Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copy of wedding picture

278 replies

Nai89 · 13/01/2020 04:38

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

OP posts:
3luckystars · 14/01/2020 19:50

Write in your granny's handwriting to your cousin, asking for a copy of the photo and put in a stamped addressed envelope to your granny's address. Dont sign it because that would be dishonest. Wink

momtoboys · 14/01/2020 19:54

I think she asked the photographer. Of course the he/she would tell you no. If you asked your cousin, that's weird. Either way, I think you need to calm down.

PeachyPeachTrees · 14/01/2020 19:59

It's the norm for guests to order photos for their own use. A special memento from a special occasion. I gave guests the link to the website.
How sad. Cake

Oddbins · 14/01/2020 20:00

Perhaps this is the latest in a long list of photo requests that people are expecting the bride and groom to provide.

The mother of one of my bridesmaids asked for a copy of every picture with her in. Total of 60+ and expected me to pay for them.

There were others who expected us to pay too "they are only a couple of quid on photobox" Hmm

They are not from a professional

In the end we said no

HappyFamily2020 · 14/01/2020 20:03

Its really not that serious. leave them to it and move on x

Localocal · 14/01/2020 20:11

Op, please clarify whom you asked! It's not at all odd for the photographer to say no, but quite odd for the bride and groom. What else are all those different picture groupings for if not to give them to the people in the pictures? Why does the bride want a picture of herself and her husband just with the groom's mum's family? I would feel flattered and included if the groom's relatives asked for pictures. But weird as it is if the bride doesn't want to give you a copy (assuming of course you offered to pay the extra cost for it - maybe the photographer charges a lot and they didn't want to be on the hook for dozens of prints to all the extended family?) I wouldn't let it get to you. People are odd and if they are family you just have to accept it and not take it personally. Shake it off.

saraclara · 14/01/2020 20:14

OP clarified that early on in the thread @Localocal She asked her cousin.

winniestone37 · 14/01/2020 20:16

It’s a bit mean I guess but maybe they’re feeling a bit precious post wedding. Your reaction is questionable though, Why are you losing sleep? This is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

MargotB7 · 14/01/2020 20:28

There are some miserable people out there. A lovely photograph where everyone looks nice and happy is something to be cherished especially in later years. If I had them on a stick I wouldn't mind emailing. Unless the Bride, Groom or Mother look a bit rubbish then that might be the reason they are not happy.

midnightmisssuki · 14/01/2020 20:30

They sound bloody odd. You say they put the pictures all up on FB? Did you give them permission? I mean, you’re children are in those pictures....... but then again OP i would be spiteful so would probably make them take it down, unless they gave me a copy. 😂

midnightmisssuki · 14/01/2020 20:30

^^ your

Nightflower · 14/01/2020 20:32

I find it weird that your cousin doesn't want to share the digital copy of the photo, but in the end it's his decision and unfortunately you can't do anything about it. Even weirder is that his wife and your...aunt? think the same, as in no sharing the photo.
Maybe you'll get the occasion to ask about it at another time and have more luck.
Good luck with baby and lack of sleep and try not to stress too much about this.

Original poster
Nai89 · 14/01/2020 20:47

For everyone asking about wedding gifts, I gave a very decent amount of cash as that's what they requested.
The grooms mother insisted everyone come up with the couple to get the image of the maternal side because it would be nice, me fussing over an infant was difficult as it is but I got up with 30 other people.

yes I did manage to take a photo of the day but as the whole family picture which some of you don't seem to understand is what I am after, the maternal side. About 30odd people, I'm a guest, if everyone I know is on stage getting the group photo done at the last second, did it occur to me to ask a stranger to take a snap from my phone when everyone I know is in the image? No i didnt care to think because I assumed it would be shared!

