To be so anxious about driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Or more specifically, parking and manoeuvring.
Passed my test last May
First time pass and took my time learning
Never hugely confident and looking back,?I feel I was eased into the test a bit too much and not fully prepared for 'real 'driving.
Didn't drive at all after passing as no access to a car.
Stupidly went out a bought a pretty much new car in Sept. Thinking id get straight out there all of a sudden. Wrong.
Crippling nerves.
Worried about not being able to park.
I dont have trouble with my left or right but big trouble visualising how I'm.actually going to manoeuvre into the space.
I'm also anxious that i may need to reverse on a busy street and i wont be able to do it or I will rev the car too much and hit something.
I know I need to practice but I live in a very very busy area and nowhere is quiet to try.
All car parks are busy.
Any advice off how to safely practice?
I haven't driven the car since Dec as I feel I don't know what the hell I'm doing .

People are always happier to help than you think. Call your friend, ask her if she’s free for an hour or so, explain you’ve been struggling with finding your confidence driving and you’re worried you’ll get worse if you avoid it so would she please just keep you company for a bit?

Don’t obsess over the petrol stations! I just mean some are obviously in a trickier place and/or get busier - you must have sat in the car with your DH when he fills up, so just have a think about which ones you reckon would be better.

OP, I wish you lived near me! I'm a demon parker, and have helped several friends get over parking terrors.

For parallel parking, my top tip is to steer into the space until the approximate middle of the length of your car is level with the corner of the car you're parking behind, then start turning the steering wheel the other way to straighten up.

My second top tip is to make sure your door mirrors are in a position where you can see along the sides of your car, and keep checking all 3 mirrors. It gives you a good sense of where you are in relation to other vehicles and the road.

I have a neck problem that gives me dreadful pain if I keep my head turned to look behind me, and I park entirely using my mirrors. It used to freak my DP right out when I back into our narrow drive without looking behind me, but he does it my way now.

Also, some cars are just easier to park than others. My Mondeo had a really shit turning circle compared to other cars I've had of comparable size, but Audis and VWs are brilliant tight turners. And we have estate cars, which helps. The inside is as big as the outside and they don't have bits that stick out!

As you can see I hate driving. I can totally sympathise with your issues. I passed in a manual at 37 after over a year of lessons twice a week. Been driving 3 1/2 years now. Still hate it and drive on very limited roads. But I have to drive most days for my school run which is a few miles. I occasionally go to the local shop or a friends.
I have never driven on a motorway. Don’t drive on dual carriageways. Don’t do roundabouts (only minis). Don’t parallel park. Can reverse into a space but only in a very specific way and only when there are several empty spaces. Struggle going in forwards. Don’t put petrol in car, get husband you do it (yes, I’m crap!)
Mostly my journeys are ok but I can reach my destination at school and if my usual spots on the street are taken I have to pull up somewhere and panic and often ring my DP and try to calm down and talk through where I’m going to park.
To make things more ridiculous my DP is a driving instructor (he didn’t teach me I was already nearly test standard when I met him).
DP gives me tips on things and says I’m a good driver but knows my anxieties well and doesn’t push me to do things I don’t want to do. Despite other people telling me I have to go out my comfort zone and can’t possible continue driving like this, I have and I will. At the end of the day I have battled and found a way of doing the journeys I need to do. I stick to the routes I know and am comfortable with. I live in a city but know I will never drive into the city centre. So what?! I have a clear license and have never had a collision. I’m safe on the roads I am just limited in where I can go and what I can do. You can find your own comfort zone.
I think if I were you I wouldn’t park on my driveway initially. Could you park on a nearby side street?

Get some extra mirrors. My DP makes manoeuvres as easy as possible for his learners. He has 2 extra mirrors on each wing mirror. A little one to show the wheels which helps when parking. He also put these on my car. Here’s a link..

www.amazon.co.uk/360%C2%B0Rotatable-Mirror-Adjustable-Convex-Motorbike/dp/B07JFXQ2H9/ref=asc_df_B07JFXQ2H9/?hvlocphy=9046397&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310764720204&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos=1o2&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=aud-860528267405:pla-658896508314&hvrand=10016565717063585287

He also has these for the blind spot.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mirrors-motorbike-Degree-Adjustable-Universal/dp/B07T9LYV7Y/ref=asc_df_B07T9LYV7Y/?hvlocphy=9046397&hvlocphy=9046397&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvnetw=g&hvadid=375553008149&hvadid=375553008149&hvpone&hvpone&hvlocint&hvlocint&ref&hvpos&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=aud-860528267405:pla-804256507849&hvtargid=aud-860528267405:pla-804256507849&hvrand=10016565717063585287&hvrand=10016565717063585287&adgrpid=75109684925

