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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for a financial contribution?

307 replies

Drivingmecrazy105 · 14/01/2020 19:26

A colleague of mine recently became unwell and has unfortunately had her driving licence removed. We both live in the same town about an hours drive from our place of work and she has asked me if I can drive her to and from work, every day. There is public transport available but it is infrequent and unreliable and no one else in our workplace who lives locally. She doesn’t live on my route and I have to drive in the opposite direction to and from her home. Every week this adds over an hour to my driving time.

Now whilst I am happy to help, colleague has not offered any sort of financial contribution to help with petrol or the extra time it takes me to drive past my own house to take her home. Her own husband also works from home but doesn’t help out, even by bringing her to my house to save me the daily detour.

WIBU to ask her for a financial contribution? And if not, what can I do to make the conversation less awkward?!

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/01/2020 16:06

FWIW I wouldn't actually want a contribution in case it created an entitlement, as in "well I'm paying you aren't I?"

Nothing wrong with helping someone out temporarily, but when it gets like this it's often time to step right back

user1485851222 · 15/01/2020 17:34

As long as you pick up & drop off, she will let you. Her husband works from home, either he drops and collects from yours, ( but he could be collecting her late, so then she's in your house, waiting). Or the husband drops her at work and collects her, whilst she is unable to drive. People will take advantage. I pick someone up, it is now expected and if I haven't arranged, I then get a text the night before. I would say, I helped in the beginning, but I'm unable to continue, unfortunately it is adding x-amount of time to my commute per day and costing me x in additional petrol...

ittakes2 · 15/01/2020 17:41

I think you are being super kind - too kind - she is acting entitled which is such a shame as she is so lucky to have you.

M2B19 · 15/01/2020 17:49

I’m going to go against the grain and say you shouldn’t be asking for petrol as you’re going that way anyway, what you should be asking is that her husband drops her and collects her every day to save you the extra work of having to drive past your house to get to hers. If they will not agree to this then it’d be reasonable to ask for some contributions then as you’re continually going out of your way to do it.

eddielizzard · 15/01/2020 17:50

Just the fact that she hasn't offered, and she's happy for you to drive out of your way without any thought for your well being tells you that she's a CF and will take whatever you're willing to give.

I personally would stop and tell her that after x date you won't be able to do it anymore. It really isn't your problem, and you don't have to justify your decision. Anyone could see that it's hugely inconvenient.

UYScuti · 15/01/2020 17:50

she is stealing 7 hours a week from you
fuck that shit

myusernamewastakenbyme · 15/01/2020 17:52

@M2B19 why should the colleague get to work for free whilst it costs the Op whatever it costs her in petrol...what a ridiculous thing to say !!!

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 17:54

It’s not 7 hours a week, where did that come from??

puddleduckmummy · 15/01/2020 17:54

I would either say she contributes to petrol money if you’re picking her up. But I wouldn’t ask if she gets herself to and from yours as presumably that isn’t adding anything on to what you would be doing yourself? But it’s cheeky not to offer and just expect a lift from door to door

Lippy1234 · 15/01/2020 17:57

Having the woman in my car for 10 hours a week would do my head in, I love time to myself.

iolaus · 15/01/2020 18:01

I would probably not ask for money IF she either made her own way to and from mine - or I picked up/dropped off as part of my normal route

Localocal · 15/01/2020 18:11

I think you can ask for half the petrol cost, definitely. And I am surprised she is not offering to get to yours in the morning. Can she not cycle to yours and leave her bike there? A six minute drive sounds like a 10-15 minute cycle.

letmebefrank · 15/01/2020 18:13

give her an end date if you don't want to do it.

And be clear if she complains: you don't pay for car insurance, petrol, car maintenance and parking out of your own pocket so someone else doesn't have to. That's for your benefit, not hers. She hasn't even managed to get her sorry self to your house, but instead expects you to add mileage and time to accommodate her every day at both ends of the commute!

Just tell her it's not working for you. sometimes you have appointments, like to be able to go places after work, etc, and you don't want her relying on you. Especially since she's clealry taken the piss up until now.

SayitBeit · 15/01/2020 18:15

Tell her to meet you at your house every morning and ask her to gwt her DH to pick her up from yours.

