Copy of wedding picture

[Nai89]

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

Posters saying ‘ask your gran, ask your uncle, asks the woman who cuts the bride’s hair’ or - God knows why - approach the photographer directly should think very carefully about how that might turn out. The OP has already been told NO by two different people. If she keeps on pushing, she could turn this into a major family row.

OP - whilst this is very much at odds with typical bride and groom behaviour - usually they’re desperate to show off their pictures even if you’re NOT interested - they have the right to say no. To be so livid you can’t sleep is bizarre.

I think it’s quite odd that your cousin considers pictures of the entire extended family to be “private”.
But your reaction is completely OTT. Weren’t there ample opportunities for you to take your own photos on the day?

The old adage of ‘treat people as you want to be treated’ comes to mind. Store this one in memory for future events and remember to treat them as they want to be treated

But that’s literally the opposite meaning of the saying

Flat no

But who has given her a flat no?

Have you heard no directly from your cousin OP? I was unclear whether you have just heard that from his mum?

I would message him directly and ask again, giving your reasons and see what he says. It is really odd and not very nice of them if they don't let you have a copy

Very odd that you haven't been able to order photos and that they are refusing your request. Do they perhaps think you expect them to pay for a print?

Prima facie it’s weird. But maybe there’s a simple explanation? Maybe they hate their wedding pictures (it happens), the pics are fuzzy, the bride thinks she looked fat, or some similar reason, and that’s why they don’t want to share them? Maybe their wedding photo contract doesn’t give them the right to share photos for free? Maybe they photoshopped your family out of the picture?

Have you actually seen the photo you want?

Think your cousin is being unreasonable, fgs if everyone had that attitude the only wedding photos he would have would be of him.and the bride. Does anyone else in the family have the photo so you can get a copy. To be fair if it's a professional photographer there may be copyright issues so you may need to purchase from photographer and need bride and grooms permission, it's irritating but if there's no way you can get a copy you'll have to let it go.

Maybe the bride/groom look horrible in that photo and don’t want it circulated!? I kept wraps on a few family pics I looked awful in but luckily there were enough version to pick a nice one to share with everyone.

Alternatively... did you forget to give a wedding present?

I'd wonder if the marriage is already in trouble!

Every wedding I’ve been a guest at has had an online gallery that we’ve been given the password to so we could buy our own prints or digital copy. Seems a bit precious to not let the family who are in the photos also buy a copy if they want one, specially as wedding photos are sometimes the only time everyone is together for photos.

@Nai89 bit surprised you are being berated but hey this is Mumsnet I think your cousin is being way too precious about this especially if it’s a case of just sending you jpeg copy from their USB stick! Unless as one poster has put they didn’t order that particular photo and are too embarrassed to fess up?

Is one married already and doesn't want pics to get out?

It's weird.

That’s a shame, I think YANBU. It’s sad you can’t have a copy. Weddings are one of the few events whole families get together, and photos are precious memories of that. Especially with older relatives. It’s not you at fault and I completely understand why you asked. Glad you’ve been able to put it to bed though and move on

The way I read it you asked your cousin, the groom, for a copy of the photo and he refused. I don’t understand the comments that read it as you asked the photographer.. there is nothing in this post that gives that impression. I agree with you - it’s messed up they won’t give you a copy, and I find it disturbing too. It’s just very weird. I would say you don’t give to your consent to your image, and your children’s image, to be stored and shared. Contact ICO for advice. This sort of thing rips families apart so why won’t he just give you a bloody copy of one of 1000s of images taken?? It is just weird.

If op willingly posed for a wedding photo it would be utterly nonsensical to attempt to “withdraw her consent” after the event
Nobody will take her seriously; the photographer doesn’t need her consent.

Don't contact the photographer directly. They'll do nothing, you aren't their client. This is a family matter, speak to them.
Maybe the photos turned out horribly? Unfortunately happens. Maybe the bride hates how she looks and doesn't want it given out?
I don't think YABU, do your best to get to the bottom of it.

All else fails invite everyone back for a professional family photoshoot except the bride and groom ;)

I think the issue here might be that the bride and groom spent a small fortune on the photos and aren’t keen to give one to you for free OR
they are planning to give them as gifts

Well I wouldn’t be losing sleep but that’s a very odd decision. Whenever I’ve been to a wedding, and there have been many over the years, there has always been the option to look at the photos and order any you want. People are so ridiculously precious these days. Seems that there are many on here too. Why on earth is it considered odd to want a photo of your family? Bizarre. 🙄

Sounds frustrating a bit odd. Probably not much you can do though I can see it's a shame. Congratulations on the new baby.

Hi.
No of course you can’t ask the photographer for a copy.
You usually look through the photos with the bride and groom and then you tell them what copies you would like and pay them .
Several weeks later you receive them.
Can’t really see why this would not be obvious to you.

I remember the days before digital when the photographer would turn up at the evening reception with all the proofs, would set them out on a table and then everyone would place their orders. Life was certainly simpler then.

I honestly can't the issue of giving someone a photo. I think it is really mean actually.

In reply to Stellabelle, who wrote, Why don't you just ask your cousin to get you a copy ? I can fully understand why the photographer won't just give you one - your cousin owns the photos , you can't just order one for yourself. Ask your cousin and you'll get your picture.

It's highly unusual for anyone but the photographer to retain ownership of the photographs. He or she usually does this to allow them to earn extra income from any additional prints, our photographer wanted £100 a photo for 6x4 and £150 for 8x5. Perhaps the Groom is worried he'll get into trouble if he duplicates them, and the photographer won't usually do anything without the contract holder's permission (whoever booked him or her).

Maybe the bride looks bad on it and she doesn't want it passing around. Quite a few of my photos never got off the stick for that reason.