Also he has stickers which label left from right for those with anxiety who panic and can’t remember in the moment. And some which give key instructions on how to manoeuvre eg 1 turn right, reverse etc. My instructor had a sticker halfway across the passenger window. If I needed to reverse park I would line this sticker up with the line 2 cars down from the space I needed to be in and then do a full left turn on wheel and reverse. This would line me up with the parking space as I came around to it. I still use this technique if I absolutely have to park in a bay.
Use stickers and prompts in your own car. It’s your space. Make it work for you.
Also consider that different cars have parking aids. So my DPs car has a reversing camera. Learners can use this even on test. It has beepers when car is getting close to something (mine doesn’t).
You can also get cars with auto park. In a few years all cars will have this (yay!)

PM me if you are in the East Midlands as DP would help you.

Thanks again everyone for reassurance and encouragement
Although my friend would come out with me and I may call on her yet,but I think I want to tackle the petrol on my own as I am planning to do it v. Early am.
This so totally ridiculous inknow, butbive turned myself into a Sunday driver (for now)
Couldn't. Risk today as way,way too busy.
So my plan is set alarm like 630 am when petrol station will be empty
So 2 plans: either local supermarket where there are the self serve pumps. Hoping no one will be there that early not even the supermarket staff as not open till 10am.

I'm presuming that they are open 24/7.
Thinking if I pull up to pump and I panic or a sudden stream of cars pulls up I can just drive off(not if I be started using the pump obviously).
Second option is a smaller station that is probably less busier but less pumps so potential for a queue but not sure when that opens. I need to Google that.
Just typing that i will do this in a few hrs is making my stomach churn.
Only obstacle is hoping DH is sound asleep as he will think I'm just setting my alarm and getting up for no obvious reason.
If I bottle it tomorrow then I will have to ask for help
I would ask DH tonight but that thought of that in itself makes me feel stupid and more anxious. Even more anxious than tackling it on my own.

hatedriving
I need your user name and i think you must be my twin?!
Added hilariousnous is your DH is an instructor.

Sorry I'm not laughing in a bad way !!!
Someone as bad as me.
Some, well a lot of what you are saying , makes total sense.
Stickers on window to line up to park is what my instructor did.
The extra mirrors I also had when learning. And a reversing camera.

I think I've got my mirrors ok and really it's more about technique at present rather than visual but I may still get mirrors.
Stickers no use at present as i wouldnt know where to stick them as guide.
I have parking sensors.
I'm not sure all the aids when learning have helped me now though, as they only worked for that particular car.
Also when I had refresher lessons the instructor seemed v.cross and said they taught pupils just how to know when to turn etc.
I really didn't want to be a driver with limits on where I go and how I get there,especially as I'm queen of navigation as a passenger!!
However, even a driver with limits is better than the type of driver I am at the minute-a non driver, so maybe I need to be realistic.
I'm totally obsessed now with watching people in the supermarker/school/work parking .etc.to see how they do it.
I just think "I wouldn't go there"
"I couldn't do that!"
So many people seem so bloody good dont they?

I’m sorry to say, but it’s just practice. I passed when I was 24 and only really did a bit of Sunday driving as I lived with my now DH who did all the day to day driving as standard. Then when I was almost 26, so about 18months later, I got a new job driving into zone 2 in London (lived out in suburban zone 5/6). It was a massive baptism by fire, but within a few months I had it licked. That few years driving to and from one of the busiest, built-up, car unfriendly places meant I could drive anywhere.

So make sure you go out every single day, go to increasingly busy places and larger roads and force yourself even if you don’t want to. I promise it will work.

Also rambling on but i think the reason i havent asked for help is I've left it too long.
Maybe if I'd had extra lessons as a learner with DH or relative.
Or even if I'd got my car and very next day asked someone to come out with me it wouldn't have been so awkward and embarrassing now
Would have been like new car/new driver kind of thing

Instead, I've been half tootling around and randomly having a drive here and there that its almost like the moment has passed.

Passing your test means you learn the basics of manoeuvring a car.

It doesn't mean you can drive.

Take someone experienced out with you or get some refresher lessons.

Good luck 😉

I realise I probably sound arrogant.

Don't mean to come across that way. I've been driving twenty plus years. I consider myself a confident good driver.

When I first passed I was a bit like you . It's important that you practice.

Practice as much as you can. You only learn to drive when you have passed your test and not before.

