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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a financial contribution?

307 replies

Drivingmecrazy105 · 14/01/2020 19:26

A colleague of mine recently became unwell and has unfortunately had her driving licence removed. We both live in the same town about an hours drive from our place of work and she has asked me if I can drive her to and from work, every day. There is public transport available but it is infrequent and unreliable and no one else in our workplace who lives locally. She doesn’t live on my route and I have to drive in the opposite direction to and from her home. Every week this adds over an hour to my driving time.

Now whilst I am happy to help, colleague has not offered any sort of financial contribution to help with petrol or the extra time it takes me to drive past my own house to take her home. Her own husband also works from home but doesn’t help out, even by bringing her to my house to save me the daily detour.

WIBU to ask her for a financial contribution? And if not, what can I do to make the conversation less awkward?!

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 14/01/2020 23:32

She's saving whatever she was paying before to get to work such as petrol. She absolutely should be offering a contribution

Chocmallows · 14/01/2020 23:36

Waitinginthewings you sound lovely and your colleagues giving you hot chocolate could probably see the level of stress that you were under. This colleague sounds ungrateful and entitled.

Nikhedonia · 14/01/2020 23:37

No way I would go this! Would drive me bonkers.

Speak to her about it, ask what her plan is for getting to work in the future. See if she's considered any other options and if not, she needs to start paying

TW2013 · 14/01/2020 23:43

I totally agree that she should get to and from your house and contribute to petrol, however is it really the best environmental option to get her husband to drive four hours a day (there and back morning and evening), just to avoid car sharing.

If I were her I would either look for a new job or new house.

Thinkingabout1t · 14/01/2020 23:56

You're being too kind, OP. Definitely ask her to come to your house and be picked up there in the evening. If her husband can't or won't do it, she needs to get another friend to do it. Her responsibility, not yours. She should also pay a contribution towards your petrol -- ideally half, as you're saving her a ot of money.

QuiteForgetful · 14/01/2020 23:57

"Co-worker, we are trying to cut down on driving more than neccessary, so you will need to make other arrangements for transportation after this coming Friday."

rosesandcashmere · 15/01/2020 00:09

It must be very difficult for her. However, I would be minded to ask her for a minimal contribution. I would offer it the other way around, probably more than expected as I would be so grateful.

ferrier · 15/01/2020 00:14

Ooh .... I wouldn't like this arrangement at all. I like my quiet driving time with the radio on loud and just my thoughts to occupy me.
I'd be having a word with HR.

bank100 · 15/01/2020 00:23

I don’t want to do it at all

No, I don't think I would want to either. As you say, she's not a friend.
I personally need the drive to work alone time in the morning to psych myself up, wake up and sort of adjust, before reaching the office.
I think she is quite cheeky for asking this of you TBH!

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 15/01/2020 00:30

I did a school pick up and drop off that entailed similar extra drive time as you for a few weeks. The parent had surgery so obviously i wanted to help but it was a tie as had to drop child off first if needed to go anywhere else.
I really wouldn't want to be going out of my way to pick up if there was no end date in sight.

GabsAlot · 15/01/2020 00:37

How was this indefinite arrangement made if your just colleagues-did she ask did you offer?

Just explain its not working for you you have places to go after work-let her dh do it

Dieu · 15/01/2020 07:16

Sitting hairs over driving 5 minutes out of your way to pick her up, that seems petty to me. Definitely ask for a contribution towards petrol though.

JKScot4 · 15/01/2020 07:40

have a word with HR
Really? I despair of MN at timesHmm

BonnesVacances · 15/01/2020 07:59

If you haven't discussed money at all, it's not cricket to hit her with a retrospective bill for the lifts. You could say you'd appreciate something towards you going out of your way every day.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 15/01/2020 08:09

I used to find myself in these situations quite often when i was younger...I'm 45 now and would probably give colleague a lift for a week or 2 but make it clear that was it....whilst the colleagues situation is awful it is not the Op's job to find a solution.

Highonpotandused · 15/01/2020 08:16

@Kez0777

I have the same as you, I don't go out of my way but I do take someone to work and back most days. I have never dared say anything and not feel it's too late to ask for a contribution. It really annoys me that it cost me £60 a month to travel for work yet they get to do it for free!
So before it's gone on too long ask for half. It's only fair and you are also saving them the hassle of getting the bus.

It’s not too late Kez! Stop being a mug!

thatonehasalittlecar · 15/01/2020 08:17

By all means ask for cash and get her to meet you at yours or a point on the way, but car pooling is a fantastic way to reduce unnecessary journeys & pollution. You’re doing a kind thing for her and the planet. 👏

Heymummee · 15/01/2020 08:26

I would just tell her she needs to make it to your house in the morning and make her way back from there in the evening. She can either walk or her husband can drop her off/pick her up. I would then say that it’s only fair for her to contribute to petrol costs whilst you are taking her. It’s not unreasonable at all, if I was being given a regular lift I wouldn’t dream of not offering so it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise. If she doesn’t want to contribute, then she can make other arrangements and your problem is sorted, if she’s happy to then you may feel less resentful about it.
Have you broached the subject of what will happen if you’re off sick or on leave? The money conversation is another good opportunity to mention it.

FlashingFedora · 15/01/2020 08:32

Sitting hairs over driving 5 minutes out of your way to pick her up,

But it's not just 5 minutes extra driving. OP is having to spend 2 hours extra every day with this colleague on top of her working day. There is not a chance in hell I would do this, my driving time is the only peace I get all day. I'd just tell her you have things to do before and after work and it's too limiting, surely that must be the case some days anyway, I often have to stop off at shops/post office etc on the way home from work. Give her a weeks notice if you want to be nice.

Highonpotandused · 15/01/2020 08:32

Why are people still guilt tripping the OP into continuing this when she has said she has realised how ridiculous this arrangement actually is?

Kez0777 · 15/01/2020 08:37

@Highonpotandused
I know I'm being a total mug and this post has made me pissed off all night 🙈
I commented this morning how I wasn't putting the heating on as it already cost £60 a month to travel to work and all I got back was "oh!"
I wouldn't even know how to broach it now.

Bluntness100 · 15/01/2020 08:37

Yeah this isn't ok.

What's your prefered solution? Is it money or her husband drops her at yours? I would go for the latter purely because if she pays then you're beholden. What do you do, refund her on days you can't do it for example?

I'd speak to her and say you really want to help out but you need to discuss how it's going to work, and then say you require either her husband to drop her at yours or money and give a reason why, ie you're skint or it's taking uou and hour round trip etc.

Highonpotandused · 15/01/2020 08:43

@Kez0777

I know I'm being a total mug and this post has made me pissed off all night 🙈
I commented this morning how I wasn't putting the heating on as it already cost £60 a month to travel to work and all I got back was "oh!"
I wouldn't even know how to broach it now.

Kez, they’re not embarrassed at getting free lifts while your struggling to pay for heating, so why are you embarrassed?

They’re a cheeky fucker Kez.

If you don’t want to have the conversation in person, just text them something like:

‘[X], Finances are really tight and I need you to start contributing to petrol costs for the daily commute. If you want to continue to car share, I will need £30 from you on the first of each month. If you no longer want to continue the car share arrangement, that’s fine.’

Forestwitch · 15/01/2020 08:46

Of course she needs to contribute! She's taking the p*ss.

whatnow40 · 15/01/2020 08:54

I've not read the full thread. Just popped on to say she should be able to apply for help with the cost of getting to work, through Access to Work. This can be the cost of taxis or a financial contribution to someone else who drives her there.

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