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He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

999 replies

clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:12

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

OP posts:
CassidyStone · 16/01/2020 15:30

OP I'm so glad things are looking up for you, you sounded so hopeless and lost at the start of the thread. I am glad you have reconciled with your DM. Will you be able to move in with her temporarily while you sort out some new accommodation?

Thinking of you and sending you strength Flowers

Redruby25 · 16/01/2020 15:33

Hi, I wish I lived closer, I would come and help, seriously. But in London. Gosh I thought my life had been bad/is bad, then I read others posts, and think god I really need to be more greatful for the good things.

Okay, was your baby planned? Only wondering because it might be adding to why you feel this way? Plus as you are saying you are a single parent and baby is only 4 weeks old.
I would agree with other posters and say yes if not Health Visitor then try to see your GP, you have in certain terms just had a baby, you will be all over the place.
And of course your own individual circumstances will not help. Of course if lots of the factors were different, you would probably feel a lot better.
I am not knowledgeable on what the circumstances are if you are a full time student, but I thought as that then makes working harder, that you would be entitled to something. The little bit of child benefit will help, and have you thought about ringing up for a Universal Credit, not being thick but assuming it works similarly around the country?
You are only 21, so although it is hard for you, please take some comfort from the fact you are still really young and have plenty of time to get yourself sorted and Life around having a little one. I was 38 when I had my first child, and although some thought it was great as I'd had so much life, it's actually worse in some ways. Where as think of it this way, by the time your child is in school you will still be only in your 20's. I am glad that you found Mumsnet and that we have places like this to come on to and find help.
The not being on benefits/then not able to get other help is ridiculous. As even those working who do not qualify for things, are then thought of as better off, and they aren't. They just didn't choose to claim or don't meet requirements, which is tough on a parent.

I know it seems like everything needs doing, but please do what has to be done, the other things can wait. The baby may well settle more when you are feeling better. Believe me there isn't always a natural instant bond. And my housing situation was crap too, of which I was torn apart on here for, as we were in a shared house. So please take comfort from the fact that if you have something self contained you are better off. But the 3rd floor situation must be very hard. Do you have any friends who can help, as you are at Uni so guessing that you might of made some friends. Also had a C section emergency one, so I know where you are coming from 100%! You have had what is considered a major operation, it's no walk in the park or the easy way out, as those I know who had a natural birth told me!
All of this has taken its toll on you, and you could find in a matter of weeks you feel so much better. But it is hard to think like that when you are currently going through this. So even if it puts your mind at ease, please seek medical advice/help, to get you through this stage. Sorry I've rambled a bit but hope some of it helps!x

Redruby25 · 16/01/2020 15:38

P.s the other thing is, as you are not in work to then get Mat Pay, could you find out from your local I think it would be at the Jobcentre ,about Statutory Mat pay, not sure how it works but thinking about things I have heard about at the time, when I was going on Maternity leave. I am still looking in to things myself for my own personal reasons in regards to the financial side of things, so if I find any more out about help and assistance, I shall let you know.

seriouslystressedoutmama · 16/01/2020 18:07

@clairindespair how're you feeling today Clair? Hope you are feeling supported and cared for by all the lovely comments on here (ignore the bad ones)

doremimimi · 16/01/2020 18:10

How did today go OP? Are you back home or still at your Mum's?

Is the Infacol still working its magic? The first thing I bought every week when I got my money was infacol. It was literally a life-saver. My aunt baby-sat dd one night and forgot to give Infacol before one feed and told me the next day - I see now why you were so adamant about the Infacol - we had a very unsettled baby for a while!

When speaking to the council be sure to tell them that you can't stay with your mother due to a break-down in your relationship. If they can fob you off on relatives, they will. You literally need to present yourself in the council offices, bag and baggage and with baby and some prepared bottles and camp out there for the day unfortunately. It's horrific, but it's awful. Maybe ask your Mum to take him while you do so if she will, but if not, they can't very well turf a new mum and baby out onto the street that night - so they'll stick you in somewhere. Unfortunately, again, it will not be idyllic, but you have to tough that shit out until they find you a more permanent place.

AlpacaGoodnight · 16/01/2020 19:35

You are sounding more positive op and that is a great first step. I hope you get housing and money sorted soon. And as others have said it does get easier. Just keep talking and asking for help when needed. Flowers

Jimineycricket · 16/01/2020 19:41

Just seen this thread and I can remember feeling very similar with my first. I jus wanted to run away without my dd. It does get better. Parenting is bloody hard. If more people were honest about it then it might be easier..

