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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect a parent to pay for child's damage?!

328 replies

MissB83 · 12/01/2020 19:15

Context: I had a friend and her 2 year old for a play date this afternoon. Before either of us could stop her, her 2 year old grabbed my letter flap (inside) and forced it up, which snapped an internal mechanism so it no longer lies flush to the door Sadmy friend tried to explain it away that she fiddles with the door and didn't immediately realise that her child had broken it. However the kicker is that the door is brand new; it was replaced about a month ago at a cost of nearly £900! It looks wrong now but worse is letting in a significant draught into an already cold house.

I think the part can probably be replaced as it screws on and on but obviously this will be at a cost. My friend has been back to thank me for the play date but not mentioned the door. I am flat broke so cannot pay for the repair anyway but I don't feel I should have to, but I want to go in on the right foot before annoying my friend. AIBU to expect her to pay?

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 12/01/2020 21:45

@MissB83

Which companies door did you buy?

I’m currently looking at them and do not want to buy one an inquisitive two year old can break simply by lifting up the flap.

AlaskaElfForGin · 12/01/2020 21:45

I find it quite bizarre.

I wouldn't mind betting that your friends find it more bizarre that you think that they would have to just 'accept' you or your DCs could break something and not at least offer to pay. 😂 I've had plenty of kids break stuff over the years and I have never once 'charged' as, yes, things do happen, but on every single occasion their parent has at least offered to pay (I haven't accepted). It's just polite.

Oh my my own DCs have broken things in the past accidentally in other people's houses and I've always offered to pay. No one has ever accepted - apart from MIL. 😳

JumpingOnTheBed · 12/01/2020 21:46

It depends om how much you value the friendship vs the principle of asking her to pay up.

It would annoy me big time but I'd keep quiet and just sort it myself, sometimes you have to suck up stuff for the sake of maintaining relationships.

Letterbox frames and bits are fairly inexpensive on eBay and in B&Q etc. I say this as we've just replaced ours.

ConstanceL · 12/01/2020 21:52

If a £900 door had been installed in my home only weeks earlier and the letterbox broke with only the fiddling of a toddler, I'd be speaking to the company about the quality of their product.
Agree with this totally. Does your friend actually know the door is damaged though? I think most people would assume that a letterbox would just snap back into place after being dislodged by a toddler.

IncrediblySadToo · 12/01/2020 21:53

If it was my child I’d offer to pay/have the item replaced, but unless the child was doing something that would predictably cause something to break I wouldn’t accept money from someone if their child broke it, in exactly the same way I wouldn’t if an adult accidentally broke something while visiting.

I also wouldn’t accept the door company charging me to replace a letterbox flap on a new door that a toddler has lifted up. Most adult I know would lift a letter box flap to get something out that was half in/half out, without even thinking about it. A letter box flap should open so it’s flush to the door FFS.

CripsSandwiches · 12/01/2020 22:02

I wouldn't mind betting that your friends find it more bizarre that you think that they would have to just 'accept' you or your DCs could break something and not at least offer to pay

It depends how it broke surely. If I walked into your housesat on your sofa and it fell apart and you told me it was an antique sofa worth £10,000. Then no I wouldn't offer to pay because it wasn't my fault you had something that was a) ridiculously expensive and b) ridiculously fragile.

If I was doing something careless or stupid and broke something as a result I would offer to pay. I can't imagine your friend imagines a letter box would be at all expensive and I also can't imagine she'd think you'd accept her money when it must have been faulty or fragile to have fallen apart so easily.

Passmethecrisps · 12/01/2020 22:05

I find it odd that anyone lets their child play with a spring mechanism anyway! Thank goodness her fingers weren’t in it.

Personally, I would really push for warrantee. It seems strange that The installer is already stating that the part isn’t covered.

wheretonow123 · 12/01/2020 22:12

I agree with those saying to report to the supplier of the door, I would have expected a more robust door than that for £900

Mlou32 · 12/01/2020 22:12

YANBU. I wouldn't dream of not offering to pay something that my kid had broken. Kids will be kids, things happen. But you are still out of pocket due to her kids actions. She should be putting it right. I would bring it up saying something like 'I'm sorry I know this is awkward, but...'

londonrach · 12/01/2020 22:13

Why is break that easily...id be asking the company who supplied the door

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/01/2020 22:13

If OP's friend doesn't realise that the flap was broken, of course she won't offer to cover the cost, there's nothing really wrong with that. If she did realise and has kept schtum, that's a bit off. If my child broke or damaged someone else's property, I would offer money to cover it or buy a replacement myself, it's the decent thing to do. Even if it's an accident, it's somebody else's stuff, not yours!

