He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

Oh no! I remember DS having that at about the same age. Horrible. But you are in the right place and I’m seriously impressed that you are functioning enough to post on here with all that you are dealing with atm. Power to you.

His sats are stable at 98 and he is feeding well so I’m hoping we will be home tomorrow. Horrible seeing them so sick. Apparently is really common there’s another baby in here with the same thing x

Wow op you have really turned a corner even just the way you post..it's great to read!
Not so good about your little sausage but he is in the best place. Hope he feels better soon!

I've been following your thread, as soon as I read about the cough I thought I hope it's not bronchilitis. My DS was admitted to hospital with it aged 3 weeks, there were loads of babies in there with it. DS didn't need oxygen although some did. We only stayed one night and he was fine. I hope your little boy comes home tomorrow.
You are doing an amazing job and I hope things are really looking up for you now

Yes some people are so kind. So be kind to yourself too OP. Well done on surviving through a hard time.

Go champion Mummy, sorry your baby Ds is unwell with brinchiolitis, good he is feeding well Good luck with everything and get well soon little sausage !

They’ve give him some oxygen to help him breathe through the night but he seems okay and is feeding okay, I hope we get home tomorrow

@clairindespair just wanted to say you should be massively proud of yourself for managing as you have so far your updates are really encouraging to read...your obviously a really lovely caring mum who’s been struggling through a shit time. I hope things continue to look up for you with your financial and housing situation, and hope you start to feel better with the sertraline. It’s amazing what difference even a few hours sleep can make, isn’t it?
Ps well done for giving as good as you’ve gotten to the sanctimonious knobheads who have given you grief on here because you don’t deserve any of it.

Sorry to hear your DS is under the weather.
My DS has just got over bronchiolitis aswell. So many babies have it at the moment.
Hope you're feeling better and your little DS can come home tomorrow x

They said he could be home Wednesday. I’m so heartbroken

Heartbroken because he's coming home?!

Bronch is horrid OP.

DD has had it twice already this winter, once as badly as it gets (ventilator), once quite badly (5 days in hosp).

Crossing everything for a speedy recovery for your little one.

Hey 🙂 He will be fine, and you've taken him to the right place and they are all looking after him to help him get better. They won't send him home until he's ready, so just relax. He will bounce back, you'll see. Babies might be small, but they are sooo strong. And he's a smiler, bless him! You taught him how to smile 🙂 That's come from you.

I'm so glad you are taking those moments with him and just being with him and looking into his eyes and stroking his little face. Hands too - try stroking just the top of his hands, brushing the back of them - he will love that. And see how cool he is! His tiny nails, his legs kicking. He is full of excitement and wonder at what is going on, and you're in the heart of it. In his heart and eyes and smile ❤️

He's yours. And you are his. I'm so happy you know that now. You've done so good. And are doing and will always. And isn't it so much better now he's started smiling and is learning how to let you know he's happy? He just needed a bit of time! He's got everything to learn.

Hope you get a nice place - great you can start choosing! 👌

Well done! 😘xx

Clair - don't be heartbroken, he will be fine and lots of people miss bronchiolitis to start with! One of my friends missed it for several days and was SO upset when she took him to the doctor's and it was diagnosed - he ended up in hospital for over a week.

The important thing is that you sought the help he needed, he's in the right place and is getting better, and you've proved beyond doubt that you ARE a great mum!

Op I was in with ds over Xmas with what was actually pneumonia even although they said bronchiolitis at start, hosp is awful place to be with a baby. I felt like I was losing my mind stuck in one room after a couple days. Do u have anyone with u?

OP I just wanted to say that I think you’re amazing and really inspiring. Carrying on when life is great is easy but I find it so impressive when things are tough And people turn things around. You have really inspired me.

Not posted yet. I hope he gets better really soon OP, so glad he is in the right place.
What a rough start you have both had, I think you will go on to be a wonderful and capable mummy ❤️

The change in you from the start of this thread is incredible, well done you!!

My DS is 6 months and has just got over bronchiolitis. It’s horrible to see them so poorly 🙁 I hope he’s home soon, plenty of TLC needed for both of you xx

Thank you everyone. He’s still on oxygen and they’re saying we could be in until Thursday or longer, I hate how they tell you the worse case scenario I’m so worried. However his doctor said his chest sounds clear just abit crackly

Poor baby🌷🌷🌷🌷but lucky to have such a lovely mummy caring for him

Have they done an X-ray?

Yes they’ve done one just waiting for results however the doctor said his chest sounds clear just phlegmy
He is pissed off he’s on 70ml of milk every 2 hours opposed to his big bottles.

I’m so worried I just want to take him home and keep him safe forever

You are keeping him safe, @clairindespair - you are keeping him in hospital despite how scary and worrying it is for you. You are putting his needs first - like a good mum does, and like you have done ALL the time, from day one.

Do try to get some rest yourself, even if it's only curled up on a chair, and if you can leave him (whilst he has a nap, maybe) go and get some fresh air, and something to eat. Looking after yourself is part of looking after him - I know you know that.

I think the fact that he's pissed off about the amount of milk is actually a very good sign. Really ill people, babies included, don't really care about much, and don't have the energy to get pissed off. And the fact he's not lost his appetite is a good sign too.

I just want to go home with him I’m so upset

Oh that’s good about X-ray OP I had to argue for 5 weeks to show my ds had pneumonia and not viral bronchiolitis!

His chest was clear they said ... about 10 times but yeah he had pneumonia

Anyway you are under sooooo much stress right now don’t underestimate it, the way you are coping with so little support just shows how strong you are! You are going to be a great mum and right now you are the whole world to that little boy you are doing great xx