Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a parent to pay for child's damage?!

328 replies

MissB83 · 12/01/2020 19:15

Context: I had a friend and her 2 year old for a play date this afternoon. Before either of us could stop her, her 2 year old grabbed my letter flap (inside) and forced it up, which snapped an internal mechanism so it no longer lies flush to the door Sadmy friend tried to explain it away that she fiddles with the door and didn't immediately realise that her child had broken it. However the kicker is that the door is brand new; it was replaced about a month ago at a cost of nearly £900! It looks wrong now but worse is letting in a significant draught into an already cold house.

I think the part can probably be replaced as it screws on and on but obviously this will be at a cost. My friend has been back to thank me for the play date but not mentioned the door. I am flat broke so cannot pay for the repair anyway but I don't feel I should have to, but I want to go in on the right foot before annoying my friend. AIBU to expect her to pay?

OP posts:
oohnicevase · 13/01/2020 18:32

When I was younger I went to someone's house and flushed the loo, it broke in my hand and I apologised but would never pay for it because it was clearly nearly broken and my flush finished it off. It has worried me since a bit when I think about it but I'm sure I shouldn't have paid ..
I mostly don't let young children in my house unless I know they are sensible ish .. I've spent a lot on my house and I want it to not get damaged . 🤷‍♀️

cherish123 · 13/01/2020 18:34

£900 is a bargain for a door!

On a serious note, she should pay. It depends on how keen you are on the friendship as to whether you ask her for the fee. It might actually be something you can fix yourself.

cherish123 · 13/01/2020 18:36

The woman should have kept an eye on her child and intercepted before DC broke it.

74NewStreet · 13/01/2020 18:36

You should only accept play dates for your children from people who haven’t spent a lot on their houses, nicevase. Then your kids can smash away to their heart’s content.
It’s the only sensible thing to do...
Hmm

Jellyrunner · 13/01/2020 18:45

Totally different view from anyone else I think, unless I had asked the child to move from the door I would not expect her to pay up. Not only that, it’s a crappy letterbox if it has broken that easily. Get a better one and fit it.

And finally you don’t need a DH to fix something. I can’t believe someone actually even wrote that in their comment, feels like I have gone back in time 100 years.

oohnicevase · 13/01/2020 18:57

@74NewStreet .. I think it's ok to be house proud actually ! .. my son has special needs and doesn't trash anything but some of my NT friends kids literally trash everything .. best to outsource those play dates 🤷‍♀️.. each to their own .

LightJewel · 13/01/2020 18:58

She is a toddler . Accidents happen .. if a friends toddler accidentally damaged something in My home I would let it go .... good friendships r priceless

Plumbuddle · 13/01/2020 19:05

That's the point though, isn't it? Good friendships are priceless but in my book this is not a good friend. I would try the warranty first then weigh up how important the friend is to you in light of what to do next. I have a close friend whose son (aged about 12 then) barged into our Xmas tree bringing it down and smashing many ornaments which over the years had amounted to a tidy figure -- if I had wanted to claim on insurance, might have been worth it. When the parents said absolutely nothing about replacing anything but instead allowed their son to hide sulking in the loo (mortified perhaps I should say) rather than apologise to us properly, I have to admit I stopped asking their kids around when I asked her for a coffee or whatever and that did internally affect my evaluation of our friendship. This sort of behaviour in parents takes me right back to parent toddler groups where the parents did not stop their kids taking other kids' toys or barging ahead of others in queues... it comes back to bite the adult in the end.

maureen17 · 13/01/2020 19:05

£900 !!!

PurpleDaisies · 13/01/2020 19:07

That’s what a door costs maureen.

concernedandworried · 13/01/2020 19:16

I replaced a ceramic toilet brush holder that my toddler accidentally knocked over in a friends brand new house.

On the other hand I had a friend and her two young boys over att my house and they ripped a curtain pole from the wall by hanging on the curtain; broke my child's ride on toy; and jumped on a textile playhouse so that the entire structure snapped. None of us were able to intervene as they were very fast and we had five children between us to look after. Unbelievable.

