To ask for a financial contribution?

[Drivingmecrazy105]

A colleague of mine recently became unwell and has unfortunately had her driving licence removed. We both live in the same town about an hours drive from our place of work and she has asked me if I can drive her to and from work, every day. There is public transport available but it is infrequent and unreliable and no one else in our workplace who lives locally. She doesn’t live on my route and I have to drive in the opposite direction to and from her home. Every week this adds over an hour to my driving time.

Now whilst I am happy to help, colleague has not offered any sort of financial contribution to help with petrol or the extra time it takes me to drive past my own house to take her home. Her own husband also works from home but doesn’t help out, even by bringing her to my house to save me the daily detour.

WIBU to ask her for a financial contribution? And if not, what can I do to make the conversation less awkward?!

The reason our lords and masters get away with not sorting stuff out is usually because us nice people sort it for them... Your colleague is disabled from driving, that means she can no longer access her job. Does any government agency spend any time helping her find a way of doing her job (and thus paying tax etc...)? No. They leave it to her to find some sort of way out completely unsupported. Putting you in an embarrassing situation, and probably her too. Ridiculous un-joined-up thinking.

it's a problem if I want to go shopping or see a friend after work. I prefer having the flexibility, sorry

I like this explanation. Say you're missing the flexibility.

I wouldn't ask for her to be dropped off/picked up from your house. It raises too many problems, she's running late, her husband's running late to pick her up etc, so in the middle of winter when it's raining/snowing you probably wouldn't leave her standing outside so have to start inviting in etc it just opens an unnecessary can of worms. Its lovely you want to help out but I'd just be straight to the point amd say im more than happy to help you out until the end of February to give you some time to get things in order, but I'm sure you can understand it's not viable long term as I'm not always going straight home after work/annual leave/ sick days etc so it's not practical for me but I'm happy to help out in the short term.

She is an adult. It is her responsibility to get herself to work and back, most other people manage. Not your job

She lives 3 minutes away as the 6 minutes extra per day includes picking her up and collecting is that right?
If this were me I'd happily take her to work and back on the proviso that she found her way to your house in time in the morning and was prepared to make her own way home from yours after work.
Personally I wouldn't ask for petrol money in that scenario as I'd be making the journey anyway. But it would have to be on my terms on the understanding that she was always at yours in time for you to leave, no turning up late.
I'd also say to her that occasionally she might have to make other arrangements as sometimes your plans might change at short notice. What is she doing now when you take a day off or are ill and stay at home?

Wow you sound really kind to be doing this but I think she's taking you for a mug.

Be careful if you ask for her to be dropped/ collected to/ from yours as she sounds the type who would happily arrive early and sit waiting or be collected late eating into YOUR time.

Maybe offer 1 or 2 days (for money) if you aren't comfortable stopping completely.

Also, don't presume she will pay you because if she's not already made an offer (I'll pay you when I get paid suggestion) I doubt she will at all.

I hope I'm wrong but sounds like she's taking the p*ss.

Stop being a fucking doormat !!!
At the very least tell her that you will not be collecting her anymore.

She took the job when she was able to drive. She's now unable to drive, public transport is unreliable and presumably her husband is unable or unwilling to take her. Telling someone who has just had their license revoked for health reasons (which must be pretty life changing) that they should just sort themselves out and not expect any favours is a bit mean imo. Asking for a contribution is not unreasonable.

I think PanemEtCircenses is very reasonable. If there was no extra cost/time there would be much less to think about. But also very reasonable to point out that you will eg be away for 3 days at the end of the month, and you won't always be able to let her know in advance - you might have flu, or anything, and she needs to think of other plans

She is not your responsibility!

You either need to say "I've worked out your co contribution for travel, it will cost as amount for your lifts"
Or
"While I was happy to help shirt term you need to find a permanent solution to YOUR transport problem, I often like to do x after work and am unable to do this while ferrying you about"

Whilst her situation is unfortunate, it is not your burden. “In sickness and in health” her husband should help her or at the very very least bring her to you and offer, beg you to take half the financial costs.
An hour out of your way is many many hours of your life. Don’t do it.

I can see her not being happy about paying when she has to get the bus
Well if she isn't happy about paying BUS FARE then you already know what her attitude will be when yo ask her for petrol/wear and tear money.

we are colleagues, not friends and this is an indefinite arrangement
So you have ZERO obligations/duty/loyalty etc to her.
Pass the responsibility back onto her and she can take it up with her employers if she's having difficulty getting to work.

If you choose to continue doing this, then it would be wise to change your insurance to business insurance - as it now involves transporting a work colleague for work purposes.
That way, if you're ever involved in an accident and she sues you for injuries - you'll have the correct insurance to cover you and won't have it declared invalid when they realise.
Of course that will cost more than your current insurance.....
The cost of giving her lifts should include, petrol, wear and tear on your vehicle/maintenance costs as the extra mileage will add up over time and you'll be in for an MOT/service check a lot sooner than usual.

She is NOT going to be happy about paying you - and you know it.
Don't even allow your employers to offer to reimburse 'some' of the costs (if it ever comes to that), your personal time, peace of mind and freedom to do what you want when you want is too precious to put a price on.

