Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a financial contribution?

307 replies

Drivingmecrazy105 · 14/01/2020 19:26

A colleague of mine recently became unwell and has unfortunately had her driving licence removed. We both live in the same town about an hours drive from our place of work and she has asked me if I can drive her to and from work, every day. There is public transport available but it is infrequent and unreliable and no one else in our workplace who lives locally. She doesn’t live on my route and I have to drive in the opposite direction to and from her home. Every week this adds over an hour to my driving time.

Now whilst I am happy to help, colleague has not offered any sort of financial contribution to help with petrol or the extra time it takes me to drive past my own house to take her home. Her own husband also works from home but doesn’t help out, even by bringing her to my house to save me the daily detour.

WIBU to ask her for a financial contribution? And if not, what can I do to make the conversation less awkward?!

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 15/01/2020 12:14

I agree with EllaPaella and waitinginthewings, but ask for money.
I wouldnt worry about the extra half a mile either. You'll probably end up with her waiting in your house for her husband to come.

PenelopeFlintstone · 15/01/2020 12:16

How long have you been driving her so far?

JosefKeller · 15/01/2020 12:18

Do you want to keep helping OP?

Do you want - to pick her up/drop her off every day? Ask for money
Do you want - her to make her way from and to your house? Still ask for money

Do you want to help 1 or 2 days a week - still ask for money!

First figure out what is convenient and acceptable to you and go from there. Don't make it a regular arrangements if i'ts inconvenient. Even with a financial contribution the on-going 1 hour wasted would drive me nuts.

Dogno1 · 15/01/2020 12:27

She really needs to address it with work not rely on you. If she can't drive for medical reasons (say epilepsy), and the bus isn't a viable option. Then occupational health need to do a consult with her and work out what needs to happen. I've heard of taxis' being part subsidised before and/or working from home. This is not your problem to solve.

IntermittentParps · 15/01/2020 12:31

I agree with Dogno1, it should be work worrying about this, not you. It's a pity you've started driving her without having either this conversation or one about a financial contribution.

JosefKeller · 15/01/2020 12:32

She really needs to address it with work

It's not her workplace problem how she commutes!
Especially if public transport is available, but even so, she accepted her job knowing where it was.

Dogno1 · 15/01/2020 12:41

Umm, I think it would actually be her workplaces problem if it's a medical need that prevents her being able to go to work without provision being made? Disability is a protected characteristic that her employer would have to address.

Appletreehouse · 15/01/2020 12:46

Haven't read the whole thread but if it's a disability that has resulted in her licence being revoked then has she seen the Access To Work grant scheme. A colleague of mine gets a taxi to work every day with funds from this scheme
www.gov.uk/government/publications/access-to-work-factsheet/access-to-work-factsheet-for-customers#what-youll-get

JosefKeller · 15/01/2020 12:48

when the OP is unavailable, apparently she can make her own way by public transport. She just doesn't want to, and the OP noticed that the colleague didn't like paying for the bus. Nothing about disability whatsoever.

Too many CF taking the piss in this country. If the job is no longer suitable, she is free to look for another one.

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 12:51

and she’s had to get public transport home and I can see her not being happy about paying when she has to get the bus.

Yeah, no shit! She's got muggins transporting her in comfort for free. Grow a backbone! Go with Will's or crosspelican's posts and stop doing this. You say it's indefinite, so she needs to take responsibility and sort out her transport. Don't suggest alternatives or bloody PIP; stop making this your problem.

She's not going to offer you a penny, she's entitled and CF and you don't want to do it.

It's cheeky AF not to offer.

Kez stop being such a wally! This twat is costing you money.

Sunshineandflipflops · 15/01/2020 12:52

I haven't read all of the replies but where I work, we have a car sharing scheme where you put your commute details in and if anyone goes the same way at the same time on a regular basis they can request to car share (either taking in turns to drive or getting/giving a lift).
It is down to the individuals to work out payments, etc but a colleague who car shares gives a lift to someone who doesn't drive under the understanding that if colleague has another commitment after/before work then the car sharer sorts themselves out (usually at least a days notice given) AND they pay £1 per journey (so a lift to work and back one day would cost them £2).
They also have to meet my colleague at a pick up point on the way.

