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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 17/01/2020 21:09

My daughters are 21 and 23 and they come on holiday with us. Your friend is awful.

FuckingHateRats · 17/01/2020 21:10

How tactless.

Have the loveliest time. It sounds wonderful and your DC will have an amazing time because they've been so involved in the planning of it.

Qcng · 17/01/2020 21:14

Haven't read the full thread but from your OP.
Fuck that shit!

I went with my parents to Florida when I was 21.

The occasional trip to London when I was a teenager was a bonus but the Florida trip as a young adult was a dream! I'll remember it forever.

Gogolego · 17/01/2020 21:14

I'm late 20s and still go away on holidays to France with my parents and never with my friends really. YADNBU

Forget about your "friend" and have a fab holiday with your family. It sounds like you truly have earned it

ShinyMe · 17/01/2020 21:16

I'm 47 and I've just booked my next holiday with my mother. We go away together all the time, and it's lovely!

Damsel · 17/01/2020 21:20

I hope you have a wonderful family holiday.

Remember that everyone has their own issues & mostly we don’t know what they are.

Hopefully your friend wasn’t intentionally malicious but it’s possible that seeing all of your genuine excitement & enthusiasm about your first overseas holiday as a family raised some insecurity in her & a mirror on something lacking in her own life. Hence her response.

It’s important you explain to your DD that this friend may have reacted as she did because of her own insecurities.

Don’t let this cloud what will be an amazing experience for you & your family.

Snowman123 · 17/01/2020 21:20

I think it was more your friend trying to make conversation with your dd.
Through away comment, meant as a joke. The reality is many kids wouldn't want to go away with their parents at that age (my son says he's not coming this year....), so be glad your kids want to spend time with you and go off and enjoy it!

Stop focusing on what they never had and focus on what they did have.

IdblowJonSnow · 17/01/2020 21:21

Insensitive but she was probably trying to be funny?
Unless shes normally a dick?
Holiday sounds brilliant and it's great that things are looking up and you'll be having g this experience.
And they are too young really for that kind of holiday anyway with their friends!
Ignore and enjoy.

katy1111 · 17/01/2020 21:23

I just want to say OP that you sound like a really fantastic mum and just because your kids didn't have loads of expensive stuff in their childhood, they had something much more valuable and that will last them throughout their lifetimes so please don't feel guilty. And your holiday sounds amazing.

As regards your friend's comment, I don't know, I think if she's always a supportive good friend in other ways then you should probably just put it down to an innocent, albeit insensitive and inaccurate, attempt to make light conversation with your dd. But if she has form, then I'd call her up on it as she should know how important this is to you.

dontgobaconmyheart · 17/01/2020 21:27

I don't know OP, i wouldn't let people rile you up on here to be honest. Comments saying that she is 'obviously' jealous/awful/spiteful/out to get you/her 'kids must hate her' so she is acting out- are all totally without foundation and ridiculous. We know nothing about her.

It very possibly was just a joking attempt at conversation, i would have bloody hated a holiday with my parents at that age in all honesty, as would most of the people I was friends with at the time, it was something we actively avoided as we wanted to be hanging out with one another being teenagers. My DNiece and Nephew age 13 and 14 were taken on a family holiday recently and did nothing but complain, text their friends and ask when they were going home.

That doesn't mean your DC think that though, I think the situation you have where the DC are happy to go and excited and enjoy time with their family is a very positive thing! I would enjoy it, not mention what was said again and just crack on. Speak to your friend about it and see what she says if it is that much of an issue for you still.

Hamsterriffic · 17/01/2020 21:28

She’s an idiot, she’s probably jealous you all have something lovely planned together that you’re all looking forward to... have a wonderful time!

Thornhill58 · 17/01/2020 21:37

Some teens feel that way but others don't. Your friend made a very stupid assumption about what your DD may or may not enjoy. It is true that many kids may think it's a nightmare but clearly your kids are looking forward. They clearly had a lot of love growing up and enjoy being with you.
It was a thoughtless comment but maybe that's your friend's experience. Maybe her or her children didn't get on with parents.
If she is a good friend forgive her because that's what we do even when they are not at their best.
Enjoy France it's very pretty Smile

CasanovaFrankenstein · 17/01/2020 22:09

It was an idiotic thing to say. If she knows any background it makes it worse. But it was probably just a thoughtless thing to say - although I really don't get why some people make comments that seem designed to cause issues between parents & children.

Janus · 17/01/2020 22:36

I think your friend is jealous that your daughter wants to go away with you and made a mean comment, go away and you blooming enjoy that holiday!
(We have 4 kids, oldest is 19 and still comes away with us, I love it when we’re all together and so does she!)

RoseLillian · 17/01/2020 22:43

To be fair to your friend by the age of 15 I hated going abroad with my parents. Particularly bad was that it was the first year my older sister at 17 was allowed to stay at home. The thing is I was very spoilt and we went abroad twice a year. A few years later as a broke university student I soon realised it was the only way I was going to afford to go away. I had been going away with my parents ever since (my Dad passed away last year), I will still be going away with my Mum. I now realise I was a bit of a spoiled brat. Your children sound lovely and although you may feel guilty about how little they had growing up, you have taught them to appreciate what they do have. Having lost my Dad I do wish I had appreciated it more back then.

karalou2 · 17/01/2020 23:22

Point out to your DD/DC that you may not have had money but you've always loved them and brought them up to be close and respectful. Children who only had money thrown at them don't have those qualities. Enjoy your holiday..

Barmychick · 17/01/2020 23:37

They didn't have nothing,your kids hsd/have your love , support . Also wonderful role models of how to persevere & overcome life's problems. Go have a fab time!

cakeandchampagne · 18/01/2020 00:05

It might be something you keep doing each year.
You respected their input in planning & they enjoy your company.
Forget about your friend’s comment.

OnceUponACat · 18/01/2020 00:10

Magaluf? 🤮
Your holiday sounds the best. Your friend is an idiot that needs to grow up.

Ttcbabybennett · 18/01/2020 00:15

It sounds like you’re being over sensitive, if she’d said something genuinely mean you wouldn’t have had to whitish it with you financial situation for the past 20 years to make it sound like anything put a throw away joke/ comment.
Just enjoy your holiday and your dd will have forgotten about the comment in no time... u less you make a big thing of it

Buffs · 18/01/2020 02:36

What a horrible thing to say, how do you know her friend is awful? Her comment was upsetting but that doesn’t make her awful.

londonscalling · 18/01/2020 03:20

I think your friend was just having some banter with your daughter. I doubt she meant anything by it. Just laugh it off and enjoy your holiday!

Chercando · 18/01/2020 06:41

What an absolute arse of a ‘friend’. I’d be furious! I never went on holiday with my parents as a child and were in the same situation as you described. I went on my first holiday with my Mum when I was 20 and my Dad when I was 26. Both are the best holidays I have ever had. Your kids will have an amazing time, even more so because they know the hard work that’s gone in to getting to this point.

Tommo75 · 18/01/2020 07:38

Your friend was out of order. She clearly doesn't know you at all. How lucky you have a lovely family who want to spend time together. Never too old to holiday together. Enjoy every minute.

fib88 · 18/01/2020 07:43

I think your friend was trying to be “smart and down with the kids” and didn’t really think before she opened her mouth and probably oblivious to her stupid comment. Somebody once said something similar to my son going to university and trying drugs!