MadeFrom100percentPears · 16/01/2020 19:47

I just want to say that I really struggled with my son and I felt similar to you for the first eight weeks or so, and I didn't have as challenging a situation as you. Adapting to being a mother is really hard. People said to me it does get better and it drove me mad at the time as I couldn't see it happening but it did and I'm so in love with my son now. Things started improving for me at around 8 weeks and slowly got better. I hope it does for you too.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/01/2020 19:48

Do the troll hunters award themselves a gold star on their superiority chart every time they post? Mumsnet should start handing out temporary bans for troll hunting until people get the message that it's not allowed.

I hope you and your little one have had a good day clairindespair

raspberrymolakoff · 17/01/2020 09:04

Clair in despair I really hope the cruel posters have not chased you away. The vast majority of people on here want to support you. Most of us have been through some of what you're going through but not all at once! You've been given some good advice. Before you take out any kind of loan try every other option. I mentioned the single parents' charity Gingerbread the other day, they can give you advice on financial matters as well as supporting you emotionally and introducing you to other single mothers with babies, the support of others is so vital for every young mother in my experience.

Also you must be frank with the health visitor. Don't put on a brave face. When I had babies many years ago they were vital to me. I've been shocked how much less they are involved with my grandchildren but I'm told they are so overwhelmed they can really only do more than the basics with those in most need. LIKE YOU! The fact they're not prioritising you suggests they aren't aware you've been in crisis.
Make those two calls today, the health visitor and Gingerbread.

I hope your eviction has been deferred?
Have you gone through the process with child support to get a contribution from your baby's father? Whatever your relationship, or none, he has a responsibility for some support.

Come back on here when you're ready, there are lots of us here to hold your hand.

Juanmorebeer · 17/01/2020 09:43

Hey OP just wondered how you are doing today?

I forgot to say before that when you go to the docs with the baby if you ask for the infacol on prescription they should do it for you so you don't have to pay as if you are struggling at the mo financially you don't really need that worry on top of the formula costs as well do you. They can also do gaviscon, calpol etc and don't advertise it or like to do it much as it ends up costing the NHS more overall but in your situation I think using this system is fine so just enquire about it.

The last few days have been really grim weather where I am and lots off flood etc is it like that up north too? Not ideal when you are trying to get out with a pushchair!!! Did he manage to have a try in the sling yet?

mummumumumumumumumumum · 17/01/2020 12:36

I have been following this thread for days, I am so excited to see the post about you stroking his face @clairindespair. You have done amazingly well in your sleep deprived haze to get help from your GP and your mum and now it feels like we will all be there holding your hand whilst we get to watch you fall in love with your son. I am so proud of how you have carried yourself through this thread.

tearsandtiaras · 17/01/2020 12:45

I think you need to re look into benefits. .
As a student parent you could be entitled to benefits which you weren't pre baby.

BlueSuffragette · 17/01/2020 13:08

Here is a link to the support for parents in Tameside. It has some really good help and courses that could help you. Flowers

Parenting Support for Parents and Carers in Tameside
www.tameside.gov.uk/Surestart/Parenting-Support-for-Parents-and-Carers-in-Tamesi

JackMummy12 · 17/01/2020 16:33

Hope you are Ok, keep checking post to see how you are doing. Flowers

midsummabreak · 17/01/2020 21:36

Hope you are OK. Don't hesitate to see GP if not. XxFlowers

GoldLeafTree · 18/01/2020 17:16

@clairindespair how are you doing? Xx

RhubarbTea · 18/01/2020 17:33

Hope you're okay OP x

BlueSuffragette · 18/01/2020 19:11

Hope you are still getting support from your mum. Are you feeling any better OP?

raspberrymolakoff · 18/01/2020 19:22

Seems as if the bullies have chased away the OP, such a shame and they should be ashamed when she is so vulnerable.

NoSauce · 18/01/2020 19:27

Seems as if the bullies have chased away the OP, such a shame and they should be ashamed when she is so vulnerable

I doubt it. The OP seemed to be made of stronger stuff than posters have her credit for. Maybe she has nothing more to add? Maybe she’s doing ok at her mums?

raspberrymolakoff · 18/01/2020 20:22

I hope you're right.

wakemewhenitsallover · 18/01/2020 21:21

Maybe she's been busy dealing with her 4 week old and the council / housing association as she's being evicted!

Agree she's made of stronger stuff.

wakemewhenitsallover · 18/01/2020 21:22

But yes, the posters bulling her should be fucking ashamed of themselves.

lisag1969 · 18/01/2020 23:56

Hope she comes back. Been following the thread. Hope she is okay. Would like to see how she is getting on. Has she managed to get stuff sorted.
She was bonding with him. I think she was just scared and young. She will manage fine. Once she gets sorted financially. It was just adding extra pressure to her already feeling down. X

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