To be so anxious about driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Or more specifically, parking and manoeuvring.
Passed my test last May
First time pass and took my time learning
Never hugely confident and looking back,?I feel I was eased into the test a bit too much and not fully prepared for 'real 'driving.
Didn't drive at all after passing as no access to a car.
Stupidly went out a bought a pretty much new car in Sept. Thinking id get straight out there all of a sudden. Wrong.
Crippling nerves.
Worried about not being able to park.
I dont have trouble with my left or right but big trouble visualising how I'm.actually going to manoeuvre into the space.
I'm also anxious that i may need to reverse on a busy street and i wont be able to do it or I will rev the car too much and hit something.
I know I need to practice but I live in a very very busy area and nowhere is quiet to try.
All car parks are busy.
Any advice off how to safely practice?
I haven't driven the car since Dec as I feel I don't know what the hell I'm doing .

I hate myself
Its upset my evening

Ah Greta, can u not get ur husband or a friend to sit in car with u & show u how to reverse out of drive, when to turn wheel etc. Don't be disheartened, keep trying. Try again in the morning. It doesn't matter if u are in the road for a bit, take ur time, other drivers will go around u or wait. It just takes practice, do not give up, u will be able to do it.

Greta - I feel for you so much reading this. I passed my test about 4 years ago and after a couple of years struggling with acute anxiety, I gave up. I just don't trust my judgement enough to be behind the wheel.

My biggest regret is that I don't drive. I feel like I am failing my dc because there are so many clubs and activities that I can't take them to. It upsets me so much.

I would love to get an automatic car, but DH, having watched me try and give up so many times is not on board - he loves out manual car.

Reading this thread has given me a little bit of hope that I might be able to get there one day.

I would say keep trying in the most manageable, easy way you can. Even if it's just practicing with your DH for a bit longer - just don't let go of the skill, like I did!

You need to stop giving a shit about holding up traffic for a few minutes. I can totally relate because I used to get very anxious about manoeuvres in traffic, but I've noticed that actually there are just times when you have to stop and wait for someone and times when people wait for you. I passed about 7 years ago, in my early thirties. I'm confident now, after lots of practice. Take it slowly when you're reversing, gives you lots of time to correct errors. You can do this.

Thanks all
wonder
I wouldn't give a shit about holding up traffic if it was just that i was slow. But literally I'm stuck ..like I'm clueless.

badmoon
I get you
Automatic is a trillion times easier for sure
However, manoeveres are manoeveres and they are still confusing to me.
I'd like to say go back and try but I'm a fine one!

fanny
I don't know if I can go out in the morning
Unless it's the crack of dawn, then it will be busier than tonight. My road had traffic from v. Early.
Do you think the issue was my handbrake??
I cannot have dh help me.
He's supportive but getting tired of this as its just ongoing.
Plus be doesn't get it as he's driven for years. His family alĺ drive. His female siblings are confident and drive big cars.
I'm over thinking as usual but he comes in the car with me at this stage he will either comment to me and knock my confidence (small chance).
Or more likely,comment to someone.else that Greta hasn't got a clue and I will feel a fool.
No one in my family to help. One sibling constantly keeps asking if I'm using the car which is winding me up.
Ditto work colleagues.
I just say yeah it's fine thanks.

You can go out , there is nothing wrong with the handbrake it's your confidence and anxiety . Please listen to the advice you gave been given and keep going out . Get someone to sit with you when you move your car . You don't need to ask dh to move it just ask him to sit with you for reassurance. Don't rush it just remember it step by step . You must be able to do it or you wouldn't have passed your test .

Also you seam worried about people laughing at your reluctance to drive . You are going to have to move past that show them .
I remember when I passed my test and struggling to park in work car park and a colleague said oh we were all watching you park . I though that was really shitty but I kept driving and after that they didn't care . Remember everyone starts somewhere. If you give up they will give you more hassle .

Hi Greta. I'm sorry you had trouble backing off your drive. Really, especially if your road is busy, the car should have been reversed on and you should have driven forwards out into the traffic.

Is your road busy at 3am? Why not try driving then?

Imo it's only practising that gets one driving more confidently. Please don't give up. Could you take Bach's remedy to help you?

username
No I know nothing wrong with handbrake I'm just thinking did i find it difficult moving because I'd left it on?
I reversed fine straight but then couldn't steer left. Car was stuck in neutral I'd done something wrong but don't know what?
judgejudy I know I should have reversed on but I haven't attempted that! I will never drive on again that's for sure. Easier in short term but not long-term.
This had messed up today as now I can't go supermarket shopping yet again.
I'm going to have to do online shop.

No i don't think road busy at 3am although I did get up in night for toilet and I heard cars
I think I'm seriously going to have to do this though. Plus i need petrol asap. This is another anxiety inducing event.
Think I need to try self service pump at stupid o clock.

username I'm just and tired of people asking if I'm driving and having to explain yet again
So now I just say yeah, I'm fine!!

Do self serve petrol pumps and asda open 24hrs

I can't risk holding up more people with my sheer incompetence.