As for asking the photographer, no i didnt ask him/her/the company. Nor will I go digging to find out who it is and go behind their backs to ask. To point my cousin has refused to return my call nor my text so why would I harass him on social media, that's not in my nature. More than likely he knows why I contacted and he has chosen to ignore me, any normal person would return a call. I'm done with this, i know I'm not being unreasonable to ask. I've slept fine since as I had a slight moment of upset and anger that I was rushed to take this group photo that they've decided to keep to themselves. Also to point out the grooms sister asked me to send her pictures of the wedding I took from the day which I sent a few days after the wedding, so they've collected images from the guests which is reasonable but to be oddly private about returning the only 1 photo I want, that's their choice, their decision their right...it is just unfortunate for me. You live to learn from your efforts with people.

OP posts:
FaveNumberIs2 · 14/01/2020 20:49

It doesn’t matter who you ask. You were told no, respect the bride and grooms wishes.

It was their day, why would they want pics of their wedding day on anyone else’s wall except there’s and perhaps, their parents?

Besides which, photographers charge a extortionate amount for extra copies, you expect the bride and groom to order/pay for it?

And if you really want a pic of you, your partner and all your kids, go to a studio and have your own set done.

Ffs.

CottonSock · 14/01/2020 20:53

I think your cousin is really mean.

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/01/2020 20:55

I take an awful photo, l remember going to a wedding years ago and it was where l met my now husband. I was very pleased with my hair, make up, dress, the lot that day and several. people paid me compliments ranging from 'stunning' to 'whoa you scrub up well'. My DH tells people to this day how smitten he was at first sight and how lovely l looked etc. I didn't get one good pic and there were loads with me in it, l looked bloody awful in every one and others agreed that the pics didn't do me justice etc.
When DH and l got married out of hundreds of pics only about five or six where l looked OK and a couple of
'good' ones within those.
I didn't want anyone to have copies of the other ones even if they were in it. I just felt embarrassed at thought of 'ugly bride' staring off their sideboards ad infinitum.
I got rou d such requests though by zooming in /cropping me and dh out though.

Melroses · 14/01/2020 21:07

If there are 30 in the groom's mother's family, maybe they just CBA with large numbers of people wanting copies ?

As others said, perfectly normal to want a copy, and these days the photographer can do it on their website, which saves a lot of hassle.

Families are just a bit odd sometimes Confused

syskywalker · 14/01/2020 21:18

Ask the photographer. The photographer owns the copyright.

Alsohuman · 14/01/2020 21:29

Weird, mean and petty. So sorry, OP, not only for your cousin’s odd behaviour but for some of the bitchy responses you’ve had here.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/01/2020 21:36

Mean and strange to refuse. I agree that you have to drop it though.

Twofingers · 14/01/2020 21:37

I think you are justified feeling disturbed by this. It is HORRIBLE behaviour. I assume the photo was taken in a private place and you gave your consent for you and your children to be in it on the assumption that you would be able to purchase a copy for your personal use.
I could maybe understand his position if it was a portrait taken at an open casket funeral but not at a wedding!
Were the unhappy couple naked?
If he refuses to allow you a copy of a portrait of your own family I wonder what he would say if you asked for it to be deleted.

74NewStreet · 14/01/2020 21:41

I don’t think anyone agrees to be included in wedding photos on the assumption that they’ll be able to buy a copy for their personal use Confused They’re for the bride and groom, aren’t they??
But do agree it’s odd behaviour from the cousin.

SmileyClare · 14/01/2020 22:04

Agree so precious and pompous. It's bloody rude not to give you some sort of explanation further than "They're our private property" like a self important prick.

I think OP has explained her very elderly grandmother is in the photo. It's not as simple as getting everyone together for a photo shoot of your own as pp suggested.

bluegreygreen · 14/01/2020 22:23

It's odd behaviour but

Does the cousin even know about the request?

OP I may have got confused but to me your post read as if you'd only actually been in contact with your aunt

bluegreygreen · 14/01/2020 22:25

It might be better to make the request by text, rather than waiting fora call.

That way he'll know what it's about, if his mother hasn't actually told him

Swipe left for the next trending thread