To expect a parent to pay for child's damage?!

[MissB83]

Context: I had a friend and her 2 year old for a play date this afternoon. Before either of us could stop her, her 2 year old grabbed my letter flap (inside) and forced it up, which snapped an internal mechanism so it no longer lies flush to the door my friend tried to explain it away that she fiddles with the door and didn't immediately realise that her child had broken it. However the kicker is that the door is brand new; it was replaced about a month ago at a cost of nearly £900! It looks wrong now but worse is letting in a significant draught into an already cold house.

I think the part can probably be replaced as it screws on and on but obviously this will be at a cost. My friend has been back to thank me for the play date but not mentioned the door. I am flat broke so cannot pay for the repair anyway but I don't feel I should have to, but I want to go in on the right foot before annoying my friend. AIBU to expect her to pay?

[Dieu]

I would die a death before I asked a friend to pay for this. The child is 2!!

[Worsethingshappen]

Accidents happen. This is life. I wouldn’t think to ask for the money.

[msmum007]

I agree with @kitkat1985. The letter box flap should at least have been designed to be able to withstand the forces that a mere two year old could place upon it. After all, I would expect a new door to last at least a good twenty years, with normal wear and tear, including being played with by an inquisitive two year old.
I once took pity on a mother who was lonely and unpopular who had two young boys, under five, and similar ages to my children. They systematically broke five significant toys including my son’s bike, a trampoline, the Wendy house door, etc. I took issue with the mother who then asked her two little boys to come to her. She then, in a pathetic baby voice, told them that it wasn’t very nice to break other children’s toys, then told them to go off and play nicely. Needless to say, they took absolutely no notice of her! I realised then why these two boys and their mother were so disliked(and they didn’t have special undiagnosed needs). Needless to say, they weren’t invited again, although I felt bad.
In her shoes, I’d have taken my children home at the first hint of not playing and respecting other children’s toys. I would then have banned tv or something at home and an early night to enforce my message. I would have made it abundantly clear to them that I wouldn’t tolerate that disrespectful behaviour.
Another time a friend came round with her usually well behaved two year old to play with mine. I was eight months pregnant and supposed to be ‘resting’. I’m the type of mother who has absolutely nothing dangerous/poisonous/unchildfriendly within reach, and even then behind a stair gate and locked. I’ve always been a very belt and braces type of mum, because too many times I’ve personally seen the absolutely traumatising and horrific effects of children, if they’re ‘lucky’ being admitted to paediatrics, or worse if they’re ‘unlucky’, who’ve taken ‘sweeties’(paracetamol, ibuprofen, etc), for instance out of mum’s handbag. I‘ve dealt with one set too many of relatives and parents in the relatives room, giving unbearable bad news. So it didn’t dawn upon me to check up on another mother (who also happened to be a nursery nurse) who came into the house. Never again... We went out into the garden as it was such a hot day. Little did I realise that the mother had left her open handbag in the house, with make up in, on the brand new carpet(lounge-diner) I’d just had installed two days earlier.
I suddenly realised that the children were suspiciously quiet, so went indoors, followed by my friend. We were confronted by two two year olds, faces covered in make up, but not only that. They’d also drawn absolutely all over the vast expanse of carpet “pretty” pictures, that we saved for, so not even a rug would have covered it. They’d used my friend’s bright blue eye shadow, bright red lip stick, black eye liner, blusher and foundation. At least this mother had the decency to be absolutely mortified and literally scooped up her DC and took her home, promising me that she’d speak to her husband and come back to me later.
She did as well, to be very fair, in absolute tears as she said she was so mortified, knowing how very careful I am. She and her husband offered to replace the entire carpet. Having just got out of the bath myself, I was able to tell her the good news. I’d sorted it, much to her astonishment.
I subsequently tried Vanish, etc to remove it, but none of it budged at all. Fortunately, I happened to be good friends with the local carpet shop man and phoned him in a complete state of desperation, as my husband was due home soon himself. The carpet shop man told me to immediately stop, then very kindly jumped into his van and came to see the damage along with a can of something mysterious and German, so don’t have a clue what it was. Thankfully it shifted the whole lot, using recommended white muslim squares and a hell of a lot of desperate, panic stricken, elbow grease! I opened all the windows to air the house as well.
Thank God it was spotless just as my husband pulled up on the drive. Eight months pregnant, a ’resting‘ me just collapsed on the sofa in a very sweaty heap. Just in time for him at ask “had a nice restful day, dear?” Needless to say, I felt like punching him, but just about restrained myself, telling him I was off for a nice cool bath (it was a hot day too), could he keep an eye on little one.
So yes, in your case, the mother should resolve it with you.
But then you do get the odd time when it’s sod’s law...
A suggestion that I’ve thought would resolve it for you though, being a metal letterbox, it probably wouldn’t have been very heat saving efficient. On our letterboxes on the inside we’ve replaced the metal flap with an insulating inside brush type letter box cover in. They’ve significantly helped resolve that nasty draft.




was probably why my children were popular and invited to other people’s house’s.

[Devora13]

I quickly discovered you don't need to read the full thread if it's long, you can just page through and read the OP's updates. But don't let me put ideas in anyone's head.

[TheKorateer1988]

Any chance your house insurance would cover the cost? It obviously depends on the size of your excess as to whether or not it's worth asking. Another way is to approach the company, explain the circumstances behind the damage. They may provide the part free of charge and, if it does look straight forward to fix, perhaps a relative well skilled in DIY could fix it for you. I must agree too, your friend should have asked how much it would cost to repair. If not able to pay the full cost, she should at least offer a good contribution towards it. Good Luck - I hope this can be sorted amicably.

