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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a parent to pay for child's damage?!

328 replies

MissB83 · 12/01/2020 19:15

Context: I had a friend and her 2 year old for a play date this afternoon. Before either of us could stop her, her 2 year old grabbed my letter flap (inside) and forced it up, which snapped an internal mechanism so it no longer lies flush to the door Sadmy friend tried to explain it away that she fiddles with the door and didn't immediately realise that her child had broken it. However the kicker is that the door is brand new; it was replaced about a month ago at a cost of nearly £900! It looks wrong now but worse is letting in a significant draught into an already cold house.

I think the part can probably be replaced as it screws on and on but obviously this will be at a cost. My friend has been back to thank me for the play date but not mentioned the door. I am flat broke so cannot pay for the repair anyway but I don't feel I should have to, but I want to go in on the right foot before annoying my friend. AIBU to expect her to pay?

OP posts:
PattiPrice · 12/01/2020 20:53

How much for a repair?

Of course your friend should offer to pay for damages. It isn’t as if the child only broke a mug. If the child broke a window, would people say ah well it was an accident or would they ask for the cost of a new window to be sent to them?

If they are the type who don’t offer, do you really want them in your house? I wouldn’t!

However if your friend didn’t know her child broke it, then it is unreasonable to ask her to pay for it in retrospect.

Biancadelrioisback · 12/01/2020 20:55

I replaced my letter box when we first moved in because I didn't like the colour. Cost hardly anything and was easy as to do.

NeckPainChairSearch · 12/01/2020 20:57

If a £900 door had been installed in my home only weeks earlier and the letterbox broke with only the fiddling of a toddler, I'd be speaking to the company about the quality of their product

Yep, this ^^

No way should a two year be able to damage a letterbox like that! I would be onto the fitter/company and expect a repair job and no bill.

CripsSandwiches · 12/01/2020 20:59

If a £900 door had been installed in my home only weeks earlier and the letterbox broke with only the fiddling of a toddler, I'd be speaking to the company about the quality of their product

THIS. I mean I'd probably offer to pay if it was my DD but I wouldn't expect a friend to pay if had happened to me.

John470322 · 12/01/2020 21:00

The door is a month old. You have a child. Tell the company that supplied the door that a part is damaged and ask for a free replacement as it is so new.

Junie70 · 12/01/2020 21:01

She's no friend if she knows you're skint, it's a letterbox on a new door and her child had broken it (albeit without intent) and she hasn't offered to replace it.

I do agree with PPs though that it should withstand a toddler and ask for the fitter to sort it out if the door is that new. A 2 year old isn't exactly in the running for worlds strongest man..............

LizzieMacQueen · 12/01/2020 21:03

Wait, are you sure it's not just the spring mechanism that's popped out or been over stretched?

You know, the spring that usually would hold the flap shut.

Original poster
MissB83 · 12/01/2020 21:05

@LizzieMacQueen yes I think that's exactly what's happened ie the spring mechanism. Unfortunately I think it means the part needs to be replaced as there is no obvious way to fix it.

The person who fitted the door says it is not going to be covered by warranty which seems extremely odd.

However I am hoping that a handy friend might be able to help for less than his quoted price of £30. Fingers crossed.

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 12/01/2020 21:06

YANBU. I would always expect to pay for anything my child breaks. My child is my responsibility.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/01/2020 21:09

Definitely contact the company about the quality of the part.

Re. Your friend. I would always offer to pay for any damage my child caused, but some people may not. Personally I think that's CFery, but anyway. If it ends up being an expensive repair, I'd tell her about it, it might cause ructions so be prepared for that.

Karmin · 12/01/2020 21:16

The £900 door is irrelevant, the door isn't broken the letterbox is. Go to your local DIY store get a replacement, unscrew old one and put a new one on.

Durgasarrow · 12/01/2020 21:17

If you are talking about her paying for a 30 pound door flap, that sounds somewhat reasonable. If you're talking about a 900 pound door, um no.

