To not invite this boy over for play dates because of his mother.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

My son is five years old, in Year 1 at school and he has five good friends. All of us moms get on well too.

Our sons do various activities together (sports and other things), we all go on group trips our together and maybe once a month us moms go out together to socialise child-free.

Anyhow, one of the mothers is lovely but quite materialistic (and likes to show off about things) and about six months ago I was round her house with my son as we were preparing to take the boys swimming and she told me that she doesn’t let her son go to anyone’s house (for a play date) unless she has been inside the house herself and looked around it to make sure it’s suitable for her son to spend time there. She told me a tale about one house she’d been in and there were some stains on the carpet and that the bathroom hadn’t looked like it had been cleaned recently and so she wouldn’t let her son go there even though he was really good friends with the woman’s daughter.

I have never invited her son to my house for this reason. He is the only one out of my son’s friends that I haven’t had over to play.

Of the four other friends, this week I have two of the boys coming over after school and next week the other two boys are coming over.

The woman in question cornered me in the school playground this morning and said she felt very hurt that I was excluding her son from the play dates.

Rather than skirt around the issue I told her that if she was only going to allow her son to come and play depending on her judgment of the quality of my house, as opposed to how long she and I have known each other (18 months) and how well our boys get on, then it wasn’t something I wanted to be involved in. I was polite to her about it but I still wanted her to know how uncomfortable I felt about her judgements of others.

She looked furious and stormed off.

But I’m not BU am I ?

Ok, I feel bad that her son isn’t getting invited round when the rest of the boys are, but why should I allow her into my house purely so she can look around it and make an assessment as to whether it’s suitable enough for her son to be in?

That’s not normal behaviour is it?!

Great update. I'm glad it's worked out for the boys.

Amazing update OP!

I'm really pleased - for you & the little boy but also for the batshit friend as your honesty & straight approach has caused her to think about her behaviour & in fairness, decide differently.

Hope it has all gone well! Fair play to you 🙌

Great result for all OP!

One word: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3789963-To-ask-what-the-weirdest-thing-you-experienced-or-saw-at-someone-elses-house-when-you-were-a-child

Well the boys had a lovely time!!

As expected it was the boy’s father who collected him. I let him in the house, even up the stairs to the living room whilst I went to retrieve his son from wherever they were playing.

About an hour ago I got a text from the mother, thanking me for having him and that he said he’d had lots of fun. She also apologised for all the mess we’d found ourselves in and hoped we could put it behind us.

So yes, I’m feeling much happier and I’m glad I can now involve her son in the play dates at my home.

A nice ending for all of us

That's lovely smiles all round!

Fab

That's a great update!

❤❣💕💞💓💗❤❣💕💞💓💗💟Love This Update

Thanks everyone - it’s always nice when there’s a positive outcome to a horrible situation.

Hopefully his mom will realise now that she can loosen the reins a little and trust people she knows to look after her son for her. Here is hoping it’s the start of something positive for both her and for her son

This is so great OP. And so much respect for you for being clear, and honest as that's this ultimately got resolved. 🙌

Lovely update OP. Great example of holding your boundaries and still maintaining respect for the other person. Glad it worked out for you and the boys.

Positive update OP for all sides In this difficult situation. I’m glad you stood your ground on this initially as you were not being unreasonable. I’m also glad the other mum reconsidered her own behaviour and how this was impacting on her own child.

💐

@QueenofmyPrinces I think you've handled yourself very well and stuck to your boundaries which can be so hard in situations like this. While I also like to know where my children are going, I think the fact you've been friends for 18 months and met partners is more than adequate.

I wonder if she has some huge insecurities. Maybe she grew up in a very dirty home, or has some OCD tendencies. She reminds me of one friend and one great aunt I had who grew up in squalor and it became something they brought so much into their parenting and "keeping their children safe".

As for judgment, you are best away from it. I had one parent tell my daughter play dates would have to be at their house since they have and I quote "a much nicer, bigger house which means it's much more fun". They had 1 dd, a spotless house that could have been in a magazine, and are all miserable. By age 8 their dd was in therapy, parents in and out of court with awful threats to one another, and dd at 11 now has no friends at all. My dd is very nice to her and tries very hard but the stuff that comes out of friend's mouth "my mother says...." at school just keeps her so isolated. It's a very sad situation all round. In that case her mother grew up in a council house in Scotland and disowned her family when she married a wealthy man. I think there's always quite the back story.

Just read the update, that's so wonderful @QueenofmyPrinces! So glad for her little boy who is HER responsibility in terms of his happiness, but so happy for him. Well done for being the bigger person!