To be so anxious about driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Or more specifically, parking and manoeuvring.
Passed my test last May
First time pass and took my time learning
Never hugely confident and looking back,?I feel I was eased into the test a bit too much and not fully prepared for 'real 'driving.
Didn't drive at all after passing as no access to a car.
Stupidly went out a bought a pretty much new car in Sept. Thinking id get straight out there all of a sudden. Wrong.
Crippling nerves.
Worried about not being able to park.
I dont have trouble with my left or right but big trouble visualising how I'm.actually going to manoeuvre into the space.
I'm also anxious that i may need to reverse on a busy street and i wont be able to do it or I will rev the car too much and hit something.
I know I need to practice but I live in a very very busy area and nowhere is quiet to try.
All car parks are busy.
Any advice off how to safely practice?
I haven't driven the car since Dec as I feel I don't know what the hell I'm doing .

I'm sorry, but someone who has NO idea which way to turn the steering wheel is absolutely a dangerous driver. It's ridiculous that she passed her test without being able to understand something so fundamental.

Book some refresher lessons and ask to focus on parking and manoeuvres. You will never look back OP. Do it!

fifer
I'm normally very assertive and don't give a shit about most things to be honest.
Just this.
coffee
You are incredibly rude and unhelpful. I do know how to turn the steering wheel,silly.
Just find it difficult visualising it in my mind when I'm reversing off my busy drive which is in slope and backs into traffic.
I admit that manoeverung are a weakness but so have several other people in this thread.
I dont recall saying that I'm worried about accelerating into people and killing them though.
As for DH he will happily help me but it's a pride thing. Something I need to figure

And I see lots of very dangerous people by me every single day
Mobile phones used mainly by women it seems. Or the man I saw entering a 50mph road last week texting.
I need practice for sure but I'm not so cocky that i think it's ok to text and drive.

Coffee you make a valid point but she has past her test it's a confidence thing she can turn the car and manoeuvre it she just panics and thinks she cant do it .
Op you really must get someone to sit with you a few times . Stop with this stubborn pride thing because you are struggling.
You are making yourself worse by trying and failing. Later get dh to sit with you and talk through it and slowly do it . Remember to check mirrors .
It's either this , refresher lessons or give up which is silly .
If you don't do it now you never will .

@coffeeandcheese8765 I probably wouldn’t have said it out loud on here, but you definitely said what I was thinking. 🤭

I know people have different strengths in life but I just don’t understand how the poor OP passed her test in the first place and still doesn’t seem to know how to operate a car.

I wish you the very, very best of luck. Truly.

username
I've had refresher lessons which I didn't find massively helpful. Was reassuring that's all.
I think plan is I'm going to try again to reverse the car maybe the weekend. If i cant do it then I will admit defeat and ask my husband. Then take it from there.
coffee and whoever else said I'm not safe then maybe you are right.
Thing is when do you know when you should give up? I've read lots of posts on here with posters saying have been sick with nerves. Avoid certain things and struggle witg working after 20yrs. People who are still driving.
I'm still,in effect,a brand new driver. Although I passed my test last year I've only recently had a car and since having the car have driven independently less than 20 times.
Is that enough to say I should who
Will i one day love it and be great?
Just about tolerate it?
Or be crap and/or a nervous wreck forever?
Genuinely how will I know?

I really feel for you, driving can be a daunting thing. When I passed my test I got stuck at a junction turning right. It was a really busy road and I got in a flap and kept stalling. In the end my sister, who was with me, had to swap with me and drive out of the way! I also reversed into a bollard in the first week. I used to park as far away from other cars as possible. But after a while you do get used to it and your skills improve. I know you said your DP doesn’t get it but have you asked him specifically for help? I’m sure he’d want to help build your confidence. Do you get in the car when he reverses off the drive so you can see what he’s doing? That might help. I think as a new driver, you just have to accept that you’ll make mistakes but you will get better. If you end up holding people up on the road, that’s just tough bananas. You’ll get there in the end.

How was you during lessons , did you take a long time ? How was your test did you scrape through the test ?
Tbh it's really not possible to pass if you can't drive , you must of been test ready and been able to pass . Is it because now your on your own ?
It's quite difficult because we don't know you buy my advice is getting someone to sit with you each time you go out until your confident . I think your expecting to get in and it will be fine but you need help .

I was in a similar situation. I passed last March after 4 tests and didnt drive until I bought my car in June. I was wracked with nerves everytime I had to get in the car and would only drive with someone with me. As hard as it sounds the only way you will get more confident is to get out there and drive. I started trying by going to places i though would be less busy at the right times. Avoiding school run times and starting small and working up to longer journeys. I still worry about reversing out of a space so i only reverse park but have always asked for help if I felt too panicked. Take your time and try to get out as early as possible so you aren't building up the worry in your head all day. Good luck.

Greta - yes, it was the handbrake. Everyone has made a mistake and panicked, and the panic makes it worse.

Go out early for a week in a row. Set your alarm, and do it. A lovely drive about the block at 5.30am for 30 minutes, every day for at least a week. Practise reversing back on the drive, or just park on the road. It's not compulsory to park on the drive.

