Passively being 'told' to tidy up?

[Pigmageddon]

Going out today for lunch. First time in a long time. I have MH issues for full disclosure.

Kitchen and living room are messy. Fully geared up for doing both before I leave.

DH taking the kids to school. Leaves, gets to gate, comes back into living room to ask me what time I'm leaving. 11ish.
"oh. So you'll have time to tidy up then before you go?"

AIBU to find this annoying. Like I can't be trusted to do so without a reminder or his instruction!?

I don't know if I'm just feeling ratty this morning or not. I feel like leaving early and telling him to do it himself.

@Orangeblossom78 - you can get it if the person gets PIP. But PIP can be difficult to get even if the person has care needs.

I can't believe the amount of Mental illness bashing on this thread. As if the OP is deliberately being difficult by being mentally unwell. Has she thought how terrible it must be for her children? Well, I imagine like me she already feels really guilty for her children having a mum with serious mental illness. I'm sure she doesn't need it rubbed in any more. We did not choose to become mentally unwell. Would you say the same if it was a physical illness?

DH is my carer, although he works too much to get carer's allowance. He is using you as an excuse to take the piss!

Yes that is what I thought, would the OP be 'blamed' as much for e.g. multiple sclerosis? For example. Or cystic fibrosis? Which also need the carer around quite a bit.

No, it would be a 'difficult situation' possibly.

It is hard being made to feel guilty for having MH condition on top of the actual condition and meds etc. some of which can have significant side effects. I am on these also and need regular blood tests liver function etc

My DH also could get carer's but works too much, he self employed due to the illness mainly. Have DC, not easy at all.

In case it helps anyone including the OP, PIP can be easier to get if you get ESA as they can use the reports from that.

@Penelopeschat - I think the reality is there isn't always much support available. There was nothing for my ex when he was seriously unwell so I had to care for him.

@Orangeblossom78 - agree

My husband has physical and mental health issues, I think to the casual observer one can seem more deserving than the other but for me it doesn't make any difference. Don't know how it would be if it is one or the other.

When I wasn't working for a while I claimed carers allowance, they just stopped it off his benefits so it wasn't worth the bother. I don't know if that has changed, it was 20 years ago.

PIP can be easier to get if you get ESA as they can use the reports from that.

This isn't really true, PIP is assessed under a different set of criteria and if you ask them to use your ESA reports then they will tell you that entitlement to one doesn't affect entitlement to the other.

There was some news before the election about rolling the ESA and PIP assessments into one but I don't think anything has come of it yet.

What a vile thread. Some really horrible posts on here.

OP, did you go for your lunch in the end? In future it might be worth posting in health or relationships. Or basically anywhere that isn't AIBU. It gets nasty here.

I'm quite shocked at the replies and reaction on here tbh.

I really wonder how people can make such grand assumptions based on such small pieces of information. Information which has been misread by many aswell.

I'm also impressed by people's ability to diagnose my conditions and also make a full health assessment on behalf of ESA through an Internet forum without the access to my medical records, doctors information and care coordinator, that the judge had in order to award me my sickness benefit. Again, amazing.

And most of all your ability to, somehow, step through your screens into my marriage and husbands brain and be able to see his every thought and feeling about being married to me and our situation in regards to my mental health.

But Thankyou for the support of people who understand the complexity of MH issues.
I did make it out yesterday, it was nice to do so. Stressful but glad I did it.

To be fair, if he's doing all the outside jobs, then do the house yourself?
What else do you do when the kids are at school?
I work as a cleaner and have to do all the school runs, cook, shop and all the gardening.
Maybe I'm crazy, but as my DH is out for over 14 hours a day, there's not much else he could do, apart from DIY and having the kids on a Sunday.

OP I recommend a chat site called Elefriends which is run by Mind, maybe better posting there as people get MH a bit more.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/support-community-elefriends/

but as my DH is out for over 14 hours a day, there's not much else he could do, apart from DIY and having the kids on a Sunday

How many outside jobs are there during winter? Apart from school runs ops dh is at home all day too so your dh working 14 hrs is hardly relevant.

Dammit it posted too soon.

Op does do all the house herself why are you 'telling' her to do it?.
Did you even read what she said?

Glad you went out Pigmageddon. Hope you can do it again soon.

do you really think taking the kids out and to school equals all housework (cleaning, washing, cooking, online shops, putting kids to sleep, bathing them, homework)? If the OP is unable to leave the house due to being ill I'm assuming her husband takes the children out to do activities/see family etc. As I can't imagine either parent would want the kids sitting at home all the time. If that's the case then he'd be doing the majority of things for the children. When women do that everyone on here says her job is the childcare. Stuff in the house should be split so the husband does need to do more in the house but I don't think asking a simple, normal question means he should be villified.

So glad you managed to get out OP.
I honestly cannot even begin imagine what you go through every day.
There is support on MN though.
AIBU is definitely NOT the place to post though.
Go to the 'relationships' board for future posts!

And most of all your ability to, somehow, step through your screens into my marriage and husbands brain and be able to see his every thought and feeling about being married to me and our situation in regards to my mental health.

If we don't have any magical ability to 'step through our screens' and understand your husband's 'every thought and feeling', why did you start a thread inviting everyone to villify him?

And asking a load of internet strangers to judge whether or not you were reasonable in being annoyed with him?

I'm glad you managed to get out yesterday. Maybe you could try and target once a week to help build up confidence.

I would have been annoyed with the cleaning comment also but maybe DH didn't mean anything by it, just wanted to see what your plan was for the day?

Some of the comments on here are vile, I wouldn't wish MH on anyone!

@Pigmageddon *"He doesn't work, he's my carer" well in that case he should know that you are not always fit for domestic challenges either and he should be acting appropriately!

I'm physically disabled, my husband also works full-time, and we share the housework, although not always equally, because if I'm having a bad day, he will do everything...

Oh, and I also have bipolar disorder, and all the "fun" that goes with that, such as insomnia an debilitating intrusive thoughts because of my OCD...