You'll get there but have faith. You passed because you can do it!

Good luck

Thanks
I'm all geared up to practice this week
Once I get over the petrol station hurdle
Which at the moment feels really daunting

You’ll be fine. Get up, go, fill up, bring a coffee or croissant home!

Remember it’s never too late to ask, the mommy hasn’t passed because people love to help, and are flattered you’d choose them when you’re feeling vulnerable. The vast majority of people don’t want to judge you or make things worse. Be honest - you’ve lost confidence and you need a calm person just to sit with you and let you get over the hump. Bet your friend would be happy to. Ditch the embarrassment and own your feelings / it’s OK to feel this way, you just mustn’t let it beat you.

Ok setting alarm for a stupid time maybe 6am and doing. It.
Thanks squirrels (and everyone else).
Should be an update by 8am

@Gretasmyname. Don't worry about the petrol station. You'll manage it somehow.

When I was filling up a new car for the first time I couldn't get the petrol cap off. The fuel warning light was on so I had to fill up. It meant I moved the car to the parking spaces on the forecourt and took 10 minutes to to get the petrol cap off. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help.

Looking forward to hearing how you got on .

Most supermarket car parks arent that full during the day and most are open well into the eveing

JB here has been on the road since 1970 and still isnt that good at reversing!!

One tip you rarely see these days just open the drivers door a little to see where the road markings are when parking if there are any.

I remember all my elders doing this back when i was a kid.

Practice makes purrfect:)

Okayyyy
Petrol station fail.
Not my fault
Problem last night with internet banking. System down so i couldn't transfer money from savings to debit card which i would need to use to pay at pump. I could not believe it !
Other cards I've got I can only withdraw cash. Obviously no good and it would meant waiting till later in the day when staff managed the tills rather than self serve and therefore that would = too busy.
Well i still set alarm for 6am hoping would be fixed. Woke up at 558
Tried bank and no joy
Tried logging in rather than banking app but no good either.
Was secretly glad as storm going on outside and was pitch black.
Thought it was another missed opportunity but then I decided just to do a bit of shopping. Decided to do asap so wouldn't spoil day.
Braced myself and went to big supermarket.
Parked at the back which was empty and I drove In and drove out. Didn't enjoy the shopping experience as all I could think was I've got to get out now and car park filling as by us Sunday shopping is as bad as Saturday.
It took me about an hour all in as I took a slightly longer route. Really should have been 40 min max.
I drove round the block a bit on way back as not much traffic. Just as bit more practice.Parked on the road (straight!).
Am now relieved the ordeal is over.
However,,I've still got petrol to address.

password
I would literally be overjoyed if you could still get your car filled at petrol station.

A win's a win.

I think you've climbed the biggest hurdle, making sure you've gone out. Especially in this weather. Well done.

Well done! Ask your DH to come with you to help you fill up. I bet he would be fine about it. Explain you need him for his debit card

Well DH has crushed me tonight and I certainly won't be asking to use his debit card!!
And I am so fucking glad that i haven't asked him to help with petrol or anything,full stop.
While we were having our dinner he killed it by asking:
"Are you leaving the car there?"
I was like: "well yeah it suits me. And its not illegal is it?"
He was like no but don't you want it moved (as meaning him move it).
Furious. And made me feel like a twat.

Ignore. Just insensitive and thoughtless. Don't let it take the wind out of your sails. Do you intend to go out tomorrow?

Well I'm at work tomorrow so probably not. Tues a shorter day so maybe a little trip but then I've got to tackle the petrol after that asap. And I am most definitely not asking him now.
I thought he understood how I felt and what I can cope with, bibut t he's just said you must be able to park it in X spot.
No I can't you idiot, that's why I'm doing what I'm doing.
For now at least.

Someone who will natter away at you to take your mind off things,

I really don’t think that OP would benefit from someone mindlessly yapping in her ear and taking her mind off things. She needs to concentrate, not be distracted.

I used to be the same, I passed and didn't want to drive but I just did it. You're more likely to crash being nervous. Just get in the car and relax, you passed for a reason. Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable doing, for example parallel parking. Get a refresher course

If you couldn't drive you wouldn't have passed. Just go and drive and with practice you will get better. I've been driving years and some days still can't park great.
Just look for the biggest spaces at first then eventually you will get into small ones.
Everyone is nervous at first.
If you don't drive you will end up with it becoming a thing and never do it, go out today and don't let it become a thing. X

I think you need to stop worrying about what other people think and just get on with it. You can do this. If you need to reverse to the right you turn the wheel to the right, and vice versa.