What you are feeling is normal. But you are leaving too big gaps where you don't drive. You must just go out every day, even for 10 minutes and just drive.

It is after you pass that you learn to drive. It will become second nature, it will become like walking. But you are bound to be anxious at the start.

I have been driving for 14 years but in all that time have never had to reverse park. I did it in my test but not once since. I drive up and down motorways but reverse parking makes me anxious! I've recently moved and now live at the end of a 2 mile single track road. I need to learn to reverse into passing spaces in the dark so I'm going to get some lessons. At the moment I avoid driving at night as I'm just terrified of reversing in the pitch dark. So even experienced and confident drivers get scared!

Just drive.

moving house
Thanks
And I agree
My gaps between each drive are like a week or more.
Thing is,this week,in my defence, I was planning to go out. Weather has been bright and nice and there were a few places i needed or wanted to go.
The issue has been the car on the drive and daytime too busy to get off drive!
So everyday I've not been able to go anywhere as there.is the huge battle of reversing off which is worse than the actual driving.
When I finally get it off the drive I'm never putting it there again. Ever.

Honestly you have this built up into something waaaaay bigger than it needs to be.
Don't let all the lessons and passing ur test be for nothing.
Put car in reverse gear, reverse out the drive, go slow, cars will stop. Full lock the steering wheel, left hand down then straighten up as you drive off going right. If by some chance u live in Fife I will come & help u.
You can do it, everyone does daft stuff when they first pass, get some P plates & put on car. Don't overthink this, u passed ur test, u can do it, don't let that be for nothing.

On the petrol station bit, I didn't have a clue, I just asked someone to help me, said I'd just passed test & never done it before.
Folk want to help, it's not embarrassing, just have a laugh about it, ur only learnings. People are more understanding than u think.

Thank you fifer.
Unfortunately I couldn't be any further than Fife!
I know I've massively over thinking It but I've built it up now to an enormous issue.
If I'd put more effort in when I first got the car, I'm sure I'd be pretty confident now.
I know the drive business and reversing sounds silly but it's this main thing that has given me anxiety.
The first few times that i pulled off I got stuck in road when there was traffic and this has panicked me.
I get that people generally are nice and patient and have a duty to wait just like people wait for them in return.
But this isn't waiting while i just do a tricky manoevere, its waiting while I actually gain control and figure it out. Like a learner but without the instructor.
The one time it was a bit like last night but worse.
I was stuck and couldn't get car in gear.
I blocked the road. I honestly thought I'd have to just get out of the car.
Woman waiting wasn't sympathetic
She glared at me as clearly I had no clue .
Same with petrol. Don't mind asking for help generally but as a woman in her 40s I look a fool with regard to driving. People don't expect women my age to be new drivers

When I do something daft and stall or that I just look confused & shrug at the waiting folk as though my car has broken. 😂 Honestly don't give a shit about other people, who cares.

I learned at 40, I'm still learning 6 months later but I'm getting there.
Just tell husband tonight to reverse car out for u then don't get stuck like that again, or u not got any nice neighbours that wld do it for u?
Come on we are women in our 40s I've gone past caring what anyone thinks.
You can do it, u can. X

Gosh, this is appalling - I can't believe the number of people telling the OP she just needs to practice and everyone else on the road needs to wait for her, encouraging her to create such a terribly dangerous situation.

The OP is a liability in a car who can't undertake a simple manouver like reversing off a drive, or even moving the car once she's done it. She has no idea how to get the car in gear and she has no idea which way to turn the steering wheel to go in the direction she wants to go. How on earth did she pass her test?

OP - please do not ever get behind the wheel again. I don't know what's wrong with you that you can't do such simple things but you're clearly a danger to yourself and every other unfortunate road user that happens to come across you.

Listen. Ask your husband to get it off the drive for you tonight. Then leave it off the drive and park elsewhere. Similarly, get him to take you to a petrol station and show you how to get petrol. He fills half while you watch. Then you pay for half a tank. Then you fill the other half tank while he watches. It is easy once you know how. My driving instructor taught me to do it actually.

If he wont help you with this then your problems are far worse than driving anxiety.

Coffeeandcheese surely you remember how nervous you were once you passed your test? Jesus Christ your post was nasty and unnecessary.

More dangerous are the drivers who don't indicate, who tailgate, who are in the wrong lane, who middle lane hog, who overtake on motorway slip roads boxing you in, who drive with high beam on.... I could go on.

No, what's nasty and unnecessary is someone like the OP getting behind the wheel of a car when she openly admits she has NO idea which way to turn the steering wheel, and that she thinks she's going to over rev with the accelerator and plough into people. That's absolutely bloody terrifying. She should not be allowed on the road if she can't do these very simple manouvers - it's only a matter of time before she kills someone.

Sure you were absolutely perfect at driving immediately when u passed your test coffee eh, If only we could all be as bloody fantastic. Anxiety makes these things difficult, getting ur confidence up is what helps.
OP passed her test so obviously not a dangerous driver, just lost her nerve a bit & needs some practice.