My friend didn't offer to pay for the damage or replace the broken items (nor did she offer an apology - still annoying when I think about it) and I didn't ask as it would have been very awkward. If it were just the toys I suppose it would have been different but the curtain pole really damaged the wall when it came out. A chunk of the plaster/wall came off with the pole. It was not cheap to get this repaired.

Bottom line is I think there is not a lot to be done. Maybe schedule future playdates in the park :)

PattiPrice · 13/01/2020 19:20

I’ve been quoted nearly twice that to supply and fit a composite door. It is extra wide but they are very expensive.

Binglebong · 13/01/2020 19:41

Glad you got it sorted OP.

For me I think it would depend if it was predictable and preventable. So a toy being used normally- don't pay. A child playing with something not designed for it, where the parent could have stopped them, the parent pays. Even if it something that is unlikely to be damaged they still shouldn't be playing with it - good practice for as they get older that not everything is child safe.

NeckPainChairSearch · 13/01/2020 19:48

On the other hand I had a friend and her two young boys over att my house and they ripped a curtain pole from the wall by hanging on the curtain; broke my child's ride on toy; and jumped on a textile playhouse so that the entire structure snapped

I think there is a world and a half away from this, and a 12 year old crashing into a Christmas tree, to a 2 year old fiddling with a letterbox. I saw my friend's two year old today, fiddling away with a box with a snappy lid, and thought about this thread. At that age, the world is just a thing to be explored.

If I'd have seen my friend's 2 year old doing this to my letterbox, it literally wouldn't cross my mind to stop her. It's a two year old messing with a snappy, move-y thing!

It's an unfortunate accident. That's all. A toddler, just getting to know the world, and what sounds like a not-very-robust letterbox.

NeckPainChairSearch · 13/01/2020 19:49

Maybe schedule future playdates in the park

To be honest, OP, I wouldn't be surprised if your friend prefers this option in the future!

BaolFan · 13/01/2020 19:50

I had to replace a door on our old house which we rent out, after it got booted in (long story). It cost £1500 as it wasn't a standard size or colour so had to be made to order, even though it was uPVC. Good front doors aren't cheap!

Mumoflil1 · 13/01/2020 20:04

This is why I hate playdates and always opt for playdates at an external child friendly venue. The stress and pressure of accidents at others' homes raises my anxiety levels.

NeckPainChairSearch · 13/01/2020 20:07

That’swhatadoorcostsMaureen might actually become my new user name. I don't know why, but it keeps making me smile.

Jack80 · 13/01/2020 20:08

Get a quote or see if you can fix it and go from there.

bmbonanza · 13/01/2020 20:15

I would offer to pay if it were my child, but I think most people that I know wouldnt take me up on it as it was an accident. Not overly well built either if a two year old damages it.

GenderfreeJoe · 13/01/2020 20:17

Yes she should pay for it but she won't.

Localocal · 13/01/2020 20:33

If the door broke the first time a two year old fiddled with it it was either a poorly designed part or was faulty. A mail slot should be sturdy enough to be used twice a day for decades, with a postman stuffing things through it that just barely fit. If the door is less than a month old, your first move is to contact the door company, send them a photo of what is broken and say it broke when it was lifted. (True.) If it's a reputable company (and for 900 quid it should be) they will probably send you the part for free with their apologies and you can get out your screwdriver and fix it yourself. No cost and no damage to the friendship. And no need to resent a toddler for breaking something they shouldn't have been able to break.

Isaura · 13/01/2020 20:33

She should pay. I would ask her outright for the cost of the replacement part glossing over it by saying that you know she would want to do the right thing.

Harvestsquirrel1 · 13/01/2020 20:45

The child must have herculean strength. However, I would’ve offered to pay for the repair if my child broke something. . Also, I wonder if insurance would cover the damage. You can always contact the company that you got the door from, and let them know that the letter box broke, and cannot be replaced, because it looks to be a quality issue. The door company probably overpriced it.

NeckPainChairSearch · 13/01/2020 20:52

glossing over it by saying that you know she would want to do the right thing

One person's 'glossing over' is another's pass-agg pressure, I guess Grin

I literally cannot imagine doing this to any of my friends.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.