He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

Hope she's reading posts. Sending hugs 🤗

Hi Clair such a difficult time for you. Hope you are OK.
I hope you have a chance to do someghing nice for yourself, very soon, and have some special times with bub.

Hi everyone, I’ve had a lot on this week what with my impending illegal eviction, I’m happily on the council waiting list now and can bid on properties, had a scare with my little sausage today in regards to his breathing, he was very wheezy and coughing and abit sleepier than usual, however my mums had a cold and he’s feeding normally and hasn’t got a fever, he coughed before and seemingly has cleared his chest. It’s been very busy, and I’ve realised how kind so many people are. I feel a lot better...and hes even started smiling, finally!

Oh congratulations on his smile! What wonderful, positive news. Is he 5 weeks now? If so, he's a week earlier at smiling than my DS was. Very advanced!

It's lovely when they finally start smiling isn't it?

Congratulations also on getting on the council bidding list, that must be a relief. Do they still tell you how near the top you are? Fingers crossed you get your own place very soon.

If you're worried about his cough or anything else, you can call 111 if you want to talk it over with an actual human. I used them quite a bit when my DS was small and I was on my own most days and not sure about stuff.

I’m gonna pop him to the docs if I’m still worried in the morning, the main thing is he’s feeding and seems to have cleared his chest by coughing he’s just in a deep sleep but was smiling away before!
I can’t sleep tonight as I’m keeping my eye on his cough, he’s had a lot of milk as well so I’m expecting some poos

Aw your updates are so nice to see op. So glad you’re getting smiles off him and feeling better x

So glad youwere able to take babyDs out and apply for the waiting list for somewhere to live. Lovely to hear you are feeling bit better, it's a busy time with somany 💩 and 🍼 Feed , play, nappy, sleep on repeat! By time uni back you will be very efficient. Keep reaching for support,and you and bub will be OK despite such difficult times.

I hope you kick ass and are a star in your course too!

So glad to hear that you’re doing better

You're doing a great job.

Hope baby sausage's cough is OK, scary when trying deal with a virus when so young, can become unwell fast. It's good you are taking to Doc if need and keeping an eye Champion Mummy

Sending hugs / universities often have a hardship fund that isn’t a loan and you might be able to access? A letter from your mp might support your case and they can chase child benefit too - I had to do this and it helped I received two payments of 300 pounds in two terms maybe delay studies of struggling your health is so important

If*

Fab to hear you sounding better - you’re doing brilliantly! Never easy when they’re poorly hope you get some sleep!

Hate it when they're ill when they're so tiny!
You are sounding heaps better, so lovely to read!

Hope you're getting more sleep now and good luck with the housing situation

you sound so much more positive now OP. Things are definitely looking up. Hope the cold passes quickly, its crap when they have a cold.

Well done OP you’re doing brilliantly

Lovely to read a positive update. Onwards and upwards, OP!

@clairindespair So nice to read that your feeling a lot happier and more positive. Good luck for the future x

@clairindespair so glad to see things look a bit brighter for you and yay for the little one giving you his first smiles

Hope he feels better soon and keep your head up - I wish you all the best for the future and MN is always here if you need it (it’s certainly been my lifeline on more than one occasion ).

There is nothing wrong with your mothering instincts Clair. All your problems, whilst not to be discounted, are practical ones. I think you'll do just fine.

Oh you poor love. Agree with orange blossom 78, social services dont just take babies away but also offer support. Are you able to talk to your GP and raise concerns re talking to health visitor. Can you speak to Students Union who may also offer counselling and maybe an emergency payment. It is not unusual to feel overwhelmed and babies pick up on feelings. Please take care of yourself and this will also help your baby.

Its so hard.
Honestly ive been in your shoes. skint. Without anyone. And exhausted.
It honestly does get better. Much. my dd is a 9 year old sittin on a ipad.
Seems like yesterday i was pacing the floors with her breaking my heart cryin.
Please keep going op. It goes so quick and its so worth it. Promise.

You sound so well OP.

Well done, it really sounds like you’ve bonded with your little man now. Really lovely to see you back xx

We’ve ended up in hospital with him as he has Bronchiolitis!
Never rains it pours!