To be so anxious about driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Or more specifically, parking and manoeuvring.
Passed my test last May
First time pass and took my time learning
Never hugely confident and looking back,?I feel I was eased into the test a bit too much and not fully prepared for 'real 'driving.
Didn't drive at all after passing as no access to a car.
Stupidly went out a bought a pretty much new car in Sept. Thinking id get straight out there all of a sudden. Wrong.
Crippling nerves.
Worried about not being able to park.
I dont have trouble with my left or right but big trouble visualising how I'm.actually going to manoeuvre into the space.
I'm also anxious that i may need to reverse on a busy street and i wont be able to do it or I will rev the car too much and hit something.
I know I need to practice but I live in a very very busy area and nowhere is quiet to try.
All car parks are busy.
Any advice off how to safely practice?
I haven't driven the car since Dec as I feel I don't know what the hell I'm doing .

Perhaps you need a couple of refresher lessons from an instructor.

Can you take an experienced driver with you? TBH I hate parallel parking on a street so just avoid choosing those parking spots. You really need to keep driving, take some lessons if you haven't got anyone who can come out with you. The more experience you get the more confident you will become. I'd start with small journeys on quiet roads and build up.

You don't learn to drive when you're building up to your test, you learn far more afterwards. You just need to drive. I used to go out in the evening when it was quiet. I did motorways, parking, various manoeuvres on my own.
I recently changed from an automatic to a manual, having not driven a manual since my test four years earlier. It took me months of driving every day to get into it. I prefer it now, and I really loved my automatic.
I think you are expecting too much from yourself. A few refresher lessons might help you get back into it again.

I've had 2 refresher lessons and I can't work out whether they were helpful or not! The instructor said I need to keep practicing but I don't feel safe let loose on my own practicing !it's not like I'm on private land!!
He kind of pushed me which made me very anxious
I went to 2 extremnely busy car parks which i would never ever do in real life.
He had to talk me through all if the parking-steer to the left bit more to the right etc
I'd love to go out at night and try but to my shame,I've never driven at night so is this wise?
I'm ok driving in quiet or even busyish roads and parking in the street(residential) but I don't think I cpcould uld negotiate a proper car park.

For now I would aim to drive every single day even if you don't park just drive around your local area even for 20 minutes. Start to work out the busiest times and quieter car parks. Would any of your friends come with you? I never got on with an instructor and was much better with my mum in the car.

You don't really learn to drive until after you've passed your test. It's perfectly normal to be worried about it to start with.

What you need is practice, practice, practice.

As a general rule of thumb it takes 10,000 hours practice to be really good at anything. Driving is no exception.

As Candles suggests, get out every day if you can and give yourself time to build up your confidence. You'll get there.

No idea op but i feel you. I passed my test 8 years ago! And have driven once last year with my old instructor and he told me to get a car and practice. Now im looking for a cheap car but i learned a manual and dp is learning auto so we need an auto car and ive not driven one before. Nerves are awful.

I agree with going out everyday, even if it's just round the block. Try going out early Sunday morning, you should find a quieter supermarket carpark then.

Get some more lessons if you can afford to, then force yourself to practise everyday even if you just drive round the block and park in the same spot.

I'm the same and I passed 9 years ago!! I have no spacial awareness at all. Can you believe that since I've passed I haven't reverse parked once? I just drive in to spaces and if they require reverse parking I park somewhere else. Not ideal I know.

For general driving, the only thing that helps is practice.

To practice parking, find an empty car park after hours (business parks / industrial estates are good for this). Take two large empty cardboard boxes with you to act as 'other cars' and practice parking between / manoeuvring around them. Obviously not for a windy day when they'd blow away, but it lets you practice without the risk of damage to your own or other cars.

Maybe look into NLP which can be excellent for something like driving nerves.

GeePipe I learned in a manual and now drive an auto and I wouldn't swap back for the world. Many instructors offer automatic lessons if you feel that would help but from the day I got behind the wheel of an auto I loved it in a way I never had with a manual.

What about a Sunday morning before the shops open? Car parks are emptier then. Do you find driving in to spaces easier, or reversing in?
Try the far end of a car park so it’s quieter as well.

Can you go out with your partner or whoever in the car? Then you could practice but with the comfort of having an experienced driver who could tell you if you were about to do something really daft.

Automatics are easier than manuals, though I hate them with a passion myself, that's why if you pass a manual test you can drive either but if you pass in an automatic you can't drive a manual.

I learned late, and after eight years, I'm still not confident parking in tight spaces - I'd rather park further away and walk further. I still hate driving in the rain at night. I am pretty confident with the rest though - it does come gradually, as you do it more.

Try a different instructor for a bit more refreshing? You need someone who will have the patience to help you keep practising until you can do it without being talked through things. I never realised how bad my first instructor was until I had my second instructor, who was much better. The second instructor took me out after my test in my own car, so he could advise me on things which were different to his.

Are there any local business parks/industrial estates whose car parks are emptier at weekends?