I've known people to say "I need my alone time on my drive for mental health reasons" Nobody can argue with that!

At the end of the month ask her if this is a long-term arrangement. If she replies yes, then say you would like her to contribute £x per week/month to your petrol costs for the rides to and from work.

Personally, a few minutes out of my way twice a day wouldn't bother me. However, if it is really an inconvenience then ask for her to be dropped off and picked up by her husband. Or at the very least dropped off so she isn't waiting at your home for her husband to come collect her.

Ask her to get her DH to drop her to yours and collect her in an evening. As well as contributing to you fuel costs.

This. Plus if she is waiting til the end of the month to contribute get a text from her confirming this.

You said the key message OP, this isn't manageable longterm. So tell her "I have helped you out while you have had time to adjust to not driving, but it's not practical for me in the long term as I have things to fit in enroute. I'll help this coming fortnight, but from date won't be able to anymore".

Two week's notice would be really kind and she can't complain after that!

I'd get her husband to drop and collect from yours. I'd say a time I was leaving and stick to it. If she's late then husband can drive her the whole way. If he's late collecting then she can start walking home and he can pick her up on the way. I'd also ask for a petrol contribution.

I'd make it clear that I was happy to help as long as it doesn't put you out at all and you share the financial petrol benefit. But I'd make it clear that if it started becoming an inconvenience then it would stop.

It can be done with clear boundaries and be mutually financially beneficial. But stick to those boundaries.

Tell her your car is off the road and her Dh will have to drive you both in

Perfect ...

@sillyscrabblegames suggestions are good, do that.

And whatever you do, I'd disrupt the arrangement sooner rather than later - the longer you leave it the longer she will assume that's the status quo and the more awkwardness and difficulty you will have ending it. Have "an appointment" often, or car trouble and need a lift from her hubby, or declare "mindfulness mondays" = driving by yourself to cleanse your chakras.

When I started to read the thread I felt sorry for her - poor health can happen to any of us, and in her shoes I'd hope somebody would help me. But reading on that she's never offered you petrol money or to get to yours, and that her husband drives and works from home AND that she had the cheek to look annoyed that she had to pay for a bus... yeah, my sympathy is waning.

I think now might be an excellent time to start that new years resolution to join a gym 😉

Also forgot to add If she previously had the money to run a car to work every day and back, petrol, tax, insurance, maintenance surely she can afford public transport with the money she's now saving. Harsh but true. Also as others have pointed out she may be entitled to a travel allowance.

If you don't want to give her lifts it's fine to stop.
She can get her DH to drive her, take public transport, move closer to work or get a different job.

Plenty of options and this is not your problem to solve. She has also been a CF thus far so I would personally not be continuing this arrangement and would give zero fucks.

Just say you didn't mind helping out but if she wants to continue car sharing then she will need to split petrol costs at least especially as you are detouring to pick her up.

Just say that while you were happy to help out for a short time, you are finding it inconvenient and restrictive. You are not a taxi service. It is nonsense of her business what your plans are - whether you want to go straight home / to the shops / to the gym / to a friend's house.

My DH has just had his licence suspended with a brain tumour, if he needs to go somewhere then I take him - that's what partners do !

Really surprised by most of the replies here. I lost my licence for health reasons some years ago- i had some very serious health issues and the loss of my licence was incredibly hard to deal with. I lived half hour from work by car but 2 hours by public transport. I'd have to be out of the house before 6 each morning- spend over an hour on a really horrible platform every day and only get back after 9 at night. Hubbie worked from home. He was very abusive (though no one around me knew this at the time) and I wouldn't have dared asked him for a lift. I was saving up to leave him. Luckily I had amazing colleagues who all went out of their way to help me. Several gave me lifts...gave up way more than an hour of their time a week. Honestly I dont know if I offered money at all. I was going through so much, so depressed- life was awful. I was also frightened that I might die (my health was very bad). One colleague gave me a flask of hot chocolate most mornings, another drove me around at lunch whenever I needed!). Honestly- without those amazing people I think I could have ended up ending my life that year. This was a long time ago. Obviously mine was an extreme example but seriously, it's nice to be nice. Losing your licence is an awful thing to happen. She might be a colleague now but might become a friend if you treat her as a friend. Absolutely ask for money (nicely) but don't refuse to give her a lift when its only few minutes of your time each day. She's probably getting over shock of lising her licence. Might be scared of using public health (I was- due to health issues). Might not be that wasy for you but much harder for her. Not her fault. Its nice to be nice.

I definitely wouldn't make this a permanent arrangement. Just say you're willing to offer lifts every now and then (if you are of course) but it's a bit too much of a commitment to , essentially, be responsible for getting another person to and from work everyday.

I just couldn't be bothered with the stress of trying to factor another person into every day situations. As other posters say there's so many occasions where I think "oh I'll do x , y or z on my way to/ from work". In the nicest way possible , it's not your problem.

Not your responsibility to get her to/from work and it sounds as if she does already have a way to get to work (her husband) but prefers to take the piss out of you instead. I had this with a work colleague a few years ago, stupid cow even managed to smack my car door against a wall when she flung the door open without looking properly. She never once offered any contribution to my petrol costs.

It absolutely amazes me how grown adults expect their colleagues to get them to and from work. It's not your problem!