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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex left toddler in hotel alone to go bar, so wrong?!

305 replies

Nothappy83 · 15/01/2020 23:08

Hi all, feeling really sad (and bit shocked) my ex let slip that during his access last weekend with our 3 year old son, that he left him in the hotel room alone (asleep) so that he, my ex, could go and join the lads for pints at the bar in the same hotel.

I really don't feel happy about this -- for one everyone knows any old staff have duplicate keys to hotel rooms, could've been abducted (unlikely but still) also could have woken up, he does wake up from time to time still, so could have been scared and or got hurt, any number of scenarios.

Ex says he was checking on him every ten mins -- I don't believe that, he doesn't draw breath for that long when having a drink with friends. Plus anything can happen in that time.

I just keep thinking of him alone in room & ex downstairs laughing & drinking & I feel so, so crushed.

I'm so confused as to why he would do this as he seems such a doting dad otherwise. Is well educated, from a lovely family, professional job etc.

Some background, I also caught him once nipping to the corner shop opposite our house when son was just a newborn (he had left him sleeping in Moses basket argued it was minutes). Also, on holidays with his friends there has been conflict as they all wanted to leave kids in tents etc whilst they drank in other area of campsite -- I disagreed and stayed back with ours.

He has also tried to blame my anxiety (pretty low) I pointed out it's against law (?) To leave kids who could be at risk, so not my anxiety at all.

I feel like I want to ban him from taking him away again as feel he's broken my trust 💔 plus with shop gate as newborn not the first time.

Do people think I'm overreacting, or is it just plain wrong?

Sorry for long post! Just can't get it off my mind.

OP posts:
sofaandchoc · 15/01/2020 23:10

Yeah - if my ex did that he would be having supervised visits only.

7dayslater · 15/01/2020 23:12

YANBU. I'd be furious.

TheRealShatParp · 15/01/2020 23:12

That’s terrible parenting.

JasonPollack · 15/01/2020 23:13

JFC I wouldn't let him take DS anywhere again if my husband did this. That is very poor and selfish decision making.

clpsmum · 15/01/2020 23:14

Terrible I wouldn't stand for that tbh. Don't want to add salt to the wounds but most hotel doors only lock from outside too meaning your son could've easily wandered out if he's woken (know this as it has happened to me). Not sure what I'd do if I were you but sending hugs x

Minky35 · 15/01/2020 23:15

Ask him if he has ever heard of Madeline McCann. It’s unbelievable behaviour.

June705 · 15/01/2020 23:16

Wow!! This is actually mind blowing. Slightly concerning that perhaps he doesn't actually feel any particular affinity towards your toddler. Any parent who truly loved their child wouldn't even consider leaving them alone and at risk like this. Very sad

Zzzz19 · 15/01/2020 23:17

It was actually quite common when I was a kid 40 years ago. Not so much now obviously

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 15/01/2020 23:18

Awful. Awful. I wouldn’t trust him to see DC again unsupervised

Cryingoverspilttea · 15/01/2020 23:18

Supervised visits only from now on. Get proof in text or recording before then and take it to court.

He's a fucking idiot. Your child could've woken up and done anything. Imagine if there was a fire ffs 😳

Turquiose · 15/01/2020 23:18

Wow that's totally unacceptable. What a dick. I'd stop unsupervised visits in that situation.

Nothappy83 · 15/01/2020 23:18

Thank you -- I am really shocked, he tried to downplay it. I know some parents do this on holiday etc but I just don't agree with it, like a meal or drinks is really more important than a kids safety!!

Not sure if to even talk about reducing his general access. I told his mum (still get on well) and she wasn't happy either.

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 15/01/2020 23:19

That’s awful

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/01/2020 23:19

15 years ago this was pretty acceptable.

And then Madeleine McCann happened.

As people have said the big risk is not abduction but child waking up, going looking for dad, wandering out the room and getting lost.

ofwarren · 15/01/2020 23:19

I would only let him have supervised access from now on. I would be furious.

MissPepper8 · 15/01/2020 23:20

Disgusting, that's not OK anything could of happened, drinks should be the last thing on his mind when looking after his child. The other thing with this is, what if DC had an accident or was unwell and he needed to get him to a and e? It's just sad.

My DH parents once holidaying left DH the age of 3 in the hotel room, awake in a pen to go have dinner and drinks across the road at night. DH got out of the pen and ended up wandering around the hotel halls crying. The manager luckily was quick and found him and located his parents.

Yeah they won't be looking after my kids any time soon..

Mrskeats · 15/01/2020 23:20

Terrible decision
Supervised visits only now

sofaandchoc · 15/01/2020 23:22

@Zzzz19 yeah when I was a kid all the parents did it. We went to a holiday camp and they had a warden walking round and if there was a kid crying they would call out their room number so the parents can go and see to them. And My mum wonders why it's difficult for me and DH to get out of an evening 🙄

Ginfordinner · 15/01/2020 23:22

Who are the 5% who think this is OK?

stophuggingme · 15/01/2020 23:22

Could the hotel help?
Tell the police
Tell social services
Try and get him to admit to it again
I would do all I could to hang him out to dry for such an abysmal dereliction of duty.

Your ex is a piece of shit.

Nothappy83 · 15/01/2020 23:25

Seeing all replies makes me think I am right, thank you all. Issue is he has him 3 nights a week at present... So not sure what to do. As my son would be very upset not to stay at daddy's. He literally thinks the world of his dad, which is what makes this all the more sad 💔

Maybe I should ask a family solicitor for advice? If he truly acknowledged what he had done & his mistake -- but he hasn't just says sorry but don't worry "he was never in any danger" and I'm just like infuriated when he says that because he bloody was!!

OP posts:
Mirandaqueenbee · 15/01/2020 23:28

Don't let him go again unsupervised simple

Nothappy83 · 15/01/2020 23:28

I could perhaps ring the hotel and ask them how far room from bar etc? I've got it all on what's app his confession. Just wary of what to do next as my little boy dotes on his dad and is very emotionally reliant on the relationship. But I'm not happy at all, really at a loss of what to do.

OP posts:
Nothappy83 · 15/01/2020 23:30

Wow! So crazy that was the norm. I couldn't relax not knowing if kids were ok, I always say looking after means "looking" 🙈😣

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 15/01/2020 23:30

15 years ago this was pretty acceptable.

It certainly wasn’t among people I know. And I was not impressed with the McCanns making out that it was.

OP that is dreadful, I’m sorry he’s a neglectful dad. Yes, I’d speak to a solicitor.

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