[marinabrian]

Letterplates are very cheap to buy, require few tools to fit and will be better than souring a friendship.
I used to work for a company that manufactured doors, and bought these in by the thousand, however measure the size of the letterplate, and choose a new one from somewhere like screwfix that matches the one fitted.

for example www.screwfix.com/p/stormguard-brush-letter-plate-chrome-292-x-75mm/4704V?kpid=4704V&ds_kid=92700048793315984&ds_rl=1244072&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIu8uYuIiJ5wIVg7HtCh06BAvtEAQYASABEgIlwvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Hope this helps

Brian

[Bringonspring]

I agree you should contact the door company, I think you are actually being pretty rubbish on your friend. I wouldn’t expect someone to pay for it with a 2 year old.

Thank heavens your letter box didn’t hurt the 2 year old or else we would have a post from your friend about suing you

[zoobincan]

Image of OP phoning door company to request they replace her flaps

[Jojo2wyatr]

I imagine if you get in contact with the door/flap company they will gladly send a replacement part for free. It shouldn't have broken that easily....the flap is supposed to last for years and years, especially on a £900 doorn

[poppy336]

Have to say I didn’t read all the comments and therefore was unaware
the problem was fixed.

[poppy336]

if you have only had the door for a short time go back to where you
got it from.Under consumer laws,a purchase should be up to the job it was bought for.A two year shouldn’t have been able to damage it if it was correctly made and fitted.
Be firm with who ever you got the door from it was very expensive and should never have broken from a two year messing with it.😃

[SunshineAngel]

Just seen this has been resolved. For all those yelled "RTFT" it's 13 pages long. So, no. Glad you've nothing better to do than read over 300 messages about one topic though. Doesn't even matter to you if someone else replies to the thread.

[SunshineAngel]

@MyDcAreMarvel What, so because she could afford the door, she should pay for someone else's kid's damage? Bollocks. We've just spent £3,000 on a new kitchen, but it took us years to save up for it. Don't assume you know everyone's situation from one piece of information.

OP: If my child had broken something, I would be insisting on replacing it, even if the other mum said it was okay.

[nowayhose]

I'm of the opinion you should contact whoever sold you the door, as I would see this as a defective part on a very expensive door.
I wouldn't expect it to break so easily and I'd expect it to be fixed free of charge as it's not fit for purpose. To have jumped at blaming the poor child for doing something as simple as opening the letterbox seems petty and childish. If the child has been doing the same thing at their own house (and probably at other relations/ friends houses) without breaking the letterbox, shows how flimsy your new letterbox is.

As far as fixing, you would only need the same size letterbox fitted, which would take a joiner 10 mins and you could buy the letterbox yourself ( and I wouldn't want to lose a friend over it !) , but as I said, personally I think your letterbox was faulty to begin with, so I'd be going that route.

[AdobeWanKenobi]

A letterbox is door furniture and has no bearing on the integrity of a door.
Most letterbox flaps are pretty flimsy and on a £900 door I wouldn't expect anything more than that.
I replaced my entire letterbox for a chrome one a few weeks ago. It cost £18 from Amazon and took 15 minutes to fit. It was identical to the one fitted in every way barring colour and the door cost was over £2k.

Any metal object forced in a direction it's not supposed to go will break but either way, for those who are seemingly not bothering to RTFT this issue was solved on Monday.

[HairyToity]

I had a friends daughter break a pane of glass on coffee table. It cost about £35 to replace, plus time of sorting it. Friend immediately offered to pay, but I didn't accept it, just one of those things. However I was not flat broke at the time.

I didn't want our friendship damaged/ awkward conversation over a pane of glass, so sorted it out.

[Insanelysilver]

I can’t help thinking that a £900 door shouldn’t have such a flimsy letter box flap that a 2 year old can break it. Unless the kid has superpower strength I think it should withstand a kid fiddling with it surely? I reckon a large package shoved through the door wouid also break it in this case.

I’d contact the suppliers and say it’s broken.

[BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs]

Why is MN full of people on a time delay.

MNetters experiencing extreme lag?

[Petrachat]

Its a door, at 900£ it should be able to withstand the letterbox being opened albeit by a burly 2 year old, I would complain to the door supplier/manufacturer, asking for a replacement flap!

[AdobeWanKenobi]

YABU to spend £900 on a door in any case, let alone when you're skint to the point you can't pay for unexpected repairs etc

RTFT
It's right up there in OP's third post which you clearly couldn't be arsed to read.

the money for the door was a family gift

[Devora13]

Could you just say 'I've been looking at getting the flap fixed, it will cost £x, I take it it's okay if I send you the bill?'

[AmelieTaylor]

Fucking hell. Read the thread people.

[BBOA]

I was interested to hear views on this.
My DD is in secondary school and she said a child had deliberately smashed another person's phone. Older I know than OP's child but I would have expected a replacement phone if I was the parent. The visitor should have offered to pay to fix it.

[BetBetteBetty]

Why is MN full of people on a time delay.

[CoralAmy]

Get a quote for the repair, if expensive approach them with an offer to go half..she should see you as being very reasonable and not unfair...and if she's a friend worth bothering about...will refuse your offer and insist on paying ot all,, ..