Petrol station: drive to a pump on the same side as your petrol cap. Pull up so the nose of your car is forward of the pump itself. You need to be able to get out, so pull past enough you can open the driver's side door. Take off cap (practise this at home so you know which way to twist). Lift pump handle, watch display set to 00.00. Put nozzle in tank. Depress handle. Fill up to what you need - £20? Stop pumping. Put it back in holder, put cap back on. Go and pay.

The only thing you will need to do differently is if you choose a "pay at pump" option, and then you put your card in and PIN etc before it will let you pump any petrol.

Watch this from a driving instructor:

Also - after I passed my test we had a courtesy car for a few days once. It wasn't long after I'd passed - a month or so? I was really nervous about driving it, it was new and different and I was worried. I had the kids in the car with me, and I stalled at the traffic lights. OK. Cars were understanding (I had a P plate). Then when the lights changed I stalled AGAIN. Oh my god. The sheer panic - and now the cars behind are distinctly unimpressed! The kids are worried because I am worried. I eventually managed to get it together on the 3rd pass of the lights and we all got to go. It was bloody horrid. The only reason I could keep getting back in the car was because I absolutely had to - there was no other choice to pick the children up from school every day. So I really understand, but you have to keep going and you have to keep telling yourself you can do it.

I like the way coffee says it's ridiculous that I passed my test. Like I fixed it or something.

I passed with 4 minors
Took a long time to pass only because I had massive gaps in lessons. Like months
I didnt count amount of actual lessons.
No lessons other than with paid instructor.
Passed theory second time only because first time I didnt.read up or revise.
Hated lessons although mostly they were uneventful.
Think I did a lot of driving-dual carriageway,lots of big roundabouts. Less on the manoeveres.

Oh and instructor wanted me to do test way before I did .I put it off and rescheduled twice also for other commitments.

Any joy today?

Hi fifer
No not really. Ive been at work so no oppportunity

Slight change though as when I got home DH had moved the car just because he needed to load the boot of his car.
So car now in prime position.
Next step is to fill up with petrol!!

@Gretasmyname you're an inexperienced new driver who hasn't built up their confidence yet. Persevere and you will get there. When you were learning originally, were you very nervous? You passed first time with four minors. You should be fine. As PP have mentioned it's been a while since you passed and you've lost confidence in your ability and the anxiety is taking over.

Believe in yourself. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT.

Do you have anyone (other than DH) that come out with you? Someone that is calm and zen like, that won't make you feel like you're under extra pressure?

You should be fine = you were competent enough to pass. Not trying to dismiss you're anxiety.

So are you going to get someone to sit with you over the weekend? It will make you feel better having someone to reassure you .
You passed your test because you were ready . The learning to park does take some time .

I hope you get out soon and it goes ok! Just take it slowly and keep telling yourself you can do it.

I passed two years ago and I'm quite a nervous driver still, although I'm much better than I was. It's mainly parking which worries me, I'm ok if I can drive into a space but when reversing I am like you and I don't know which way to turn the wheel. I know it probably sounds silly to most drivers, but it's like my mind goes completely blank and I panic.

I don't drive very often and when I do it's to places I'm familiar with, I know that both these things are not helping me! But at the moment I don't really NEED to drive so I've just been pootling along as I am.

Thanks all.
I've had people offer to sit with me but I'm still not sure about this one!
Couple of experienced friends but it will think make me more nervous as being watched all over again.
It's a bit like having a lesson.
I've heard people I know commenting about going out with newly qualified dc and saying found it stressful and didbt trust or geel safe with dc. Well I'm like those teenage kids!
All my friends have driven 20yrs plus. I think getting my shit togther on quiet roads in my own is best.
In lessons I was as nervous before and mixed during i suppose.
I relied in instructor for guidance a lot but equally had days when I sailed through lessons.
Dreaded manoeveres back then.

I've had people offer to sit with me but I'm still not sure about this one!
Couple of experienced friends but it will think make me more nervous as being watched all over again.
It's a bit like having a lesson.

I think it might help you. My DH is not renowned for patience and biting his tongue! But when I drove him around, he actually ended up giving me confidence because he said he felt safe, I was doing fine.

What you want really is the experienced friend who is really chatty and understands you’re not looking for guidance, just a soothing presence in the car. Someone who will natter away at you to take your mind off things, someone who doesn’t appear to be “paying attention” but who you feel happy enough to ask if you really, REALLY feel you need a bit of help. My driving instructor had a brilliant manner like this, she was great. Look into PassPlus with a new, friendly instructor. I really think you’d benefit.

Good luck with the petrol station. You’ll feel brilliant when you’ve achieved it. Choose one you’re happy to drive into and doesn’t have a tricky exit back into traffic.

I have got a chatty friend who would be suitable. I suppose I just feel foolish
I think dh although calm and patient would fluster me snd u think he would be itching to take over.

I've built all of this into some thing massive now.
I'm obsessed at looking at petrol stations now!
This is definitely my next big thing. I've got to fill up or next week will be another wasted week

I'm cross with myself as there's a storm on the way and there some lovely days this week when I could have driven and I didn't go out once.

I think*

I think you should definitely do it , today if you can . Do it plan a short trip out to the petrol station . Just explain to your friend you just need her there for reassurance and you want to do it yourself. She will probably encourage you to do it instead of giving up like you have been doing.