Your colleague is taking the piss big time!

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 12:53

I think it would actually be her workplaces problem if it's a medical need that prevents her being able to go to work without provision being made? Disability is a protected characteristic that her employer would have to address.

It's the workplace's problem if her medical needs prevent her from doing the job in the workplace, not to cover their bloody transport to and from. Hmm

Sunshineandflipflops · 15/01/2020 12:54

I personally don't car share as I live a 40 min drive from work and as a single parent, that is my 'me' time to listen to music/podcasts or just not have to talk to anyone! I would as a one off but not on a regular basis.

Dogno1 · 15/01/2020 13:01

Yes, but this sounds like a new disability that's happened. It's still her employers responsibility to work out what's best. You can't just sack someone because they've become unwell 🙄

OlaEliza · 15/01/2020 13:02

How far from you does she live if it only adds an hour a week?

That's just over 10 mins a day, so roughly 5 mins each way.

Why can't she walk to/from your house? How long would that take her?

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 13:03

It's still her employers responsibility to work out what's best. You can't just sack someone because they've become unwell 🙄

It's their responsibility to work out what's best for her in the workplace, not sort out her transport. That's nothing to do with an employer.

Mangoandlimes · 15/01/2020 13:06

I'm actually really shocked you'd be happy to do this. It's very nice of you, but are you really happy to make this commitment for the long term? In your shoes, I would probably say yes, but only if her husband drops her off and picks her up from yours so that you aren't spending any more time commuting than currently.

I would also make it very clear that she needs to be happy to either go to work/leave work at the same time as you every day - if Eg you need to leave early one day, it is up to her to sort herself out.

Otherwise you'll just get really resentful of her I think - you really need to value your own time, esp as it sounds long term.

IntermittentParps · 15/01/2020 13:14

It's the workplace's problem if her medical needs prevent her from doing the job in the workplace, not to cover their bloody transport to and from
Maybe read up about Access to Work?

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 13:21

Maybe read up about Access to Work?

Why should I? That's the CF's problem to deal with the employer if need be, not the OP's. The OP's problem is she's being taken for a ride, literally.

ZenNudist · 15/01/2020 13:33

So many mean people who won't help out a colleague. If you are happy to keep doing it then do but she shares petrol cost. Just agree a rate each way (half the taxi fare?) And then charge that ahead of time. If you have the odd journey that she has to get a bus she knocks it off the next month.

And she should walk to your house or even better somewhere en route that doesn't mean her hanging around in your garden.

Also say you will review in 3 months.

IntermittentParps · 15/01/2020 13:39

Why should I? You brought the subject of transport up Confused

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 13:43

So many mean people who won't help out a colleague.

So many CFers guilt-tripping and shaming others into doing something they don't want to do. It's not helping out if it's indefinite. That's being expected to be a permanent form of transport.

If you are happy to keep doing it then do but she shares petrol cost.

She's already said she's not happy to keep doing it.

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 13:44

You brought the subject of transport up

No, another poster did. I responded Hmm.

JosefKeller · 15/01/2020 13:47

So many mean people who won't help out a colleague.

"helping out", that's one thing.
That's a temporary solution for example, which is fine.

A CF permanent arrangement that is being a lot of expense and inconvenience for the driver, when the colleague is being chauffeured from door to door, for free, for an indeterminate length of time... that's beyond helping!

WHO is helping out the OP here?

OurChristmasMiracle · 15/01/2020 13:59

I don’t see how it would realistically work long term with annual leave and sickness etc, it could really become a pain

I would tell her “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to continue to give you lifts long term as it doesn’t work for me, so (next) Friday will be the day”

It’s honest. Gives her time to sort something else out and doesn’t cause any upset. It also doesn’t give her the option or going “oh I don’t mind coming gym with you, I could do my shopping at the same time etc”

Swipe left for the next trending thread