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
Flipflopalops · 17/01/2020 18:05

You're Not being unfair ...though maybe you & your DD are very sensitive.. to be that upset by that comment !? Sounds to me as if your friend was trying to be Cool ! But 17 would be extremely young to be holidaying out of the country with your mates imo!
Just ignore it & enjoy that you are obviously a tight family , your DC are both at an age where parents are intrinsically uncool & the worst thing you can do is try hard to be cool ....just relax & enjoy it.
You all deserve it by the sounds of things but def no socks & sandals ;-p xx

SoupDragon · 17/01/2020 18:06

I asked DS1 if he still wanted to come on holiday with us this year. He was horrified at the thought of not coming! He'll be 21.

I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17

Well, clearly you have a better relationship with your children than she had with her mother :)

cherish123 · 17/01/2020 18:07

What a cow. She is just jealous. (So am I. It sounds great!) Most 17 year olds go on holiday with their parents. I don't know any who go away with friends. Just ignore her and have a lovely time.

payens · 17/01/2020 18:09

Drop this friend she is spiteful and mean.

Rtruth · 17/01/2020 18:10

Firstly, I think what you are doing is lovely. Your story is completely understandable and heartwarming.

On flip side though, I can relate to question your friend said. When I was 17, I went on my last family holiday and I have photos where it looks like I’m hating it.

So think it’s a fair question. Think it’s harmless misunderstanding

needanewnamechange · 17/01/2020 18:14

Always someone who wants to rain on your parade , the fact it's a friend is horrible .

lilgreen · 17/01/2020 18:17

Friend is a twat. My DD19 is always keen to come with us in addition to any friends holiday. Don’t let her nasty jealousy spoil your excitement.

Minxmumma · 17/01/2020 18:19

Her comment is a reflection if her relationship with her parents not yours with your dc. Just ignore her

My dc are 22, 18,18 and 3. The eldest and her fiance come away with us, the twins plan all sorts of adventures while we're away. And we don't go anywhere exotic. Generally in the UK, remote, hilly / mountainous areas.

They do their thing with mates as well but they love this down time full of laughter, silly games and stuff

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/01/2020 18:20

Dd is 19, 20 this year and it wouldn’t cross her mind to not be going on holiday with us.

She still goes to Magaluf with her friends but she really enjoys our family holiday as well.

Atm though her friends are stoney broke so Magaluf might be a weekend in Manchester this year

MyWitzEnd · 17/01/2020 18:21

I went with my 32 year old son!

GoodDogBellaBoo · 17/01/2020 18:22

My oldest will be 20 and youngest 17. They go with us every year. A friend questioned it every year, her kids never wanted to. I told her that we actually have fun together. And if I were my kids I would want to go to, even if I was 45! And that I was sorry for her that her children never wanted to. She never said anything again.

Clucket87 · 17/01/2020 18:23

I went on holidays abroad with my parents until I was 24, we had a caravan holiday when I was 25 and then I was 26 when I went on the last family holiday with my siblings and my dad (my mum had passed away).

I honestly think if my mum was still alive I would still go away with them and I’m 32!

I remember a time when my mum knew to the last penny what she had in her account and I was 14 before we went on our first family holiday abroad. We did a road trip to France for 4 years running and I loved it.

I have memories of spending time with my mum and dad that my other friends just don’t have. I wouldn’t change that for the world, I just wish I could have had more.

Your friend is being an idiot. There could be a lot of reasons for it. Personally if you are still thinking about it, that suggests to me that it needs addressing. Either she will apologise for not realising how it made you feel, or she will get angry with you and it’s clear you don’t need somebody that negative around you.

Life is short and time is fleeting so keep the things most important to you around and dump those that don’t do you justice.

Have a fab holiday!!! X

Notreallyhappy · 17/01/2020 18:25

Twat,,, my ds is 21 & still comes away with us...

caringcarer · 17/01/2020 18:26

My youngest son came on holiday with me and Step-Dad for 2 weeks in either France, Italy or Spain from aged 9 until he was 22. He loved it as we paid for everything. His step grandparents came too. He loved all the attention from grandparents who spent hours in sea swimming with him. Your friend sounds jealous tbh. I would drop her. Have a wonderful holiday. Euro rates good at moment.Smile

FelicisNox · 17/01/2020 18:26

I totally understand why you feel the way you do and YANBU.

You also know her better than us so if it sounded malicious then it probably was and you're right to question your friendship: life is too short to have shitty friends.

I also didn't have a pot to piss in for the first 15yrs and we've only been having abroad holidays for the last 5 and like you, it's a big deal and our 3 remaining kids love going on holiday with us. They will be 14, 17 and 18 this year and are raring to go.

You have a great relationship with your kids and she's clearly jealous so explain that to your kids and start phasing this woman out.

Don't give it another thought.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 17/01/2020 18:27

Take no notice - I still went on holidays with my parents until I was 19 - and loved going with them.

IdiotInDisguise · 17/01/2020 18:28

Is that a friend? What a nasty comment, and Magaluf??? How bloody stylish of her Grin

Honestly OP, reassure your teen that families that get along well continue travelling together most of their lives, and have a great time.

Your friend didn’t like her parents or her kids do not like her enough to spend time with her, she is jealous (and you are blessed of having a lovely family).

QueenoftheFarts · 17/01/2020 18:29

Your friend is a nob. Much like you, we never had money for holidays when ours were growing up and one of them has left home now. When we said we were booking something and did they want to come they absolutely jumped at joining us. Just because her kids are (or she was) whiney shits doesnt mean all kids are.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday x

Fobmax18 · 17/01/2020 18:29

I’m one of 4! Ranging for 25-35 and we still go on family holidays!!! Don’t sweat it! Have the best time and try not to over think what I hope was a thoughtless comment with no malice

mummytraveller · 17/01/2020 18:29

Ignore so called friend! In December we went away - Me, DD6, best friend and her 3 teens: 15,17,19 - and they absolutely loved exploring new places, so we're doing it again this year!

Sewrainbow · 17/01/2020 18:29

I enjoyed holidays with my parents at that age, I think I had my last one with them at 20 and we never went abroad. In fact I've never been abroad with parents (they couldn't afford it) only friends or dh.

I understood my parents' situation and didn't hold it against. I'm sure your dc will have lovely time, the friend is being bitter/condescending, don't let her think it's anything other than normal and lovely Smile

IdiotInDisguise · 17/01/2020 18:30

We are all around 50 and we still travel with our parents, our teens always come along and have a blast.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 17/01/2020 18:31

Your friend sounds like a bitch even more so if she knows your history!

MrsBadcrumble123 · 17/01/2020 18:31

Ps I’m 43 and have been away with my parents every year since I was a baby!

Nanajadus · 17/01/2020 18:33

Did she go off to Magaluf then at 17!
I certainly wouldn't of let my daughter go at that age. Infact I wouldn't let her go now and she's 30. Or Cyprus!

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