Passively being 'told' to tidy up?

[Pigmageddon]

Going out today for lunch. First time in a long time. I have MH issues for full disclosure.

Kitchen and living room are messy. Fully geared up for doing both before I leave.

DH taking the kids to school. Leaves, gets to gate, comes back into living room to ask me what time I'm leaving. 11ish.
"oh. So you'll have time to tidy up then before you go?"

AIBU to find this annoying. Like I can't be trusted to do so without a reminder or his instruction!?

I don't know if I'm just feeling ratty this morning or not. I feel like leaving early and telling him to do it himself.

So he isn't officially your carer, OP.

You just have a joint ESA claim.

I dont know. Sometimes I need a gentle nudge in to getting off my backside and doing something that needs doing. Everyone saying to leave it for him to do, do you think it's ok for the OP to just sit in the mess and wait for him to get back? I know she said she was going to do it but if it's that messy I'm going to guess you've (both) had time before now to tidy it but just haven't bothered

if you’re too tired to sort your living room then how can you manage out for lunch?

well one involves sitting and eating, the other involves moving other peoples crap round the house, bending, lifting, putting away.

Is his name Geoff and he lives on coronation St?

This came to my mind instantly too!

You know how he is - this could be him being passive aggressive or it could just be meaning 'great, that means I don't have to do it after X'

ask0nemorething:
"if you’re too tired to sort your living room then how can you manage out for lunch"

The two are not mutually exclusive!!

Is it that bad to expect you to do a little tidy up while he takes the kids to school?

No. She was going to do it anyway. She didn’t need be told like an employee!

Sorry OP , I don’t understand your post. He’s your career becaoyou have social anxiety. But this wouldn’t stop you being extremely active around the house. Or do you have other health conditions?

Can you clarify why you've said he is your carer.

You say that he doesn't get Carer's Allowance.

You say that you have a couples claim for ESA.

How does that make him your carer?

I don't know about this one.

Why does social anxiety mean that you're too tired to tidy up?

I mean, believe me, I have anxiety and it sucks but it's not an excuse to get out of the housework.

I do think if he's gotten the kids up and out for school then it's your job to sort things out at home.

So he isn't your 'carer' he is taking advantage of the fact you get ESA so he can do the bare minimum. He sounds like a lazy, entitled wanker to me. My 'D'P also tries to micromanage me, tries to give me lists of what to do while he is out, decides what time I go to bed and wake up... it's horrible. Can you kick him out OP?

No. She was going to do it anyway. She didn’t need be told like an employee!

Have none of you ever asked your other half to do something around the house? Or reminded them if you thought they forgot

Did you tidy up yesterday, or the day before? It's not nice to be nagged, but it's not nice to have to nag either.

nocluewhattodoo i hope you tell your partner where to go!

OP he's not your carer. He needs to get a job and you need to see the doctor and get some proper help.

If you are both at home all day why is it untidy in the first place?

I'm generally considered a bit of a weeping lefty in full support of the welfare state but even I am taken aback at the idea that two people (plus children) are living on benefits because one has social anxiety. There must be more to this story surely. How do you claim ESA "as a couple"?

Kind of with you on that one, Reorder

To answer your specific question, though, OP, it is infuriating to be told to do something you were just about to do anyway. My mother has form for doing this to me ("Brush your hair!") and it makes me grind my teeth.

I think he is pissed off you are going out for lunch and so trying to assert himself.

What care is he meant to be providing for you? Does he do it? It sounds like he’s just lazy frankly, expecting you to do everything in the house even though he doesn’t work.

There has to be more to this. It makes 0 sense to why youd need a carer for social anxiety. And why social anxiety would stop you doing anything around the house.

And why are you throwing a strop about the house? I doubt it became that messy in less than a day. Is the likelihood not it's been a dump for days and you've done nothing, so he's asked you to? And you've done nothing again...

You need to provide more info because it sounds like you're both children, tbh.

I have to remind my DH to tidy up otherwise he just won’t bloody do it half of the time. If you have form for not tidying, he may just have felt he needed to give you a gentle reminder.

I have had social anxiety for years too, it can be debilitating but I definitely didn’t need a full time carer... I’m assuming you have other health issues or disabilities.

I don't think yabu, nothing annoys me more than someone telling me to do something I was already about to do.

I don't understand why he can't work either unless you have more issues than social anxiety.