Before I could drive, I had shared lifts to a hobby with someone else. After I passed, I gave him lifts instead, and he did a lot to help me gain confidence. As autumn progressed, I was eased into driving in the dark gradually. If you can find someone to come with you, that might help - maybe someone who would appreciate a regular lift to the supermarket or something like that.

You'll only learn by practicing. Your refresher lessons were they in your car or an instructors? I was starting to feel pretty confident (driving just over a year) when I changed cars to something much much bigger and went back to square one but I'm getting there. I make myself go out often to get used to it and I feel no shame in parking far from the shop where it's not busy and I have loads of room.

I think it’s quite common. I was a nervous learner and kept failing my tests because my nerves would be too much and I’d make silly mistakes, even though I could drive perfectly fine when it was just a normal lesson without that ‘exam’ atmosphere.

After I finally passed I bought a car but was nervous about going out on my own in case I got stuck at a roundabout for ages with a queue of honking traffic behind me, or had to parallel park as people waited etc.

But then I got invited to 4 weddings and 4 hen dos over the year, all in far flung corners of the UK, all people I cared about and couldn’t turn down – mostly in venues not accessible by public transport. So I had to drive to them. Hundreds of miles each, motorways, A-roads, complex roundabouts, country lanes, driving at night, driving early in the morning, driving in rush hour. It was intensely stressful but afterwards it just sort of clicked, I’d driven so much in such a short time that suddenly I felt more comfortable and relaxed. I could do this because I had done this! Exposure was the only way to learn, and I’m glad I did.

Just keep going OP, and challenge yourself – it’s the only way to learn.

Definitely go out at night, but not on a day like today. Go out on a clear, dry, bright (as possible) night with no chance of ice and have a go. Car parks will be decidedly quieter then. Supermarkets are best. You can then at least get out and have a look and see how close you are to the lines. Once you've learned how long and wide your car is and where the bonnet and boot end, it is so much easier. I can park my car with about half an inch to spare at the front now, which isn't bad considering the end of the car is totally invisible when you're sitting in it (ridiculously long BMW bonnet!). I did however figure out where the end was by a couple of little bumps along the way!

Or as a PP has said, just go out for 20 minutes a day just driving around your local area. Avoid parking for now, but regain some confidence in just feeling in control of the car. It's second nature to me now, but I remember vividly the feeling of panic getting in the car to begin with.

Be kind to yourself though. Don't expect to be perfect. There are no such people as perfect drivers.

My driving instructor taught me really well but when I was a passenger in the car with him, he scared the shit out of me! My dad was a driving instructor and once crashed in to my car in the driveway because he "hadn't seen it". I scuffed my wheel the other day by taking a corner too tight and I've been driving for nearly 25 years!

Once you start getting more confident you'll soon realise the world of opportunity it opens to you far outweighs the niggling doubt about how well you can do it.

What kind of car do you drive?

Some are easier than others and there is a huge difference between petrol and diesel.

Also, do you have your seat and mirrors positioned properly and are you comfortable? DH drove my car this weekend and tweaked the seat and mirrors fractionally to suit him. Normally he doesn't bother as we are the same height and have the same length legs but as it was a long drive he needed to adjust slightly. Made a massive difference to my driving yesterday before I tweaked them back.

Thanks everyone
Sorry I've been busy plus frantically googling driving videos
My plan when I learned was to actually do a short drive everyday
However reality was it was more like once a week.
The thing is I'm ok with driving local round my area and beyond really and parking on a residential street.
It's the other stuff

I think I lack co ordination and spatial awareness,hence how difficult it is for me to actually figure which way or how to steer into a space.
I had issues as a learner too.
The refresher lessons were with another instructor.who thought my general driving was ok but was a bit perplexed at my parking etc
I could go out with someone else and I've had offers but I think I will be more flustered particularly with dh who is a very experienced driver and doesn't get it.
Every day I say tomorrow I will go but but then I talk myself out of it.
All I can think is what if I end up on a road where there is some obstruction or roadworks.and I have to reverse or turn round
I physically wont be able to carry it out.
I.do need a quiet place to just practice on my own but it's finding one.
I guess Sundays is my only hope but i work a lot of sundays.
Car parks I can deal with later I suppose

It's just awful. In.my mind I'm taking dc out to the seaside!!

My car is a v. Small.city car

I was going to suggest a couple of refreshers but if you’ve had them...As people say, practise every day. Go out at times the roads are quiet. Plan specific journeys (increase the ambitiousness of these) and talk yourself through them. Avoid parallel parking until you have someone in the car who can talk you through it. Good luck.

You need to keep pushing yourself to drive, it will get easier but it takes practice.

Take confidence that by passing your test first time (a real achievement) you’ve demonstrated that you have the skills aplenty. You’ll be amazed how much more confident you’ll be after a week or so practice

actually figure which way or how to steer into a space

DD has this issue - she found it difficult but I put it down to being 16!

Anyway I brought her a toy car with a working steering wheel, so she could play with it in reverse and ‘park’ this little car. It really helped visualise the way a car moves into a space .