AlaskaElfForGin · 12/01/2020 21:21

@mummaaw. Please at least read the thread. The OP didn't pay for the front door, the money for that was a family gift.

Are you honestly saying that you wouldn't offer to pay for something (it doesn't actually matter what it is) that your child broke accidentally? That absolutely astounds me, it's just basic manners.

Legomanships · 12/01/2020 21:22

I would offer to pay, but wouldn’t expect my friend to take up the offer, and also wouldn’t take up the friend in the reverse circumstances, but I have very close friends so I don’t tend to get hung up on that sort of thing. In the meantime a little bit of tape on the flap should help.

Durgasarrow · 12/01/2020 21:22

I don't know if I would ask a friend to pay for something that was broken on a playdate. It's up to the homeowners to make sure that the house is child-safe. It sounds as if the mother wasn't being negligent and neither were you. Little kids are destructive.

DesignedForLife · 12/01/2020 21:22

I’ve got to be honest, if a 2 year old was able to break my brand new £900 door in the way you’d described I’d be claiming it back from the manufacturer as not fit for purpose.

Original poster
MissB83 · 12/01/2020 21:25

I accept it might be difficult for some people on this thread to understand but I have about £200 spare for all additional costs at the end of the month so even a £20-30 repair cost actually does eat into my budget.

The door itself was paid for with family money as a gift and is a fairly standard price for a composite door plus fitting, it was actually one of the cheapest quotes.

OP posts:
gumpforestgump · 12/01/2020 21:29

@MissB83 please call the company who fitted the door as it doesn’t sound fit for purpose if a 2 year old could break it one month after fitting. This isn’t passing false blame to the company to let your friend off. This sounds like it’s not something either of you should pay for.

PrtScn · 12/01/2020 21:33

Can you not just fix it yourself? I replaced mine on the inside after the postman put a note through the door saying that it was difficult to push letters through.
This one is only £9.99
www.screwfix.com/p/stormguard-brush-letter-plate-chrome-292-x-75mm/4704v

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/01/2020 21:35

@ MissB83 I know what you mean about prices. We've also been getting quotes for an exterior door and I'm astounded at how expensive they are. Unfortunately, £900 really is a decent price!

mumwon · 12/01/2020 21:36

if you purchase something it has to be of a good enough standard to last a reasonable time & be able to withstand normal use (for goodness sake the dc was 2!)
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/template-letters/letters/consumer-template-letters/letter-to-complain-about-faulty-goods-supplied-with-a-service
there are other letters -I am sure you can adapt one of them for this circumstance

BackforGood · 12/01/2020 21:38

Be astounded then @AlaskaElfForGin

I've raised 3 dc to adulthood and, apart from on MN, I've never come across this concept that when something gets broken or damaged by a child by accident, the parent of the dc has to pay for it.
Stuff happens. Accidents happen. If someone wasn't deliberately vandalising something, then it is just accepted as being part of life.
In truth, I can't remember any major breakages - as we tended to put anything valuable away, when they were little.
In just the same was as if an adult visiting me accidentally dropped a glass or a mug, I wouldn't charge them for it, and nor would I offer to pay if I accidentally dropped something at someone else's house. I find it quite bizarre.

xmasbiccies · 12/01/2020 21:40

I think yabu. It wasn’t deliberate and something shouldn’t break that easily...just live with it or get it repaired it probably won’t cost that much...a 2 year old doesn’t really do these things deliberately and if I billed my friends or family every time their kid did something I’d have no friends left by now.

Also if it’s a new door it probably has a guarantee....just say it broke and u don’t know how.

Christmastreejoy · 12/01/2020 21:40

I would be going back to wherever you bought the door and saying it’s broken. A 2 year old should have been able to manage this tbh

Meggymoo777 · 12/01/2020 21:42

YANBU and I don't agree with any PPs who say that damage caused by children is automatically just one of those things or should be taken as an accident. I would definitely offer to fix/replace items that my child had broken.

If a dog were to chew and damage a new £900 sofa I think the consensus would be the owner needs to pay... why different with a child?

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