If someone else's child broke something of mine, I would be internally expecting the parent to offer to cover the replacement cost, but I wouldn't say anything if they didn't.

I bought my replacement letter box flap from Homebase, but my door is an old timber one and not a new composite one, they might need different treatment from wooden ones? DSis has composite door and wants to change the colour, but it isn't as simple as just getting some sandpaper and a tin of exterior gloss iirc.

Cherrysoup · 12/01/2020 22:22

The person who fitted the door says it is not going to be covered by warranty which seems extremely odd.

If you tell the company how it broke, it probably won’t be covered because it was deliberate damage/child wasn’t closely supervised etc. If you say it broke, no idea how, it may be. I am not encouraging you to fraudulently tell the company that it ‘just broke’, I’m just saying what I think the company will say if you tell them how it happened. I think your friend should pay for a replacement letter box/mechanism.

Frankiestein402 · 12/01/2020 22:23

Kids lift letterbox flaps and look through them.

You need to thank the child for finding a defect soon after installation - it would have happened at some point and a year down the track it would be a more difficult argument.

It's not unusual to lift the flap beyond 90 to pull out tight letters/papers.

  1. This should not be breakable in normal use let alone by a 2yr old.
  2. It was either mis-assembled in the first place or is a shoddy design - hopefully the former. (has it had sufficient use for you to have noticed whether there was any unusual movement, wobble etc before it was 'broken' ?)

If you've paid for the fitting you'll have to follow up on the "not fit for purpose"

Summer23 · 12/01/2020 22:24

A warranty for a letterbox? I would think this unlikely. I would explain to whoever fitted it the circumstances and see if they can assist. Take it from there re the cost and yes maybe mention to your friend...How annoying after just getting it fitted.

Mumtotwo82 · 12/01/2020 22:29

Personally I've never had a letter box that didn't break from the inside eventually. The last was the man who delivers the papers who broke it. I never bothered to fix it as it has a brush inside so it not so bad.
I think your friend should of offered to pay especially as she saw her do it she saw her do it. Someone broke my tap last week (I had a number of friends over and one tightened so hard it broke the inside mechanism. I had to get a plumber out. I have no idea who did it, but it had to be an adult. Annoying when people break your things and don't own up or offer to pay.

Sydneyy · 12/01/2020 22:29

Omg she 2!! Shit happens. She obviously didn't do it on purpose. Ask your friend to pay if you are ok with the friendship being over. But I think you should just suck it up and pay for it.

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/01/2020 22:31

MyDcAreMarvel if it were relevant (which it isn't), the money for the door was a family gift.
I do think it was relevant, however I was wrong about your income so I apologise.

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/01/2020 22:33

MyDcAreMarvel Eh? So if your child breaks something at a friends house, accidentally or not, you wouldn't offer to pay?
No I would obviously offer to pay and would pay. However in my friendship group an accident would be seen as just one of those things.

DuploTower · 12/01/2020 22:41

I kinda think you are being a bit unreasonable, but clearly I'm in the minority.

How the hell did a two year old break a £900 letter box? Must have been flimsy af.

jelly79 · 12/01/2020 22:52

If I were your friend I would of offered.
If I were you I would of declined the offer.
Accidents happen

Although I would certainly be exploring the warranty

Original poster
MissB83 · 12/01/2020 22:56

This appears to be more of a minefield the more I look into it.

The fitter is absolutely insistent that it is not going to be covered under warranty because the damage was due to misuse. I have spelled out that I don't think this makes sense (what people have said on this thread is sensible, that a two year old shouldn't have been able to break it in the first place) so I'll see what he comes back with. Unfortunately if I try to get it repaired myself this is likely to invalidate the entire warranty; but I really resent paying £30 or more to get this fixed by the original fitter.

Rock; meet hard place.

OP posts:
Melroses · 12/01/2020 23:09

It should be fit for purpose. Talk to Citizen's Advice.

If a 2 year old can break it so easily, it would not survive our postman (who has broken two letter boxes)

myidentitymycrisis · 12/01/2020 23:11

YANBU to expect her to pay,

However, it sounds as though you don’t want to ask her. What would be worse, losing your friend or remaining friends but with an underlying feeling of resentment?

Splenny · 12/01/2020 23:18

I cannot believe you think it should be covered by the warranty. Why should the fitter replace it at a cost to him? Of course if you push something too far it will break!

Madness! And yes if you get it fixed yourself you void your warranty.

Pisces90 · 12/01/2020 23:20

You should never have mentioned a 2 year old broke it. You should have said it just fell off when opening/closing door.

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