A1m19999 · 15/01/2020 18:15

Hi I can offer from the point of view of someone’s who’s been in the position of not being able to drive due to medical reasons. It’s like having your freedom snatched away and is really isolating and frustrating especially if public transport is not great. So what you’ve been doing is absolutely amazing and kind and I’m sure she really appreciates what you’re doing. I know I couldnt believe how kind everyone was to me. However if this is more than a one-off then absolutely you should ask for petrol contributions. I would be mortified if someone was going out of their way for me and were pissed off they were out of pocket. To be honest I would have thought she would have offered but please ask as maybe her illness is making it so she’s not thinking things through normally? Also ask if there’s anyway she can get lifts to yours to make it easier- again she may just not have thought of this

madcatladyforever · 15/01/2020 18:16

What a nerve, why can't her husband drop her off and pick her up?
She isn't able to drive anymore so no longer has to maintain her car, pay tax, MOT and petrol so if she wants a lift from you then she needs to pay half the petrol for the entire trip and contribute towards the MOT for the extra hour a week of driving and half the tax.
If she doesn't want to do that then her husband can take her to work.
Don't let this woman take the piss in this way.

ferrier · 15/01/2020 18:16

Umm, I think it would actually be her workplaces problem if it's a medical need that prevents her being able to go to work without provision being made? Disability is a protected characteristic that her employer would have to address.

Exactly. Which is why it's HR that should be informed, despite a PP's Hmm at my suggestion Hmm

FelicisNox · 15/01/2020 18:18

Why is her husband not taking her?

He should at least be dropping her to yours and picking her up as it's out of your way.

Just explain you're driving out of your way and it's costing x amount extra, so can she pay the cost or ask her husband to drop off and collect from yours each day?

Be direct and don't feel guilty, if she kicks up then decline to take her.

She's the CF not you.

Highonpotandused · 15/01/2020 18:19

@A1m19999

I would be mortified if someone was going out of their way for me and were pissed off they were out of pocket.

Shouldn’t you be mortified that it wouldn’t occur to you that someone is out of pocket whilst you benefit from free lifts?

FiandB · 15/01/2020 18:19

As someone who lost their licence last summer due to epilepsy I think you would be absolutely reasonable to ask for a contribution. I offered this immediately to the friend who is currently driving me even though helping me is much more convenient than your situation (she lives on my road and passes my work, 15 mins away). When she refused the money I’ve tried to do nice things instead like sending flowers and babysitting to show my thanks. Depending on the situation you could suggest your colleague looks into the government’s Access to Work scheme. It helps with petrol contribution or taxi expenses to keep a person in work where health situation outside their control has lost them their transport option and no other sensible public transport option exists. Once you’re accepted it lasts up to 3 years.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 15/01/2020 18:21

Seems like Op's colleague is not the only CF !!!

beautifulstranger101 · 15/01/2020 18:23

How to approach it?
Yea mate, as from tomorrow there's no more lifts. And if she persists tell her straight it's not your problem, he can do it. Then just ignore her tell her to fuck off

This. You arent obliged to be her free taxi, if you no longer want to do it then tell her its no longer convenient and you cannot do it any more.

If its just the money thats bothering you then bluntly tell her "I cant afford to continue driving you an hour out of my way without you contributing to petrol costs. I just cannot afford it".

Then the ball is in her court

TheReef · 15/01/2020 18:23

She's absolutely taking the piss. She needs to make it as easy as possible for you and put the least amount of stress on you. If that means her dh dropping her off and picking her up from your house then so be it.

She needs to contribute AND not moan or complain if you're unable to take her.

FiandB · 15/01/2020 18:24

In addition there is a government tax free allowance of 5p per mile claimable by colleague passengers in mileage claims- is there any way she could claim this from your employer as part of the adjustments to her working conditions? (Then pay it to you)

beautifulstranger101 · 15/01/2020 18:26

You can't just sack someone because they've become unwell

Who said anything about her being sacked? whilst at work it IS the responsibility of the employer to accommodate any disability but it is absolutely NOT the employers responsibility to organise her transport to and from work.

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