Copy of wedding picture

[Nai89]

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

Your cousin is being weird.
We went to a family ‘do’. Niece took random photos and said she would let us have copies - and then she wouldn’t.
People are strange.

@stellabelle why did you jump to the conclusion she had gone directly to the photographer? You were the first response and that's skewed people's responses to the op based on false info.
How irritating for her!

It’s not the cousin being awkward, it’s his peevish mother.

I can fully understand why such a photo would be special and why you’d like a copy. I don’t get why some people on here don’t! I can understand being a little upset at your aunt’s nastiness, but it’s not something to lose sleep over. If your cousin says no you have to let it go at this point. Could you arrange a photo shoot with your grandmother and children to kind of make up for it?

I sent everyone a nice wedding photo with them in it along with my thank you cards. If there were a few nice shots of them and their kids I sent more than one.

I'm taken aback at how enraged you are about this. If this photo was so important to you, why didn't you hand your phone/camera to one of the other guests so they could have taken a photo for you while the wedding photographer took the photo of your group? That has mostly been the norm at large family weddings I've attended, rather than asking for copies of actual photographer photos. Are you sure no one else who attended the wedding took a photo when you were all grouped for the official one? Try on SM?

There must be more going on here than a photo -- are you sad you are no longer close to the groom and his family or something?

People (used to) hire a photographer so that photos would be good and nobody had to bother having cameras around and pissing off other people by asking them to take photos and taking a million photos of the same group for different cameras.

If the B&G can't get copies to share, then they should tell guests to contact the photographer directly.

IME, but I could be massively out of date, photographers have a website for guests to choose and order photos. It's odd that people consider those photos private.

Unless the aunt thought you wanted them to send you a photo that they had paid for. Communication problems?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all to want a copy of a family picture at a special family occasion. I do think it very odd that they are being so close guarded about it. If it is because they didn’t turn out well or something, then why wouldn’t they just say that? Very bizarre. Did they get your written permission to have you in the photo? No because you’re family. Why invite family to share in their special day, and then shut you out on this. Very odd! But as other have said, try not to get too worked up over it. It won’t change anything and in fact it sounds like if they knew you were so upset, they’d be pleased they’d manipulated you into that situation in some way. 🙄

Lesson learnt. The old adage of ‘treat people as you want to be treated’ comes to mind. Store this one in memory for future events and remember to treat them as they want to be treated 😉

They must be unhappy with the photos. Maybe the bride is upset about them.

As someone up thread has said, the photographer will probably have a web site with the images on there for potential customers to look at. The image will remain copyright of the photographer and they can sell them to who ever they choose, unless they signed over copyright to the B&G (unusual). As it was a wedding, they will have assumed that permission to take phots was a given and wouldn't need signed releases from all the guests.

Can you find out who the photographer was and ask them for a copy.

Your reaction to this is way ott and I don't think continuing to hound your cousin is going to change his mind.

Do you not get told 'no' a lot? Very strange reaction that you've had regarding this.

It's not unreasonable to ask, but they did pay for them and they don't have to share. To not sleep over it though and to be livid? That's the bizarre part.

And jesus christ don't do what others have said and contact the photographer. Even if you get it, you'll look even more mental than you already do.

Getting photographs from the photographer is the normal thing to do.
Although B&G would usually share their contact so that people could order their own photos.

People (used to) hire a photographer so that photos would be good and nobody had to bother having cameras around and pissing off other people by asking them to take photos and taking a million photos of the same group for different cameras.

Actually, pretty much every family wedding I've ever been to has been like this -- the official photographer taking a photo, and about thirty people behind him with multiple phones/cameras taking the same photo.

In fact, years back, when something happened with the official photographs (I can't remember whether there was something wrong with the camera and nothing came out, or whether the photographer went bust and vanished), the couple were pretty much able to recreate the majority of the 'official' photos from other people's.

I still think this is most peculiar.
If I had had such a lovely family photo, I would probably have had copies made and sent to all the grandchildren involved - after all, it's all the same family!

Hope you get an answer from your cousin.

Definitely weird. We printed off all the photos that included each guest and sent them out when we thanked them for coming to the wedding (we had a photographer that did lots of casual shots).

A couple of people have asked if the bride and groom are both in the picture - can you confirm if they both are, OP?

The only reason that I ask is that at our wedding, my new MIL took the photographer aside to get a photo of "her" family - and asked for me not to be in it. The bride. She never got her picture as the photographer thought it was so odd!

Maybe the bride feels sidelined?

At our wedding some of my in-laws commandeered the photographer and instructed her to take photos of groups of people (they’d prearranged it amongst themselves). I was a bit annoyed because the photographer wasn’t with us for the whole day, and they took quite a lot of her time. I emailed her afterwards and ask for only one of those photos to be included in the final selection.

@thestral yes the bride and groom are included in the picture.

Thingsthatgo I was bridesmaid at a wedding where the groom’s mum did that! We were having the formal photos taken of the wedding party and she went and got a group of her girlfriends and then kept saying that they needed to go next! So cheeky!

Sounds bizarre that your cousin won’t give you the photo. Perhaps you could get other members of the family to ask. Could they refuse your elderly grandma?

Good idea to get the granny to ask.

It seems weird and manipulative to try and circumvent the answer you've already been given by using your ill grandmother as your proxy.

You've been told no. You need to get over it.

@cohle

You're missing the point here, I was wondering whether I was being u reasonable for asking for a family photo.

Not once did I state I will use anybody to ask on my behalf, nor did I use my "Ill grandmother" as a proxy. That's a very nasty thing to say.

Being upset kept me up for a few hours (which some of you think is so OTT) so with all these pleasant messages I am "over" it. Thanks!

I think it's really odd that your cousin has said a flat "no". It could be financial but then he could just say "a copy costs...". The only other reason I can think of is that it's not a very flattering photo of the bride or groom so they don't want it shared far and wide! But otherwise, I'd be pissed of their response.
I do think that losing sleep over it is a bit of an over reaction from you, OP, but I'd definitely be annoyed and puzzled!

Yes he doesn't have to give it to you but why on earth not, who gets so precious about a bloody photo?? It's ridiculous. I completely get why you want it, it's very rare to have group photos where you've got entire generations together in one shot. Imagine being able to show your newborn in 20 years time a photo that they shared with older relatives that they won't have remembered. it's a massively sentimental thing to do, I don't see why your cousin doesn't understand that?!